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Old 09-12-2012, 01:37 AM   #1
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Ex Gf begging me back and I feel very bad!

Hi,

Some of you know the story so I will keep it brief for those who dont:

My ex gf who I was with 4 years left me for someone else almost 1 year ago. She quickly realised it was a huge mistake and begged me back but I didnt go back although I miss her and love her a lot. Well since then she has emailed me on and off. She emailed me a few days ago saying how sad she is, everyday is a fight, all she does is think of me, she does not see friends or do anything because she is thinking of me all the time. Her friends and family are telling her to move on I wont come back. But she is suffering very bad. Funny thing is I feel the same. I miss her, love her and cant get her out of my head. It has been a year and I still cant move on properly. When she gets is touch I feel so bad for what she is still going through and I also feel stupid because I am going through the same and could easily go back tomorrow. I dont know what to do! To give her another chance or to remain strong and keep telling her I cant go back to her after what she done to me!

PLEASE HELP :-(

Last edited by outlandish; 09-12-2012 at 01:38 AM.

 
Old 09-12-2012, 05:05 AM   #2
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Re: Ex Gf begging me back and I feel very bad!

Personally I'd go back...people make mistakes and learn from them. Often times a person has to be taught a lesson. But also ask yourself if the relationship was good while it lasted though. If it was full of drama and a bunch of mess then NO don't go back. People often get back together after affairs and it's better after because the offender realized what they had! Just seems silly to be torturing yourselves like this!

OH and if you do decide to go back you can't be throwing the mistake at her all the time. Have a good talk at the beginning and say all you want to say then let it be....
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Last edited by BeaTrade; 09-12-2012 at 05:08 AM.

 
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Old 09-12-2012, 05:37 AM   #3
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Re: Ex Gf begging me back and I feel very bad!

I should mention that she met this other guy whilst with me and saw him behind my back, lying to me a lot. At that time I was told I was not good enough for her and not man enough or what she wants.

I should also mention that I left my country to be with her and this is what she done, I am since settling back home and seeing someone very nice and kind.

BUT, still confused with my feelings for the ex and miss her like mad!

 
Old 09-12-2012, 06:10 AM   #4
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Re: Ex Gf begging me back and I feel very bad!

First things first, you need to break up with the girl you're with now. It is so majorly unfair to her that you are still so totally hung up on your ex and she doesn't deserve to be in a relationship with someone like that. Break up with her before she gets really hurt by you.

Secondly, if you're so adamant about getting back with your ex and she is so adamant about her having changed then fine, tell her that SHE is the one who moves to where YOU are this time. Make her prove that she really means it by having her come to you instead of the other way around this time. If she says no and makes up any excuses then you'll know she is not serious about her feelings for you and it's time to move on. But if she says yes then see what happens but at least this time you'll have the upper hand being that you'll be living in your country surrounded by your friends and family this time.

 
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Old 09-12-2012, 09:42 AM   #5
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Re: Ex Gf begging me back and I feel very bad!

Obviously I didn't have all the details, I agree with kszan.
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Old 09-12-2012, 06:23 PM   #6
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Re: Ex Gf begging me back and I feel very bad!

Yes, please please stop stringing along the other girl. I know you claim that she's perfectly fine with the fact that you are in love with your ex and that you wish you were with her, but that sure is sad to me. This other girl seriously doesn't love herself enough and has so little self-worth that she's accepting a relationship with a guy who not only doesn't love her but is in love with someone else? Please do the noble thing and break up with her.

And you probably should reconcile with your ex. You've been writing about still being in love with her for what, more than a year now? Just remember that when you do go back, you have to accept any bad treatment she gives you because you already know what she's like and you love her anyway. Don't expect her to "change" for you.

 
Old 09-13-2012, 02:56 AM   #7
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Re: Ex Gf begging me back and I feel very bad!

She sent me this the other day and it got me really down - I feel the same as her on aspects. What do you make of what she is saying? Does it seem honest? Shame she can say these things now but was able to lie and cheat on me when we were together :-( English is not her 1st language by the way:

Why , why do we have to live with this pain?
Is it our destiny? Is it going to be this way for the rest of our life? Time changes nothing to the pain, i don't even get use to it, every day is harder and seems not worth living without you. I sometime wish i could die to stop the pain. Every morning i wake up, i know it is a fight that's'waiting for me. The same fight against the same things... And worst of all, being strong not contacting you... Why? Why i shouldn't contact you when you are the only thing that matter to me!?
I realise how much the things we think are important in life... Like having a job, a house, a car, money... Are NOTHING! Nothing in compare to real LOVE, you can have it all but you can't buy love, and without love there is no real happiness. We had it ALL , we had the main thing and most important thing in life. I am so sorry it took me this to realize how the rest is not important, what matters is what you feel inside. This is such a hard lesson for me. I realize so much about myselfn my aims, my caractere. I 've changed so much, you would maybe not love the personne i bacame anymore..lol. Funny now that i am not with you, i stoped drinking, hardly go out , hardly see friends... I think i am such a bad company to be with(lways in my dreamyland, sad) , i feel like nobody understand me... I feel alone ... They all repeat the same thing " you need to let it go, stop living in your past... It's'been gone for ages now and won't come back" , i find arguments to that... No but he said"such and such .." And what hurt me the most it is the other day, i was crying and brother said, open your eyes sister , he is gone and you have to accept it even if it is not what ›ou want. Õt is true, you wrote me that letter in London... I hold ”n to it... You told me you forgave me 100%... I hold on to it... You told me you may take a month ... I hold on to it ... You told me you ready to come back... I hold on to it... But what is reality... You never did any of these things... And i am still waiting, suffering, missing you and wishing to be with you and leave all of this being. Start new, fresh coz life without you is impossible so all i want it is to learn and do my best to cherish our diamant "our real true LOVE" i can't stand here, do nothing, worst of all pretend i don't care and i am doing fine without you, not contacting you. This is not me and i wana be me. I am not ashame of my feelings, my pain, my mistake. We are both intelligent and can work it out.
Look how long we've been like this, don't you think it is such a waste of time and love? Don't you think it is worth a try ? I am ready to leave my job, sell or rent the flat and go where ever you would like to go in the world ( a neutral place) just you and i and care about nothing else. I am being serious, i can't live this way no more or i'll end up doing a big mistake.
Ok it is time for me to go to the shower and get ready for another day...

 
Old 09-13-2012, 03:50 AM   #8
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Re: Ex Gf begging me back and I feel very bad!

Her letter seems like bs to me, but she could be sincere. I know I'd never be able to trust someone who told me multiple lies in the past.

You might love her, but can you trust her? Or maybe that doesn't matter to you.

Have you asked her why she cheated and what makes her think that she won't do the same thing again?

Good luck.

 
Old 09-13-2012, 11:08 AM   #9
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Re: Ex Gf begging me back and I feel very bad!

it seems very over dramatic for being seperated for a year. I think elizabeth made a good comment - why did she cheat in the first place? If you choose to write back i would tell her you are in a relationship now and she made her choice. Seems harsh, but you have alreay given up everything to be with her and she didnt want you - she treated you like trash.

 
Old 09-13-2012, 11:30 AM   #10
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Re: Ex Gf begging me back and I feel very bad!

Talk about drama queen. I don't know how you can read all that nonsense she wrote to you with a straight face. It's clearly nothing but a bunch of nonsense and it's also pretty hilarious. I was laughing all the way through, that's how ridiculous her writing is!

You need to see her for what she is. A drama queen, a liar and a cheater. If you want a relationship with someone like that, have at it. But then also don't start complaining when she pulls the same crap on you once again, because she will. Not a question of if but when. So be prepared to get trampled on once again when you go back to her.

Seriously how can anyone read that tripe with a straight face? It's hilarious! And completely lame.

 
Old 09-13-2012, 06:47 PM   #11
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Re: Ex Gf begging me back and I feel very bad!

I don't understand why you don't just get back with her already. You're on this "I love her but I don't trust her but I love her" merry-go-round.

Do you want to spend the next 5, 10, 30 years like this?

Since you won't respond regarding whether or not you're still stringing the other girl along, I'm presuming you are. I hope you realize how NOT nice that is and break up with her.

Then, just reconcile with the ex already! I'm not sure what else anyone can tell you. You respond to everyone with the same thing "I still love her and can't forget about her! I want to go back to her!" So do it!

 
Old 09-14-2012, 01:58 AM   #12
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Re: Ex Gf begging me back and I feel very bad!

Thanks for the replies, they really help. I would not say I am stringing the other girl along, I am just trying to be strong and get the ex and the feelings out of me but finding it very difficult. Hence, why the advice on here is much needed because it helps me to open my eyes and see the ex for what she is rather than with my rose tinted glasses. The new girl is all my ex was not and we would be perfect if I could just survive the pain of the breakup from my ex without breaking.

 
Old 09-14-2012, 06:13 PM   #13
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Re: Ex Gf begging me back and I feel very bad!

The advice hasn't changed. No contact! You can't possibly move on when you insist on continuing contact. But honestly, I think you enjoy reading what she sends you. I think you believe you two are star-crossed lovers destined to love one another forever. I think it's a romantic fantasy that you're actually enjoying. Because if you weren't getting something enjoyable out of it, it would be easy for you to stop it.

I believe you don't want to move on and that's why you haven't. And that's why I suggest breaking up with the girl you don't love. It doesn't seem to matter to you how wonderful she is, you don't love her because you love your ex. Period.

I'm sorry if this sounds blunt and uncaring, but I can't see any way other than ending all contact for you to get your ex out of your mind. And if you don't want to do that, then I think you should go back to her, go all in and see what happens.

 
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Old 09-19-2012, 09:43 AM   #14
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Re: Ex Gf begging me back and I feel very bad!

Quote:
Originally Posted by outlandish View Post
Thanks for the replies, they really help. I would not say I am stringing the other girl along, I am just trying to be strong and get the ex and the feelings out of me but finding it very difficult. Hence, why the advice on here is much needed because it helps me to open my eyes and see the ex for what she is rather than with my rose tinted glasses. The new girl is all my ex was not and we would be perfect if I could just survive the pain of the breakup from my ex without breaking.
Dont break up with this current girl. Stay with her...let the ex be what she is...an ex. She snuck behind your back and cheated on you..and probably with a loser guy and now she realizes that you are better. Well too bad. Be friends our whatever..but dont go back to her.

 
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