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Old 10-22-2012, 08:29 PM   #1
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I don't even know how to title this...

I know I have posted here many, many times about this issue and I am sure some of you are tired of my crying about it, but I have to vent. Last night was awful, just awful. Somehow we ended up fighting. I believe it started with how I bought him nasty fudge and I am just too stupid to do anything. We are NOT together, but since we are still living together, I bought him some fudge when I went out of town. He was so rude about what I bought him. I told him that I couldn't wait to get him out of my life and that he was the biggest mistake I have ever made. This is really no lie. He was, bar-none, the worst thing I ever did. That hurt him, so he told me I was the ugliest girl he ever dated. I started crying at this point and he said he didn't mean it, he was just trying to hurt me. I don't know how it ended up getting really bad, but he eventually told me my skin looks like an orange peel and that it makes him want to vomit. He also said his ex was way prettier. I have never, ever in my life had anyone close to me say anything so hurtful. Even my ex who left me for another girl never went that low (while I was throwing boxes at him, he was telling me I was too beautiful to be like that). So, I went ballistic, I went off on him and told him horrible, mean things, that I know will never hurt him the way his comment hurt me. I told him he looks Down Sydrome (I know, really messed up, but...) and that he is missing more teeth than he has and other various lovelies. I cried all night and when I went to work this morning, I had huge, puffy eyes. I told him that if he is not out by the first, I am throwing his crap outside. I told him that he could sleep in a homeless shelter for all I cared and if he was hit by a bus, I wouldn't care. I cannot believe he sunk so low as to hit me right where it really hurts; where no one has ever gone before. I know I should not care if he thinks his ex is prettier than me or that my skin makes him want to vomit. He should not be worth one more single tear, but it doesn't work that way. I cared for him and as much as every single day with him was a mistake, he is someone I was intimate with and spent more than a year with. It hurts to know or be told those kinds of things. I know that my life without him is far better than my life was with him, I just wish things didn't come to blows like this. I feel so alone and ugly.

 
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Old 10-23-2012, 07:21 AM   #2
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Re: I don't even know how to title this...

maybe this is what is necessisary to really give you the strength that you need to move on. Here's an old saying that I really like........

the only man worth crying over is the one who will never make you cry

 
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Old 10-23-2012, 10:55 AM   #3
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Re: I don't even know how to title this...

I was just going to say the same thing. That sometimes it takes a big explosion like this to get that final push to get you in the right direction. He did you a favor cause now you know who he is for real, when his back is against the wall. He is clearly not the guy you'd want by your side if crisis hits. He's just a boy, not a man. So good riddance. And all that stuff he said to you means nothing. He's a nobody so his opinion means about as much as the dirt on your shoe. It doesn't matter what he said, you're done with him so none of that matters anymore.

 
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Old 10-23-2012, 11:23 AM   #4
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Re: I don't even know how to title this...

I think you need to ignore his opinion or comment when he is fighting with you. It is like a cycle, he calls you name and you call him name This game is bound to hurt each other. You should stop right after he calls you anything. Get out of the house and cool yourself down. Ignore what he said as he was talking nonsense. You need to be assertive to know you are not ugly or anything. You are fine. You don't need the ex or him to define you. You know how you look like. He was just bluffy.
When he does that, walk out and ignore it. Don't make a fight in cycles - it is not worth it. It is like you lower yourself to his level.

Last edited by ninamarc; 10-23-2012 at 11:37 AM.

 
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Old 10-23-2012, 08:00 PM   #5
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Re: I don't even know how to title this...

It's over. He is moving out the first of the month. I feel like such a pathetic person. I have been so angry and hurt that I have refused to talk to him and if I have had to say something it is has been mean and we yell at each other. I have gone out my way to make life miserable for him. I have hid the remotes from him because it is my TV. I have told him he can't use my blankets, so that means he has none. I have told him over and over he is the biggest mistake of my life, "and I really mean that". Tonight he wanted to say sorry for what he said and he wouldn't look at me. I asked why he couldn't even look at me while he apologizes and he said if he did, he would cry and his eyes were all red and I could tell he really meant that. This KILLED me. Why does he choose now to reveal any sort of feelings or emotions? No, it is not because he wants to get back together, so that is not it. He agrees that this is over. More importantly, why did I feel an incredible urge to hug him? I actually entertained the thought of groveling and asking him to stay. After what he said and what he has done for over a year, why did I even feel like calling off the break up and getting back together? What is wrong with me? Seriously? It seems I have no dignity at all. The second he tells me he is sorry and he starts to cry all of my reserve and decisions go out the window. I asked him why he was not sad that he was losing me and he said he was, but that he doesn't show it. He said he can't watch half the shows he likes because they were our shows and they will remind him of me. He said he has no idea what he will make for dinner, because he made it all for me and it will remind him too much of me. I hear these things and I melt like butter. What shouldn't mean a dang thing after so much pain and hurt means the world. I feel like I need my therapist and my friends and family to hold my hand through this and say, "Oh no you don't". I am flat-out pathetic.

 
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Old 10-23-2012, 08:29 PM   #6
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Re: I don't even know how to title this...

Even if he does mean it, you two should not be together. The fights will happen again and again and you know that. I know it's hard, I've been there done that and never will again. I am happly married now. If I didn't leave I wouldn't have meet my husband. Be strong, move on lol
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Old 10-24-2012, 06:19 AM   #7
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Re: I don't even know how to title this...

The good thing in this is that your hurt is finally turning to anger, which, I believe, is needed to move on. Stay angry until he is gone and then heal yourself. These feelings are healthy.
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Old 10-24-2012, 08:15 AM   #8
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Re: I don't even know how to title this...

he's trying to manipulate you and you're feeling sorry for him......you're being co-dependent, worrying more about his needs than your own.....
trust me, I know, I'm co-dependent myself and it's a constant struggle, but I'm getting better at not putting everyone elses needs above my own

 
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Old 10-24-2012, 08:38 AM   #9
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Re: I don't even know how to title this...

I don't think he cares enough to try to manipulate me. He doesn't want to get back together, so I don't know why he would try to manipulate me. It really does anger me though that NOW he wants to communicate. NOW he shows his emotions and shares about himself. He told me he is sad and will miss me but since his brother died and he was so sad he was sick and in bed for a week, nothing else is close to as sad as that. He said since that and his parents leaving him, he gets over stuff fast. When he tells me these things, I want to wrap my arms around him and make him better. I agree, I'm co-dependent, but I don't think he's opening up now to manipulate, but I don't know why he is. I have to stay angry though. I have to remember why I did this in the first place. How can I stay strong?

 
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Old 10-24-2012, 08:47 AM   #10
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Re: I don't even know how to title this...

it may not even have anything to do with him caring enough to manipulate you......it could just be that he's losing his grasp on you and that scares him. you've upset his applecart and he's trying to hang on.....
just keep reminding yourself that it isn't going to work, no matter what.....
you deserve better

 
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Old 10-24-2012, 09:47 AM   #11
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Re: I don't even know how to title this...

No, that's the thing, he has never cared enough to have a grasp on me. He has never cared if we are together or not. If I left a year ago, 6 months ago, whatever, he would have been fine with that. I don't think he's scared to be losing me, he's more happy about this break up than I am.

 
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Old 10-24-2012, 01:13 PM   #12
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Re: I don't even know how to title this...

then maybe it's an ego thing.....he got dumped!

 
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Old 10-24-2012, 06:45 PM   #13
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Re: I don't even know how to title this...

Everybody can see what is really happening, why are you not wanting to see? He wants you to feel sad for him. Why? We know and so do you. Some are also thinking you might just take him back. Do you really deep down want that? Maybe you do. It seems like it. It will not stop untill you stop it. Good luck
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Old 10-24-2012, 07:48 PM   #14
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Re: I don't even know how to title this...

I can see you're crumbling...getting ready to try to get him to stay with you.

Just remember, the cycle will not change and you're not suddenly going to be happy with him and with the relationship. Because you never have been, it's not going to turn into a fairy tale even if you want it to.

What you are feeling is the fear of being alone. Alone is not bad! Why do people think it's such a tragedy to not have a boyfriend???

You'll be fine when you decide you are. He does NOT get to decide if you're happy or sad, remember that!

 
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Old 10-24-2012, 10:31 PM   #15
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Re: I don't even know how to title this...

I am crumbling, but only because he's revealing so many of his emotions. Now he's telling me he thinks he loved me, but didn't know how to show it. Why say these things now? I can't stay strong when I hear those things!!

 
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