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Old 10-21-2012, 10:20 AM   #1
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i want to repair the damage

I will condense this as much as possible.

I'm new here but I have been reading other threads over time, looking to solve my own relationship issues, and now I'm here to ask for your help.

I met this man through work about 6 months ago and we really hit it off. Since day 1 he was very flirty and forward with me, and we became close friends while he had a girlfriend. They wore promise rings together. She moved away to a different part of the country 2 months ago, and the promise rings are gone. Long story short, I have recently been spending about 3 or 4 nights a week at his place (we have not slept together, just shared the same bed) and we have kissed and hugged and the sorts. I was over the hills to be with him, considering we have the same goals in life, but I always had nagging feelings about him cheating on his previous girlfriend with me. I also suspect they are not actually broken up, because I know he skypes her on a nightly basis although he denies being with her.

He asked me to be official about a week ago and I said yes. I could see the love in his eyes - it was amazing. That same night, he basically ended our relationship. He told me to be honest about my insecurities so I explained my fears about him in regards to cheating and contacting his ex, and he told me I was too insecure for a relationship.

Since that night, if I sleep over he stays at the far end of the bed and refuses to touch me. All hugging has stopped, same with any kissing. The second night of no physical contact I asked him if I should leave. He said "no, please stay." His explanation for his behaviour was that I get to "decide how close we are". So I would attempt to pull him towards me for a hug or anything, and he would physically push me off of him. Of course this was very hurtful to me.

He tried to make plans for the past 3 days since then but I brushed him off. He invited me to visit him at work, so I did last night for about 10 minutes. Late last night, he sent me a text saying he "kinda wishes I was there tonight" and I did not respond.

Truth is, I love him deeply and I just want to be with him right now. I texted him this morning that it was good to see him and he said "you too". I just want him to invite me over again, so I can hold him in my arms... I even wrote him a little love poem but I'm debating if I should give it to him.

I don't know if this man is playing me, scared of being hurt by me, or what. I also don't know if he needs more "space" and I should just let it go.... or if he is waiting for me to step closer and be more affectionate. Please help me navigate this situation because I don't want to do any more damage....

 
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Old 10-21-2012, 10:31 AM   #2
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Re: i want to repair the damage

Honestly I don't see that you caused the damage. You told him the truth trying to confront with him about his former girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with it. You got a right to know what happened. Are they finished or they may continue someday... It is his fault actually that he refused to tell you the status and blame you for "insecurity". The ex-girlfriend was in your picture already so you have a right to clear the air.
If he is unwilling to clear the air and clarify that he is done with her, then it is his problem. Is he done with her or not? If he blamed it on you for this answer, he is insecure. It is good that he wants you to be official. The way he acted was not the excuse. It is not your damage to fix. He has got to decide which one he wants and treats you properly.

Hugs,
Nina

Last edited by ninamarc; 10-21-2012 at 10:32 AM.

 
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