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Old 10-09-2012, 10:19 AM   #1
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Ex-wife asking my boyfriend to come over - opinions

Just wondering if I can get some opinions on something.

My boyfriend was married and divorced about 17 years ago. He has 2 older children, both over 20 years old.

His ex-wife's sister is married to my boyfriend's best friend. So she is always around. Before my boyfriend moved in with me I found out she had a key to his apartment which I thought was odd. Also, she used to ask him for hugs everytime she saw him. Since he was in a relationship and she was too I thought what she asked was inappropriate and I asked him to stop hugging her, and he did.

Recently her boyfriend (her second husband that she divorced then went back to in 2011) left her for another woman. Now she is alone in her apartment.

She asked that my boyfriend come to her apartment and replace electrical recepticals that a painter she hired painted over. I think this is inappropriate also. Does anyone else agree? When she was with her boyfriend she never asked for him to come over and fix things but now that she was left she thinks she can just come back to him and ask him to do things that her landlord or another male friend could do?

My boyfriend didn't think he sould have to tell me things like this, I only found out because I asked him if he ran into her and he admited he did and then told me about her request, if I hadn't asked he said he wouldn't have told me. I have an issue with that? Does anyone think he should tell me things like that without me having to ask?

Well, we ended up in a fight over it, I am bothered that 1. she asked him to do that, and 2. that he doesn't think he should tell me things like that. I am not mad at him for what she did, I am bothered that she does it. He did tell her no, he said out of respect for our relationship. But if we weren't together he would have done it for her. Until he was with me he used to hang out with her (after she divorced her second husband) at his friend's house and they never seemed to have cut the ties. Now I understand they should interact about their children (again who are over 20 years old) but this miscellaneous stuff she shouldn't be asking for.

And, he isn't talking to me now because of this.

What do you all think?

 
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Old 10-09-2012, 10:26 AM   #2
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Re: Ex-wife asking my boyfriend to come over - opinions

i agree with you, and if he chooses not to talk to you, I wouldn't initiate any contact with him.....let him see thru your actions, that you can live without him.

Last edited by rosequartz; 10-09-2012 at 10:26 AM.

 
Old 10-09-2012, 10:30 AM   #3
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Re: Ex-wife asking my boyfriend to come over - opinions

by the way i went and searched your previous posts before realizing this is the guy who moved in and won't contribute.......honey....don't even pick up the phone if he calls back.....let his ex have him, she'd be doing you a favor.
you're not losing anything, but you can gain back some of your self-respect if you just let him go

 
Old 10-09-2012, 10:40 AM   #4
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Re: Ex-wife asking my boyfriend to come over - opinions

You are right rosequartz, it is the same person. Thank you for the feedback.

 
Old 10-09-2012, 11:06 AM   #5
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Re: Ex-wife asking my boyfriend to come over - opinions

I can't believe you are still with this guy. Here's the thing, you know what kind of low life bum he is in other areas of his life but yet you still expect him to have common consideration and/or common sense in other areas but he has already proved to you that's not who he is.

If he was a normal guy who wasn't a total idiot then I'd say yea you're right he should be more considerate of your relationship. But look who you're talking about! Look at who he is for real and understand that he is not ever going to do things the right way because he is so completely stupid and beneath a normal guy.

That being said, we've been telling you for ages what you should do based on his other many issues but you won't do it. So I think if you're going to insist on staying with this bum then you have to learn how to accept all of his many many faults including this weird relationship that he still has with his ex. I'm hoping though at some point you will get sick of it and finally kick him to the curb but I've been hoping that for a while and it hasn't happened yet for whatever reason.

 
Old 10-09-2012, 11:51 AM   #6
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Re: Ex-wife asking my boyfriend to come over - opinions

Kszan. Thanks for the response, it may seem like ages but I only wrote about my situation 6 months ago. I appreciate eveyone's feedback on things and sometimes you just have to taken action when the time is right for you. But I do hear everything you are saying.

 
Old 10-09-2012, 11:58 AM   #7
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Re: Ex-wife asking my boyfriend to come over - opinions

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jackal17 View Post
Kszan. Thanks for the response, it may seem like ages but I only wrote about my situation 6 months ago. I appreciate eveyone's feedback on things and sometimes you just have to taken action when the time is right for you. But I do hear everything you are saying.
6 months is too long to tolerate that situation......and from your point of view, it's "only 6 months"......how much time will be enough for you to say enough is enough, if 6 months isn't?

 
Old 10-09-2012, 12:07 PM   #8
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Re: Ex-wife asking my boyfriend to come over - opinions

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
6 months is too long to tolerate that situation......and from your point of view, it's "only 6 months"......how much time will be enough for you to say enough is enough, if 6 months isn't?
I am working through that, there are emotional ties and that makes things hard even when it seems logical that I should just end things.

Last edited by Jackal17; 10-09-2012 at 12:09 PM.

 
Old 10-09-2012, 12:18 PM   #9
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Re: Ex-wife asking my boyfriend to come over - opinions

You gotta start being realistic about your future. You know he is no good and you also know things will never improve. It may be time for some soul searching about why you feel so compelled to stay in this which is clearly not working. But at least be honest with yourself because that's the only way you can make the right decision about what to do.

 
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Old 10-09-2012, 01:22 PM   #10
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Re: Ex-wife asking my boyfriend to come over - opinions

Thank you Kszan, I am trying and I know it's probably taking longer than it should.

 
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