Hi, I need severe advice! I have been dating my bestfriend and best guy I have ever met in my life for about a year now. Everything between us couldn't be better except I have an issue with his children and I'm so lost at how to address this to him. They are very disrectful and run completely over him and they try running over me as well. I have a 14,7 and 6 year old and his are 8 and 6. If mine did have the stuff his does, I would tear their bottoms up. H e strickly believes in no discipline. He feels like he can always talk the situation out and he doesn't realize it but he is failing miserably and all it is doing is making the situation worse. I will give you a few examples. I took all the kids to mcdonalds strickly for icecream and nothing else. My boyfriend went too. Once all the ice creams were fixed and we were passing them out his children decided they didn't want icecream and he asked the cashier to upgrade to a sundae. While his kids ate and had sundaes, my children had icecream like we had originally planned. That hurt my feelings, but that's him, he cannot tell them no. Also, another ocassion, we dont live together but we try to spend a day during the weekend together. I will babysit his children while he is at work, then he can come here after work and we can spend time watching movies or whatever...well once the kids have played all day and there is nothing left to they want to go home when it is bedtime, and he has given in to them, and it left me without spending time with him. Then, this weekend, he cooked a good supper and they refused to eat and and wanted mcdonalds!!! While me and my boyfriend were on the couch his 8 year old came over and hugged his father but at the same time he pinched me twice! All my boyfriend said was for him not to pinch me...he clearly knew what he was doing. I dont understand why he will not discipline them and he is letting them walk all over him. I know kids will be kids but this is out of control and rediculous. I dont know the right way to talk to him about this matter. I feel like I can no longer babysit his children because they just won't mind and they cause so much drama. I love his kids and him but I am sooo long as what to do please help!!!
Last edited by prettyplain; 09-10-2012 at 06:16 AM.
You and your bf have huge philosophical differences in raising children. If you love this person, you need to have a talk with him and try to get him to see what he is doing isn't helping his children in the long run. You don't want this situation creating issues with your own children either.
A parent can't let children run their lives. You also need to enforce your rules when his children are at your house. Let him know ahead of time you will be doing this.
I'm afraid the long-term prognosis for this relationship is darn near zero unless you turn into a flat out zombie. I don't see how you can continue to be a part of a relationship with that many kids and have one rule for some and another (or none) for the rest. It just won't work and the older they get, the worse and bigger the problems will get. One of you will need to change or else, one of you will need to split - end of discussion. I sense, in your heart, you already know this but it's tough when you love someone and something other than the two of you seem to be at the root of your problems (mainly how he handles his kids).
Good Luck, but try to come to some sort of resolution you both can live with and if not, it's time to take your clan somewhere else. Sorry, but that's just how I see it.
Opt out of the kids. He has a nerve using you as a free babysitter then not even respecting you in front of them. As the previous post said, your house, your rules. As for the Mcdonald's fiasco, insist that he upgrade your kids' icecreams as well or none at all. He is not dealing fairly with your kids here, and that would be a deal breaker for me. Insist on his and his children's respect and manners or don't allow them to your house. If he has to arrange them all by himself, maybe he will see what he is sowing for the future. As it is now, he can the benevolent daddy while you deal with the actual kids' stuff. Sera.
I don't know how you can possibly respect a man like him who is such a doormat with his kids. That's the sign of a truly weak man and you're really setting yourself up for a major failure if you keep up this fiasco much longer. There's also way too many kids in this situation so you should find someone with either no kids or just 1. Having to deal with that many kids is the reason why many people choose sterility.