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Old 09-14-2012, 03:52 AM   #1
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girlfriend trouble

I've been dating my girlfriend for 6 months now and the relationship has been fine so far a few problems along the way but nothing we couldn't work through and now a couple days ago she went to Virginia for her stepmother b-day (her father was abisive and i don't trust him) it was supposed to be just for a day or two but now she has been there for almost a week i finally got her to give me a day that she will be back but she has not told her father yet and can't get hold of him because he is away at work i work from 6pm to 6am barely get time to talk to her and can't get her to understand y in so worried because the whole thing was a setup her aunt came to pick her up (because her aunt also lives in new jersey) and she was supposed to go to the party aswell but after dropping off my girlfriend the aunt left back for new jersey not even staying for the party leaving my girlfriend to wait for a ride from her father now she sees what in telling her when i point out the setup to get her down there for a while but she doesn't seem upset about it intact she now wants to move to Virginia after i just got a job (after being layed off for 2 months) i am at a loss any one have any advice on how to approach her on the situation and what's going on to where she will understand i can't get any sleep for worrying about her

 
Old 09-16-2012, 01:02 AM   #2
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Re: girlfriend trouble

Ok quick update
first off sorry about the way the previous post was written i was on my phone and im an emotional wreck (still am) but now she is supposed to be back in two days and in starting to question her honesty with me and the past six months we were together and if she really loved me or not she barely calls me and can't follow through with anything she has said she would since going to Virginia for example last night we were both supposed to talk to her father me being on speaker phone but when her father got home she refused to talk to him about coming back up on Monday or US moving down there after she promised me she would. In worried in losing the woman i love but i may have already lost her in just trying to see if maybe she is just looking for some time to herself or if she just doesn't know how to tell me she doesn't want to be with me anymore or if in just over reacting any advice?

 
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Old 09-16-2012, 12:06 PM   #3
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Re: girlfriend trouble

Potterguy,

I can understand your reservations about your girlfriends trip, but as long as she is not sharing any distress with you, or crying out for your help, you are going to need to wait until she returns to find out the real story. Perhaps she is in need of some contact with her family, however you feel about them.

With only 6 months together, this is a short term relationship so far. I would encourage you to wait for her return and then have a frank discussion with her over the whole thing.. Based on what she shares with you, you can then decide whether the story makes sense, or not. Only then can you really make a decision about whether she is playing you, or the sincere person you wish her to be.

I wish both of you the very best.

 
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Old 09-16-2012, 04:03 PM   #4
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Re: girlfriend trouble

thanks for the reply i finally got her to tell her dad that she wanted to come back i am expecting her Friday also she is getting better with the communication ( i had a long talk with her earlier today) and i believe i finally got through to her how much her actions can affect other people such as her mother and stepfather who don't even know what there daughter has become but that'd only because she hardly ever talks to them about big decisions that affect them such as they would have found out she was in Virginia in like December if i would not have told them also the same with her wanting to move to Virginia lol hey mom i moved to Virginia 3 weeks ago.... lol something like that but like i said things seem to be getting better only time can tell and thanks again for the reply

 
Old 09-19-2012, 12:43 AM   #5
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Re: girlfriend trouble

I thought I would check back to see if there was any further communication between you two... It is good to hear you have had some good talks. and she is opening up a bit. If for nothing else, absence makes the heart grow stronger. She may have needed a bit of breathing room to make her own decisions in life. Often times, we can go a bit overboard in the earlier days of a new relationship, and we have to pull the reins in a bit, to go on...Hopefully she will have come to some sort of clarity with her her changing of mind. Keep your needs right in front of the line please.

Janet

 
Old 09-19-2012, 01:00 AM   #6
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Re: girlfriend trouble

Communication has improved i talked to her father though and from what she told me about what he said i told him he was twisting words to make me sound bad and he is trying to keep her down there he is ex marine and a master at manipulation i know this and he almost got me with it this that's how good he is also my gf is niece so now he had get doubting her want to ever come back ( not leave me) but wait for me to save the money over the next 2-3 months till i can move down there which idt our relationship will make it that long with her being that far away and me not being able to see her the physical pair it is causing my heart already i can't take much more so in fighting with her father through her and in getting worn out fast and she doesn't See this because he is manipulating her so well she honestly believes that thru decision to stay and not cone back with me is completely her own so in now at a loss i fix one problem and i run into a new one if she tells me she wants yo stay then in going to tell her that i cannot stay in a relationship with her under those circumstances other guys tryin to steal her i can deal with because she loves me to Mich for that yo be a problem but hoe can i compete with her father who by being with him it fill a "void" in her heart that had been empty and hurting all her life?

 
Old 09-19-2012, 02:53 AM   #7
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Re: girlfriend trouble

Potterguy,

If your girlfriend has unfinished business in her childhood, that she might be trying to recapture now...let her try. Once many of us girls have been let down by our daddies, it can be a lifetime quest to overcome that loss. It can be enough to derail our adult relationships too, This one might be too much to take on, and deepening a relationship with her dad will be enough to end it for both of you.

It sounds as if this young woman has her plate full, and her dance card too! If you can, I would encourage you to step one full step back, and see how the view looks from back there. Once you remove yourself a bit, you might realize all the drama is not adding anything positive to your relationship with either one of them.

Competing with the father of your girlfriend is not healthy. He should be busy on his own life at this point, and her at hers.

I hope things settle down for you real soon.

Janet

 
Old 09-19-2012, 03:01 AM   #8
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Re: girlfriend trouble

Tbanks again for the advice in tryin to let it run its course bit it just seems like her father wants me out of the picture and is willing to go far to accomplish this i have no problem with her wanting to get rraqiainted with her father it just hurts seeing the woman i love being manipulated like this also in not sure if this may have anything to do with why her father don't like me but here it goes im white my gf is black/Puerto Rica and her father is black...... but like i said in not sure it was a new thought (12 hours of driving a taxi every day gives u slot of time to think about things) lol

 
Old 09-19-2012, 08:51 AM   #9
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Re: girlfriend trouble

You've only been dating for 6 months. I think you should be careful about getting so wrapped up in her family drama. You're still very new together so you don't really have much of a leg to stand on when it comes to her family. You're still very much an outsider. I think it's best if you let her work through her family drama and don't get involved. You should not have gotten into it with her dad because that's not your place. Especially when dealing with an ex-Marine, you need to know your role and be respectful to him. A guy like that will be way more receptive to someone who respects him as her father and treats him accordingly. But now that you guys had it out already, he probably doesn't have a very high opinion of you now. In that regard, you probably blew it cause if you got in his good graces, you could have gotten somewhere with this. But now? It's not likely that this will get resolved until your gf is satisfied with the outcome, so I think you're stuck.

 
Old 09-21-2012, 08:25 AM   #10
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Re: girlfriend trouble

I never got into it with her father but the way he talks about me to her i can see that he doesn't like me he doesn't want her coming back up here to see me but he says he will take her because Its what she wants and i have had one conversation with him but i was very respectful and we were just talking about me moving down with my girlfriend because that's also what she wants but she is supposed to be back later today but he was supposed to leave early morning and she is still at his house

 
Old 09-23-2012, 09:40 PM   #11
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Re: girlfriend trouble

Now that it is Sunday, I was wondering if she showed up?

 
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