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Old 09-24-2012, 05:20 PM   #1
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Question Falling for the wrong person - but can't let her go just yet

DISCLAIMER: Please don't judge me or question my reasons for doing what I did, just accept it as is and give me some advice on what to do next.

So after leaving a relationship and being single again for almost a year I decided I wanted to start over. I hadn't met a girl I was attracted to for a while even though I had made many new friendships in that period of time. I also occasionally had one nighters with girls I had met out and about. (Here's the questionable part) One day I decided I didn't want to deal with the complications of a relationship and just wanted to have some plain and simple carnal fun, so I went out with a "sex professional", to be nice. At first I didn't think anything of her, she was aesthetically attractive to me so I had sex with her and left. Fast forward a few months in one of the dog days I decided to repeat the dose. This time however, after the service we talked for a good while and had a good chemistry going and she accidentally let her real name out. For some reason, I took a liking to her and she took a liking to me and she gave me her personal number. We went out a few times after the fact and soon I found myself dating her.

Here is where the problem comes; I soon found myself in love with her, and everything in my gut tells me this is not a good relationship to step into. Obviously, her profession is what makes this so difficult. While we went out several times she is definitely hesitant to allow me into her private life, understandably so, but now I can no longer tell how she feels and I'm afraid things might go sour. Now, maybe I'm not seeing things clearly but I have never had such a strong feeling for someone before, even in previous relationships. As creepy as it sounds, I can't even get her smell out of my head.

With all that said, I have decided I'm going to stick with it for a while, expecting heartbreak, but there are some things I need help with and I would love some advice, especially female advice. Lately it feels she is very distant and I can't tell why. I have avoided talking about/having sex with her because of what she does but it seemed to me that is becoming a problem for her. It feels to me that she thinks I think of her as more of a friend than someone I'm attracted to and to me that has made her distant. We talk regularly but its not like it once was, a vivid conversation. Now there are big pauses where she just stares at me and I stare back at her not a word said. I've asked her several times if she had gotten tired of me and she denied that very fervently. As a test, I suggested playfully that we should have sex which sparked conversation and we did in fact end up in bed. However, it turned out into an akward situation for myself. I couldn't tell if she was doing it because she felt like she had to, or if she was doing it because she wanted to. Now please don't misunderstand all this as me being obsessed with sex or anything, its just this relationship started that way and it has become a weird incomprehensible mess. To make it worse I'm pretty socially clueless, I typically have a very hard time forming romantic relationships as I'm an introvert. In truth, after all we have talked about I honestly like this person and am willing to swallow the bitter pill of what she does for a living and it seems to me that there are reciprocal feelings but being who I am, I'm very unsure in the matter. Assuming I want to make the next move and take our relationship up a notch but not lose our friendship in case things don't go well, whats the best way to approach this issue?

I would really appreciate some feminine opinion on the matter; not to be sexist but I don't have a clue how women think.

 
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Old 09-25-2012, 05:53 PM   #2
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Re: Falling for the wrong person - but can't let her go just yet

Interestingly, one of my friends is in a relationship with a "professional" woman. To be honest, it's been a very difficult relationship. She keeps promising to stop "working" but won't, she expects him to give her money (LOTS of money) because, of course, she's a "working woman" and she expects money for sex. She insists he remain completely faithful to her, goes through his phone and his computer and gives him a hard time if he even talks to another woman...yet, she keeps "working". He's even ended up in jail because she promised to stop and he keeps finding her ads online, advertising her skill and asking for clients, so they fight and they've gotten physical.

I don't know if any of this info helps you, but chances are this woman you're seeing either doesn't see you as more than a client, or she's worried you may try to get her to stop "working". She can't, you see, because if she does she'll be destitute (I presume there's some compelling reason why she doesn't get a "straight" job or even work in a strip club). Plus, from what my friend tells me, his woman couldn't even begin to make the kind of money she makes from being a "professional" and therefore doesn't want to give it up.

Just some thoughts...and I'd advise you to think very hard about if you can accept this woman having lots of sex with strange men for money, and whether or not you'd ever try to get her to stop.

Last edited by CadenceA; 09-25-2012 at 05:54 PM.

 
Old 09-25-2012, 08:19 PM   #3
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Re: Falling for the wrong person - but can't let her go just yet

As in most interactions, communication is the key. Don't treat her job like the elephant in the corner. Share your feelings on where you want this to go, and your fears (also the really positive stuff, obviously). If you cannot have this conversation with her, then that would be a bigger worry than her profession. Get it out on the table - your thoughts, her thoughts, all honest and upfront. Own your own wishes, don't put them on her "I would really like to try a romantic relationship with you" rather than "what do you want?" Think very hard about the whole thing, it would be crummy for both of you if you found that you couldn't cope with her job after all. Sera

 
Old 09-25-2012, 10:01 PM   #4
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Re: Falling for the wrong person - but can't let her go just yet

I'm not clear on whether she has yet indicated to you that she wants a relationship with you or whether it's just something you hope will happen? Because if you're purely basing this on assumptions then you may very well be disappointed cause she is a professional and she gets paid to make men feel like they are special and important and so on. That's why you need to talk with her about it so you can see if you're even on the same page or whether she is just acting cause it's her job.

 
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