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Old 10-05-2012, 08:47 AM   #31
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Re: I really think I am done this time...

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Originally Posted by tattoodgirly View Post
No, I have told him I am done and that I am working on a way to leave. He just must not take that as a serious "threat". I guess I would like to have a little sex before it is over, because I plan on teaching English abroad for a year and it will be my Eat, Pray, Love moment and I plan to not date at all.

I have been going to counseling for 4 weeks now. So far I have spent $136 on that venture and I can see my money dwindling before my eyes...
TG if all you're looking for is a little sex, he is certainly not your only option.....you're a woman for crying out loud.....you can find sex.

 
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Old 10-05-2012, 10:51 AM   #32
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Re: I really think I am done this time...

Ihave had a browse through your previous posts, and there is a definite pattern going on that you may want to consider. Firstly you come out strong on how you are unhappy and ready to end things and start over. Then, gradually as people give you feedback, you back right into the "yes, but game". It is really time that you took a good look at whether you want actual useful feedback and advice, or just some people to play devil's advocate so you can talk yourself back into your comfortable safe zone where you are getting a payoff. See, nobody stays in a place or relationship, no matter how negative or unsatisfactory it is without a payoff. I feel your payoff is something along the lines of: "I have a man on whom I can hang the responsibility for keeping me in this space where i deserve to be. It is because of him that I feel bad about myself. This saves me from actually having to do anything about improving my self esteem and self-image". If you did actually end the relationship, you are afraid that you will still feel worthless and it will mean that you have to take responsibility for your own wellbeing. This is very scary, what if it is true that you are worthless? There is no neglectful man around that you can blame for these feelings. Think about this, and also the fact that emotional health is based on the simple formula that you are 100% responsible for yourself, and 0% responsible for anyone else. Sera

Last edited by Seraph; 10-05-2012 at 10:53 AM.

 
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Old 10-05-2012, 11:03 AM   #33
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Re: I really think I am done this time...

Things are a bit clearer to me now...it sounds like you are not at all into the relationship or this man but you'd still like to "use" him for sex. Maybe you're one of those people for whom sex is only a physical act and not an expression of love and affection...but maybe he isn't. Maybe he senses that in you and isn't interested in having sex with you because he doesn't want to be used as a human sex toy. And then you are complaining that he doesn't allow you to use him!

It kind of doesn't make sense to me that you are complaining that he doesn't give you affection or compliments, yet you think it's ok to continue to expect someone you've told you don't want to be with anymore to have sex with you. There's a disconnect there between what you want from him and how you think it's ok to use him for your own sexual gratification. You seem to think "he's a man, what man doesn't want sex??!!" but obviously he doesn't feel that way. I think if it was the other way around and someone you loved broke up with you and then asked you for sex it would probably hurt your feelings.

I think if you're really wanting to end this relationship it needs to end 100%. No expecting him to allow you to get sex from him or staying living together for financial reasons. You can't expect compliments or affection from him and you can't expect him to make you a priority or make weekend plans with you. Also, getting to work on finding a place to live would be a positive step.

 
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Old 10-05-2012, 11:20 AM   #34
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Re: I really think I am done this time...

TG you post that you really think you're done this time and we all support you, rally around you are proud that you've come to this decision and then you start back peddling......
when you KNOW you're done with him post and I will give you my support....right now I feel kinda like I've been played
sorry.....

 
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Old 10-06-2012, 09:50 AM   #35
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Re: I really think I am done this time...

Tattooed, I don't want you to think I'm picking on you, but honestly...if you are dissatisfied in your relationship ( and I would be for sure), and you complain that you wish he'd just disappear, etc., it's not really fair to expect him to be willing to give you sex. I don't really get how you can feel the way you do toward him yet you can ask for and enjoy sex with him. I think he probably feels used when you tell him you're unhappy and it's over... and then ask him for sex. I think that would bother most people.

Also, if you're going overseas, why decide not to date? I can envision you having a wonderful time over there and possibly meeting someone and having a fantastic, exciting romance. Why rule that out before you even get there?

My recommendations are...start looking for a room to rent. Stop sleeping in bed with him, stop asking him for sex and stop expecting him to make weekend plans with you and compliment you. Make a clean break. Continue counseling. The cost can be offset by the amount of money you'll save by renting a room (my roommate pays only a fraction of what she had been paying for her studio apartment and the amount I charge her includes all utilities...saving her about $300 per month!). Make firm plans to go overseas and make a promise to yourself that you'll fully enjoy every moment you're over there...no matter what it brings. Adding positivity to your life is healthy and leaves you little time to worry about the things you've listed that make you think you aren't worth much, because those things are completely normal and are not impossible to over come. Get rid of what is dragging you down (boyfriend) and allow yourself to enjoy life!

 
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