Join Date: Sep 2012
a 3 year dream relationship falling apart in process
hello, i am a guy who has been going out with my wonderful girlfriend for three years. basically this is hard for me to get into but i really would appreciate feedback!!! it would mean alot to clear my head . i am 24 and she is 23 now.
my girlfriend and i have spent many great times together, we live close, and see each other very often, our friends became friends because of us. and have been labelled the dream couple amongst them. im going to be honest when writing this so please dont take it the wrong way...i made many a move to try to woo her in our beginning, at many times, i could of gvien up but i credit myself to never quitting on what i loved. it prob took me 3-4 months to get the words out of her mouth, that she had deep feelings for me, i was pretty certain she did, i just thought she was pretty shy, insecure from previous relationship and was in no rush to take things by any means related to fast.
we clicked and everything was amazing. i would consider us a good fit, as far as looks not one of us is way better than the other, being honest i would say she has a way better face and that i have a much better body, due to my passion for fitness and her lack of. this is importnant to me, because i love fitness, and wished my soul mate did, plus having a good body is a big plus to me. i feel her lack of confidence stems from this.
in our first year, we had sex often, i was worried deep down i might lose her, she goes out alot, her girlfriends were single and i worried about her loyalty. it would turn out that my deepest fear caused our first relationship crack. but it was me, not her, who was sending pics and talking/flirting with other girls.i dont think i would of ever done anything, but the thrill of flirting was still lingering from my single days. i was deeply hurt, not near as much as her, but you just dont realise how bad u stuff up until it hits you. to her credit, she stayed strong, and i wanted to prove myself as her personailty is amongst the best i have ever seen in a female. she is marriage material.
i am very proud that when she went away for 2 weeks with her grilfriends, i did not flirt once with any female. i saw this as a great improvement, but i did not need to resist, for, i missed her more than anything i had ever missed in my life, it was only two weeks, and to this day, i can only laugh at how badly i struggled,
somewhere in the second year, our sex went downhill, bad, once a week, to once a month, once in a blue moon, she started to say that she was stinging inside often. i tried things, but the problem has to this day not been solved, she lost her confidence, it hurt her, she felt i would leave her, she started to avoid sex. i tried alot but ultiamtely failed. i need sex, i dont know if she does. but i also need it for our love in our relationship not just the sex.
we have had sex maybe 2-3 times in the year 2012 our third year so far. a true low point of our lives. only three years ago we would accumlate that in a day. i admit i have gotten used to this, but at the same time, the problem is their, its like a lock on the door, we wont be able to progress ultimately in the future, or will we, such is how my mind thinks on the issue.
all i know is, i highly rank that as the underlying issue in any problems that arise with us. she is the most loyal girl i have ever met, when i was insecure in the first year. i used to check her phone, not once did i ever find anything, or not one thing have i ever heard in three years has lead to any misjudgement, she is truly a great girl. for her looks, that is a great catch. its just through lack of no sex these things creep in
- less kissing
- less cuddling in bed
- less affection
- no affection in public
- i feel she has become more stubborn even though she is very
one thing that hasnt stopped is that we still say we love each other every day. we basically never fight but normally all i do is agree with whatever situation she wants and their will never be an argument. which is where the latest problem starts.
i want her to start doing exercise, shes not overweight, i do fear she becomes that, but she isnt in as good a sahpe as she has been and she could be amazing if she even did exercise. she has put on enough weight to raise the question from the boyfriends persepctive in my opinion. i am a fitness trainer btw who is failing to motivate his grilfriend haha. doing just fine at work though which is what frustrates me.
anyways in a nutshell she doesnt have no time, no interest blah blah blah, i basically gave her the ultinatium, ill come over if i can run you through a workout, look from a girls perspective. harsh? granted, but i saw this as an important moment, kind of like ive let her do her thing all year now we gotta get you going and hopefully she can become self reliant. anyways shes stubborn, took the maybe option which means no, and i persisted to she said in 5 weeks when uni finishes, i said let me know when ur ready before that, and then replied whatever it takes.. so we arent talking tonight which is rare , im sure we will by end of night, we both miss each other to much toeasily.
but as you see, we have this problem, im mentally fully aware, of the sexual problem, im sure she is aware of it to, however , we dont even bring it up anymore. also, if we go out , drinking, normally we would always have sex after, now she basically rolls over says shes too titred and almost forces herself to sleep.
to anyone who has taken the time to read this, thank you,
is there anything you suggest, she has seen a doctor he said no issue with her,, i think she needs another asessement, it prob took her a year to even get it checked, sigh