Approximately 2 years ago in March (after seeing my bf over the holidays who i have been with for almost 20 years now and have not slept with anybody else, and we have not been having much sex, if any, for the past 5 years bc he was not interested or for whatever reason but it was not my doing...that's another story) I had my first OB on my buttocks cheek three months later...thought it was a spider bite. Doctor gave me antibiotic for the lesion. Did not have another OB until November when I was with my boyfriend but it had started right before I saw him. I mentioned to my dermatologist about this and she said she bet it was genital herpes. I was totally in shock and said it couldn't be bc I had not had sex for almost 3 or 5 years...lost count now. She acted like she did not believe me...BUT "I" know. My bf and I met up again for holidays for ~1 month, again no sex. I had another OB in April after seeing a dead person.... I went to a different doctor and she prescribed antibiotics again. I then went to clinic and had a blood test which came back negative for type I but positive for type II. I was horrified...cried a lot! Asked my bf who acted like he didn't know where that could come from...finally admitted to having sex (only oral he says and it was bc he was drunk!) before/during our initial days back in the mid 90's! A lot has happened in our lives since then...he had mentioned it to me but I thought he was referring to back when he knew her in the 70's...so shame on me. I am humiliated. Anyhow that was a long time ago and we have had unprotected sex for many many years up until ~2008...when we had problems with our relationship. but I got the first noticeable OB in 2011! Dermatologist said you can get from toilet seats but from what I have read this is not really true. The only thing that I did that winter was go unknowingly in an allegedly filthy hot tub at night. Anyhow, to make a long story short I have had ~5 OBs now. I asked my bf to get the blood test specific to HSV 2. He apparently did go to the doctor in Europe but they convinced him that he did not need to do this and just took a urine sample for 2 other STDs which were negative. I was extremely disappointed since I had insisted that he have the blood test for HSV II. He does not like needles and was relieved by this even though I told him that they would probably not do it there. Again I cried a lot. Anyhow, we discussed and decided that we would do it the next time we were both in another country that was cheaper to have the test done than Europe. Now that we are coming up to trip to another country that is cheaper to have the test I mentioned it and he says he never agreed and that he will be on vacation...and that the doctor told him it was unnecessary bc he would have it bc he apparently has gotten cold sores in the past. I was speechless. This is something that is unforgivable...it is one thing to cheat on me if that is the case but it is another not to get the test. I know he does not like needles and is arguing that he does not see the point. I am strong enough to say this is it...even though we have been together for so many years and gone through unbelievably difficult times together. Do you think it is unreasonable that I tell him if he is not going to get the test that I can no longer make plans with him? Tickets and reservations are already bought and paid for...I also take care of his money.....I have no intention of not continuing to do this for him but I cannot be with him if he is so selfish. I am very affected by this lesion on my buttocks...I have a lot of questions (can it occur other places? if we have sex will I give it to him? or can he give it to me in other locations?, etc.) and I do want a loving caring relationship. I have a lot to give someone (and I don't mean herpes!). Please advise.