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Old 10-09-2012, 07:45 AM   #1
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am i overreacting or is it over... i need closure

I meet a guy who was really sweet and understanding. We were very honest up front with each other about what we needed and expected if we started dating and we did. it was awsome for the 1st 3 months then things kind of changed. He was getting over legal issues with his ex (battle over there house) in where he won. The house was in the middle of renevations when the whole legal stuff began..and at first i was helping him clean and get things in order. He wanted to get help and decided to rent out the extra rooms in his house which i was ok with but there was tension because i was not seeing him as frequent,. We talked things out and he says that he thought I would understand that he was trying to get his life and house back together and I agreed that I did and I was trying to help. I felt that if we were dating I would be there to help not be on the sidelines. He felt that if were dating we should be doing the fun things dates do not cleaning his house. A week after this talk we were to meet for our usual Thur TV viewing. He ended up having to kick out one of the new roomates and he asked for a raincheck and if he could see me the upcoming weekend. we agreed but then that friday he cut me off not answering txts or calls. By Sunday I was concerned not knowing what happend I went to his home and he would not answer the door. but sent me a txt that he was ok but he could not talk to me and asked me to please understand...??? I replied that it was fine i was just concerned....NOW I am feeling broken hearted and cant stop crying. I am so mad that he has made me feel like this..but at the same time im wondering if I am just over reacting because he dealing with so much..I feel like because we have always talked out our issues surly he would not dump me like this..but not answering the door and sending me a vauge txt makes me feel like its definatly over. Besides the hurt and anger and confusion..I don't know how to proceed I plan to give him a week but is that enough..If its over then i have no choice but to accept that but I demand to know why he couldnt just tell me, he was no longer interested.

Last edited by STLkidd; 10-09-2012 at 10:15 AM.

 
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Old 10-09-2012, 09:29 AM   #2
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Re: am i overreacting or is it over... i need closure

YOU make the decision that it's over.....don't leave it up to him.
the way he treated you is unacceptable

 
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Old 10-09-2012, 10:10 AM   #3
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Re: am i overreacting or is it over... i need closure

I strongly feel that things can be worked out if people would put there pride aside and just talk them out. I still care for him deeply but being hurt like this is not something im willing to continue to expose myself too.

 
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Old 10-09-2012, 10:36 AM   #4
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Re: am i overreacting or is it over... i need closure

things are always awesome the first 3 months......there is nothing to work out. he is who he is.....you just didn't see this side of him because he was pretending to be on his best behavior in the beginning.
it also takes 2 to work things out.....does he want to work them out? it doesn't sound like it

 
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Old 10-09-2012, 10:47 AM   #5
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Re: am i overreacting or is it over... i need closure

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Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
things are always awesome the first 3 months......there is nothing to work out. he is who he is.....you just didn't see this side of him because he was pretending to be on his best behavior in the beginning.
it also takes 2 to work things out.....does he want to work them out? it doesn't sound like it
Ok so if its over I need to know what happend. I can deal with im not that into you anymore or I just need space or whatever but I cant deal with just being cut off. Whats the best way of getting that part resolved

 
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Old 10-09-2012, 10:56 AM   #6
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Re: am i overreacting or is it over... i need closure

the best way to get that part resolved is to move on, don't expect an answer because you won't get one and if you do it won't be an honest one.....like I said in my first post YOU make the decision and move on.....don't wait for someone else to dump you

 
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Old 10-09-2012, 11:29 AM   #7
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Re: am i overreacting or is it over... i need closure

Life is full of instances where we won't ever get closure for whatever reason. Whether its because of a coward like your bf or due to someone moving away or a death, regardless, this won't be the last time that you have to find a way to move on with no closure. Thankfully you were not together that long so the attachment wasn't as deep as it would have been otherwise. So now, as Rose said, YOU decide that you're done and move on as if he is gone (cause he is gone). Don't wait for him to tell you it's done because his actions speak louder than words. His actions scream out loud that he is a coward who can't handle an unpleasant conversation so instead of being a man about it he would rather just drop off the face of the earth. No big loss really cause you don't need a weak guy like that in your life anyway!

 
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Old 10-10-2012, 07:25 AM   #8
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Re: am i overreacting or is it over... i need closure

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Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
So now, as Rose said, YOU decide that you're done and move on as if he is gone (cause he is gone). Don't wait for him to tell you it's done because his actions speak louder than words. His actions scream out loud that he is a coward who can't handle an unpleasant conversation so instead of being a man about it he would rather just drop off the face of the earth. No big loss really cause you don't need a weak guy like that in your life anyway!
So what if something traumatic has happend to him like the loss of a close friend or something. Everyone processes things differently and he pushes people away.. I realize that I may just be in some kind of relationship denial but I dont want to go leaving something that just needed space..If he was gone couldnt he just txt me.. I need space please leave, or any other of combination of words.

 
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Old 10-10-2012, 07:29 AM   #9
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Re: am i overreacting or is it over... i need closure

yeah when i didn't hear back from someone I always worried they were hurt, in the hospital, etc......
just don't initiate contact with him, you don't have to tell him off......just don't tell him anything
eventually you will find out if some trauma befell him

 
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Old 10-10-2012, 10:54 AM   #10
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Re: am i overreacting or is it over... i need closure

There is a mathematical principle which states that, in any given situation, the most obvious explanation is the right one a majority of the time. I'm paraphrasing it of course but it's true. Could he have gotten into a horrific car crash and be laying in a hospital somewhere? Well it's possible but highly unlikely. Could be be in mourning over some unexpected tragedy that just happened? Again, possible but not probable. As long as we're talking about unrealistic scenarios, maybe he was abducted by aliens in his sleep and is now being held captive on their spaceship which is orbiting the earth as we speak! Hey, its possible.

The facts that you know to be undisputed are that he texted you with some weird cryptic lame text which is basically saying, "Hey look at me! I'm a spineless coward!" and you haven't heard from him since then. The most obvious and most likely answer is that he got scared and ran away like a little baby. That would make the most sense. To assume it was anything else is pretty much denying reality and that's not really going to help you move on from this successfully.

 
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