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Old 10-06-2012, 05:54 PM   #1
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A Question for Pretty Women out there...

In almost all of the jobs I have had, I have always had some conflict with pretty women who work there.

I am petrified of them!

To give you some background:
I am a shy introverted woman who is mainly this way because I have deep-seated issues with my body image and appearance.

A deep-breath: In appearance, I look like a transgendered woman.

If I am nice and smile at the office pretty lady, the more rumors of me being gay get spread and ridicule to boot (laughter everytime I speak or walk into a room).

Now that I have become defensive and scared from the onset of meeting the office pretty girl, I am more aloof. Yet the same rumors get started, except meanness and exclusion from everything is also added to the menu of meanness (saying "eeeew" as I walk by, etc...)

These women are adored by everyone and those in the office who are actually gay do not get harassed in any way. I am a special target. Some of these women actually follow me around! I am quite scared because I am not a likeable person to begin with so I don't have any colleague support and I do not know how to make this stop.

I do get some paltry attention from guys (if only for a few seconds just because I am unusal-looking) and this in my mind, bothers these women to no end. (Why not let me have a few seconds of attention!) Meanness seems to increase everytime a guy is nice to me.

My most recent scary coworker very strategically (this is what is petrifying - they are so cool and calm when spreading rumors) has told my colleagues that she believes I "want" her. I am so scared! She follows me around and somehow appears whereever I go. I am thinking that she is telling people that it is I who is following her around out of desire.

I don't know what to do. But it is mortifying to have a woman tell people that you desire her. I am so-self conscious and am scared of the guys must be thinking about me.

Why do pretty women do these things? She seems to be always examining what I am wearing. I find it so creepy because it is creepier than a man checking you out but apparently she can do this with immunity and has no fear that she might get called gay. She can just say she is keeping an eye on me to make sure I don't do anything bad.

If a man were to surveille me this much, it would be called perversion.

How do I make it stop? Please remember that I am masculin-looking and so rumors of me being gay are received without question. I have no real evidence to prove anything. (who knows what they were referring to when they said "eeeew" or whispered "OMG that's a man") Office colleagues enjoy the rumors. Even if there was evidence, no body really cares how I feel (an ugly girl getting beat up by a pretty girl is great office entertainment).

Pretty girls, give up your secret, why do you do this and why doesn't anybody other than your target think you are creepy? What can I do to make you back off?

 
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Old 10-06-2012, 06:52 PM   #2
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Re: A Question for Pretty Women out there...

How old are these "women"?

I'm very average looking and not at all girly. I am straight but never married, just relationships. But I've never experienced anything even remotely like this. Of course, I do tend to live with my head up my own butt so maybe I missed something along the way. But there's something to be said for that way of being.

The only thing I can suggest is to try to ignore it and do the job. You know what I mean? Don't waste energy on the churn they are trying to create and let it burn itself out. They must get some sort of reaction from you whether you mean to or not, or they wouldn't target you.

But I do find it odd so assuming this is your reality it would be frustrating. Because I might be one of those "others" who doesn't see it.

 
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MissJealousy (10-08-2012)
Old 10-07-2012, 01:27 PM   #3
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Re: A Question for Pretty Women out there...

I have a feeling you might not get too many replies from these 'pretty women' you're talking to because basically, you insult them.

I'm pretty much like the previous poster - certainly wouldn't call myself a pretty woman. And definitely don't behave the way you describe. But I do know a lot of pretty/beautiful women and I have never seen them act like that. Course, maybe I'm just lucky.

What you're describing is a bully, and that does't go hand in hand with beauty. The worst bully I ever knew (in an workplace) was an overweight gay man. Hysterically funny, but catty! ouch! And it made me think way less of him, than whoever it was he was mocking.

My suggestion would be to keep a smile on your face, be as nice and kind as possible, and make a report to HR about bullying. (And maybe rethink the belief that all pretty women are like that.)

 
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MissJealousy (10-08-2012)
Old 10-07-2012, 10:57 PM   #4
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Re: A Question for Pretty Women out there...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thisby View Post
I have a feeling you might not get too many replies from these 'pretty women' you're talking to because basically, you insult them.

I'm pretty much like the previous poster - certainly wouldn't call myself a pretty woman. And definitely don't behave the way you describe. But I do know a lot of pretty/beautiful women and I have never seen them act like that. Course, maybe I'm just lucky.

What you're describing is a bully, and that does't go hand in hand with beauty. The worst bully I ever knew (in an workplace) was an overweight gay man. Hysterically funny, but catty! ouch! And it made me think way less of him, than whoever it was he was mocking.

My suggestion would be to keep a smile on your face, be as nice and kind as possible, and make a report to HR about bullying. (And maybe rethink the belief that all pretty women are like that.)
Up front, I am not a woman.

I second the gist of this post. People are people and some people unfortunately act like buttheads. It isn't reserved for pretty people any more than ugly, plain or androgynous looking folks. You and I both know we run into stupid people everywhere, from the grocery store to work. We can't "change" what they say and do but we can control our response to them or how we react to what is said. Please try your best not to let them reside in your head; just don't give them that power, Take it Back. I know this sounds easier said than done but for your own sanity, it's important to handle these folks in a healthier manner. I wish you all the Best going forward!

Last edited by Whoopee; 10-07-2012 at 10:59 PM.

 
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MissJealousy (10-08-2012)
Old 10-08-2012, 05:44 AM   #5
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Re: A Question for Pretty Women out there...

This behavior sounds just insane to me! I haven't seen people act so stupid since I left high school.

What I would suggest is to ignore and DO NOT try and smile or acknowledge this woman that is telling people you are attracted to her. She thinks that if you smile you are trying to flirt apparently so don't do anything to add fuel to her fire. All you can control is your behavior, you cannot do anything to control theirs. It sounds to me like she's the one attracted to you!
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My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.

 
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MissJealousy (10-08-2012)
Old 10-08-2012, 11:32 AM   #6
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Re: A Question for Pretty Women out there...

Quote:
Originally Posted by AllandNothing View Post
How old are these "women"?

I'm very average looking and not at all girly. I am straight but never married, just relationships. But I've never experienced anything even remotely like this. Of course, I do tend to live with my head up my own butt so maybe I missed something along the way....
Dear AllandNothing-

Living with my head up my butt would actually be an ideal- having no worries about what goes on all around me! So...(not jokingly) I says 'Congrats!' for living this way.
There is a theme to people's responses - that this is the oddest behavior - so I am guessing this is not the usual way all pretty people behave.

My current bully is in her late 20's, but I have experienced it more than once so it must be an unfortunate combination of bully and what I bring to the table (My reaction to and fear of beautiful mean people must be obvious to these bullies).

Due to my self-image issues, I do latch on to the beauty factor, but as you say, this is a matter of meanness and not beauty.

Thank you for the advice - I'll try letting this foolishness burn down. It is the only choice and thank you for sharing.

 
Old 10-08-2012, 11:38 AM   #7
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Re: A Question for Pretty Women out there...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thisby View Post
I have a feeling you might not get too many replies from these 'pretty women' you're talking to because basically, you insult them.

I'm pretty much like the previous poster - certainly wouldn't call myself a pretty woman. And definitely don't behave the way you describe. But I do know a lot of pretty/beautiful women and I have never seen them act like that. Course, maybe I'm just lucky.

What you're describing is a bully, and that does't go hand in hand with beauty. The worst bully I ever knew (in an workplace) was an overweight gay man. Hysterically funny, but catty! ouch! And it made me think way less of him, than whoever it was he was mocking.

My suggestion would be to keep a smile on your face, be as nice and kind as possible, and make a report to HR about bullying. (And maybe rethink the belief that all pretty women are like that.)
Dear Thisby,

thank you for putting my complaint into perspective...

You, being a sane, reasonable person sound like a great voice of reason. I guess, not not all pretty people behave this way. But when I am extremely frustrated, lashing out against everyone does offer such a release!

One of the frustrations is the very fact that this odd behavior is something outside of the realm of most people's experiences. It seems like such a fantastic tall-tale that there doesn't seem to be an innovative solution possible (which is what I in my ultra-frustrated state secretly want - some crazy plot to make it all go away).

Sorry to you and your beautiful acquaintances. You are not all responsible. That is not meant to be a jab - but it is me sort of sighing at how devoid of crazy dramas most people's lives are. Hearing sane people give sane, healthy and reasonable advice is very grounding (no witch's brew). Thank you for your sanity and may long-live beauty (inside and out).

 
Old 10-08-2012, 11:42 AM   #8
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Re: A Question for Pretty Women out there...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Whoopee View Post
Up front, I am not a woman.

I second the gist of this post. People are people and some people unfortunately act like buttheads. It isn't reserved for pretty people any more than ugly, plain or androgynous looking folks. You and I both know we run into stupid people everywhere, from the grocery store to work. We can't "change" what they say and do but we can control our response to them or how we react to what is said. Please try your best not to let them reside in your head; just don't give them that power, Take it Back. I know this sounds easier said than done but for your own sanity, it's important to handle these folks in a healthier manner. I wish you all the Best going forward!
Dear Whoopee,

Thank you for taking the time out to give this sane, logical, and healthy advice. Also thank you for listing me as one of the many kinds of people that exist in the world - androgenous, but not necessarily ugly or pretty - that made me feel much better.

Hooray for sanity - I should try to do my best to keep mine - you're are right; it really is hard to do!

 
Old 10-08-2012, 11:46 AM   #9
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Re: A Question for Pretty Women out there...

Quote:
Originally Posted by BeaTrade View Post
This behavior sounds just insane to me! I haven't seen people act so stupid since I left high school.

What I would suggest is to ignore and DO NOT try and smile or acknowledge this woman that is telling people you are attracted to her. She thinks that if you smile you are trying to flirt apparently so don't do anything to add fuel to her fire. All you can control is your behavior, you cannot do anything to control theirs. It sounds to me like she's the one attracted to you!
Dear Beatrade,

Thank you for this "you keep your head up, girl - I'm on your side" kind of advice. It feels like I have someone on my corner willing to throw a few punches for me! Thank you for this. I will have to figure out a way to be nice without appearing like I am flirting because me not being nice, ends in the whole office taking the other side. (Though I like the sentiment of "give her a taste of her own medicine" by being mean, I am afraid this plan does not work out for people like me.

I often have ended up totally isolated.

I will try to ignore her but be nice when I have to work with her. And try to pay attention to and reign-in my flirtatous smile

Thank you!

 
Old 10-08-2012, 01:02 PM   #10
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Re: A Question for Pretty Women out there...

I agree with Beatrade that this behavior seems like insane. Some girls behaves so stupid seriously.

 
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bullying, gay, harassment, meanness, pretty girls



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