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Old 11-04-2012, 10:21 PM   #1
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memorable HB User
Betrayed and confused

I believe my husband has cheated on me many years ago but since then has been too devoted and I think he loves me very much. He now fears to lose me and I have felt really cheated and betrayed and cannot forgive him or stand it even if he has been my best friend, confidiant and lover.

I realised marriage needs a plan B like anything else. I am contemplating having a long distance affair, have subscribed to on line dating but very affraid to post my picture. I have told him I need to break free but but he cannot take me serious. he is asking for forginess and denies he had an affair or ever slept with any other women since we were married. He claims he imagined sleeping with a workmate but never did. My heart bleeds, my son is still in high school and my daughter at university. I am so afraid to destroy their lives especially when they are not suspecting. I feel I should make him feel the pain I 'm going through then I would have settled the score with him. I have known him intim****alone and alone. Feel its time to venture and in another eventuality i will not be this devastated.

I am confused but my pain is so really. I cannot stomach being cheated.

 
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Old 11-06-2012, 08:52 AM   #2
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Re: Betrayed and confused

don't let a demon bring you to its level


I'm not saying your husband's a demon. He is human, like the rest of us. Imperfect. But you have a chance to be better than he was. Don't let your disappointment with him drive your soul from you. You could some day regret it.

 
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Old 11-06-2012, 10:52 AM   #3
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Re: Betrayed and confused

I do not advise a long distance affair at any time. You think you are eaten up now, don't do this to yourself. You can never repair a relationship by going outside of it. And what if he is telling you the truth?

If you want out of this relationship that is one thing, but the rebound relationships rarely work out. I would always recommend ending one relationship before ever starting another one, and even better, take a long time before starting another.

Your children do not deserve this.

 
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Old 11-06-2012, 11:29 AM   #4
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Re: Betrayed and confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by memorable View Post
I feel I should make him feel the pain I 'm going through then I would have settled the score with him.
First of all, you said that you have a "feeling" that he cheated but you don't have any proof of it. It allegedly happened a really long time ago so how do you know? You don't seem to know for sure. For you to go off on a random affair to get back at your husband for something that he may not have even done shows very poor character on your part. Do you really want to be that person? And how will you feel if you find out he was telling the truth that nothing ever happened with someone else but you'd already had your little affair? How would you live with yourself?

Secondly, this attitude of yours is the most unhealthy way possible to deal with a marriage problem. Your marriage is severely lacking in open communication, which is a requirement for a healthy marriage. What you should be doing instead of planning revenge is talking to your husband and sharing your fears and concerns with him in a loving and open way so that you can both be on the same page. All of this behind his back stuff is juvenile and will blow up in your face, guaranteed.

Third, your best option for getting all of this behind you is to go for counseling. You can start out going alone but you may want to eventually go with some couples counseling. But you might find that the problem is all your own and that the individual counseling will actually in the end help you work your way through this. Either way, I suggest counseling before a worthless affair that will only make things a lot worse than better.

Last edited by Kszan; 11-06-2012 at 11:30 AM.

 
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Old 11-07-2012, 06:49 AM   #5
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Re: Betrayed and confused

Thank you. U are amazing friends and god given. Your advise is priceless. Thank you.

 
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Old 11-07-2012, 04:01 PM   #6
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Re: Betrayed and confused

Losing your best friend will feel worse than being together with an imperfect person.

Quote:
Originally Posted by memorable View Post
I believe my husband has cheated on me many years ago but since then has been too devoted and I think he loves me very much. He now fears to lose me and I have felt really cheated and betrayed and cannot forgive him or stand it even if he has been my best friend, confidiant and lover.

I realised marriage needs a plan B like anything else. I am contemplating having a long distance affair, have subscribed to on line dating but very affraid to post my picture. I have told him I need to break free but but he cannot take me serious. he is asking for forginess and denies he had an affair or ever slept with any other women since we were married. He claims he imagined sleeping with a workmate but never did. My heart bleeds, my son is still in high school and my daughter at university. I am so afraid to destroy their lives especially when they are not suspecting. I feel I should make him feel the pain I 'm going through then I would have settled the score with him. I have known him intim****alone and alone. Feel its time to venture and in another eventuality i will not be this devastated.

I am confused but my pain is so really. I cannot stomach being cheated.

 
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