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Old 10-12-2012, 07:24 PM   #1
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Is marriage in our future or am I waisting time?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I am 25 and he is 24. I graduated college several years ago and he is done in a few months. We have a great relationship. It really is effortless for us to make our relationship work. Whenever we talk about the future he always says that he doesn't know what is going to happen and can't provide a definite answer. I'm not one to nag so this conversation has really only come up twice in our entire relationship. Last time we talked, he said that hes not ready for marriage and is too young. He commented that he wouldn't be ready to settle down for 3 or 4 more years. I love this man with all of my heart and if it means waiting those few years for us to begin our lives as husband and wife I am willing to wait. He really is worth it. I get discouraged though when people say that if he actually wanted to marry me then he wouldn't want to wait that long. Also I have read so much advice from other women saying that the guys who set far away marriage deadlines are just stalling until the right woman comes along. I believe that a lot of his hesitation comes from wanting to have a stable career first. With his major and current job prospects the odds of him getting a job making a stable salary are very good. I am currently a history teacher and make decent money as well. Although I am a romantic I am also a realist. I don't want to reach the other side of thirty and realize he was never serious about marrying me. We do not live together and both feel that this is reserved for marriage. We are sexually active and spend many nights together but we both maintain separate apartments. Does anyone have any insight on if his desire to wait is simply stalling or if he is genuine about a future with me? Any advice is appreciated.

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Old 10-13-2012, 08:37 AM   #2
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Re: Is marriage in our future or am I waisting time?

The only one who can really answer that is him, no one else. You have to come right out and just ask him, like seriously, just ask him, whether he is stalling on purpose or if he loves you enough, or whether he's just comfortable with the life you guys have. You have to ask him.

Old 10-13-2012, 01:33 PM   #3
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Re: Is marriage in our future or am I waisting time?

I think the answer he gave you is a legitimate one. When you asked, he told you he did not feel ready to settle down for several more years.

So, it goes back to you. If you are enjoying the time you spend together, and do want a future with him, why not continue the relationship and see what happens? Rushing into marriage is not a good idea, and I think his decision to wait is quite realistic. As you mentioned, he has not yet graduated, gotten a job or settled into his post school life yet. I think he is smart to wait, and if you are still there with him when he feels the time is right for him, then it will likely be you he chooses.

However, if you are on the fast track to marriage, another person might be better for you. I would not leave a great relationship in order to marry faster. My husband and I maintained separate homes for 9 years before we got married, and I am glad for that. Two years is not that long to make a lifetime commitment.

I would accept the answer he gave you when you asked the first time, and then decide if you can live with his choice to wait.

Best to both of you...

Old 10-13-2012, 03:05 PM   #4
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Re: Is marriage in our future or am I waisting time?

I understand that your boyfriend may want to wait however I feel that if he truely loves you that he wouldn't want to wait. You have a good job and he will too after he graduates. The coolest part of our 35 years of marriage is the working together to make a marriage work and then after a few years having a family. I have seen so many times that the man doesn't commit and after they break up in a few months he marries someone else. The only fair thing to do is to tell him how you feel and if he doesn't feel the same way then give him a time frame and if he doesn't meet it then you will break up. The older you get the harder it is to find a good mate. Sometimes it is better to give your self a chance rather than to give away your best years. My opinion only. Good luck.

Old 10-14-2012, 12:32 PM   #5
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Re: Is marriage in our future or am I waisting time?

At least he is honest that he wants to wait a bit. But it doesn't mean you need to wait along too unless you really don't mind it. It doesn't hurt to ask if he thinks he wants kids with you one day. If so, you need to remind him there is biological clock clicking after the age of 30 or 35. The other thing is, can you be sure that he won't have second thought in 3 or 4 years. It is really up to you. Is the relationship strong enough to wait? You sure that he is waiting for the right reason? I understand he needs to finish school and find jobs and etc. It may take a year or 2. 4 years is a little long. Do ask if he thinks marriage is important. Maybe he is stalling or maybe he is not. Sometimes he doesn't know what he wants. You don't want to marry him too early in case he depends on you...
It is really a good question and there is a risk. Only time can tell.

Good luck,

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Old 10-14-2012, 04:17 PM   #6
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Re: Is marriage in our future or am I waisting time?

I think you are asking a lot of a young man who isn't even out of college, yet. He will think of marriage when he has a decent job and a settled life. You are a step ahead of him in life so are thinking down the road - he isn't there yet. Cut him a break, let him concentrate on school.

After he graduates, enjoy your time as young lovers who have no major commitments. Pay off your debt, if you have any, travel, do fun things together.

I totally disagree that he has to marry you soon and now if he loves you. I think you are both young and when you are both 27-28 then you may want to marry. My husband and I met at age 24 and got married at 28. We had our first child when I was 31 and are having our second at age 37.

You are still young, wait for him to settle - you both will know when the timing is right.
"There's a big difference in playing the victim than in causing your own personal drama." -BK

Last edited by Belly Kelly; 10-14-2012 at 04:22 PM.

Old 10-20-2012, 06:12 AM   #7
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Re: Is marriage in our future or am I waisting time?

Young men see themselves as chief players in the panorama of life. They have many other exciting interests such as job aspirations, educational pursuits, male friends of long standing, religious pursuits, hobbies, sports etc.

They may want to engage in any of the above pursuits before they commit themselves to marriage. Marriage is a major influence for both male and female genders and in many ways tends to limit a persons participation in these many varied interests.

Old 10-24-2012, 07:55 PM   #8
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Re: Is marriage in our future or am I waisting time?

Let me tell you...I have been with my boyfriend for 7 1/2 years. By year 2 I was ready to be proposed to and whisked away. Didn't happen. I asked him if he was serious and he said he was. He just told me he didn't want to say he was ready to marry me because he didn't want to be let down after getting his hopes up. I understood because we both had previous relationships that ended by cheating.

We were both still in college and hadn't even gotten our adult lives together. He also told me that if he wanted to marry me he wanted to be graduated from college and financially stable and in a long term career.

That was back in 2006-2007. Now we're both college grads and finally working jobs we have worked hard for. We have been finally talking marriage and he seems to be pretty ready.

Men want to be sure they can provide for their family and want to feel like they are needed. My boyfriend couldn't be that man until he reached his goals.

Give it some time and sometimes the topic of marriage comes up naturally.

Good luck love!

Old 10-24-2012, 08:35 PM   #9
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Re: Is marriage in our future or am I waisting time?

I love my husband very much, wouldn't want to live with out him. I was afraid that I was rushing into marriage. I was thinking of running (like run away bride). It is a big commitment, but I am glade I did. I am wondering are you supporting him? Ummmm

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