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Old 07-02-2001, 05:20 PM   #1
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Lightbulb compulsive liar

my fiance is a compulsive liar he constantly lies to me about everything , when we first met he told me hed had sex before , and since it seemed like he knew what he was doing i never questioned it , but come to find out he was a virgin , but he made up all these fake people and fake female names and told all his friends taht hed had sex too , hes 27 years old now and we had sex in november of last year which owuld have made him 26 , he constantly makes up lie after lie thats not the only things hes lied about , and now i feel wierd knowing hes never had sex before to me a 26 year old man that has never had sex is weird to me could that mean hes gay? or bi-sexual or what i dont know just weird or could he be lying again and really have done it , i cant trust him at all because he constantly lies to me all the time i just dont believe a word hes saying i love him with all my heart but im not sure that i want to spend the rest of my life with a compulsive liar im just really confused on what to do , i cant just tell him its over because all my family thinks his so wonderful but they dont see what i see and i just divorced my husband in febuary for this man , im not sure why i did it now , i think i might have amade a mistake , i dont know what to do advice please ?
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Old 07-03-2001, 04:12 AM   #2
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Hi there,

I'm just wondering if you have talked to him about it? It sounds like maybe he just doesn't think his life is exciting enough and he has to make things up? Maybe if you just talked to him about it, he would realize that he is doing it. Just a thought...
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Old 07-03-2001, 11:53 AM   #3
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As a man, I can tell you that almost all men lie or certainly embelish the truth when it comes to their sexual exploits. Especially around other men. But admitting you were a virgin to a woman would would be a pretty hard thing for the male ego to do. As long as he's come clean to you about it now, I wouldn't worry about it. I certainly would not say a 26 year old man who hasn't had sex is "wierd", or a possible homosexual. In the minority yes, but wierd or gay no. Now if he is constantly being dishonest about other things he may have a problem. And honesty is certainly important in any relationship. Just talk to him about it and make the decision you need to make from there.

 
Old 07-03-2001, 11:58 AM   #4
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no im pretty sure hes aware of it weve had several big arguements about it and ive threaten stopping the wedding and to quit seeing him but that doesnt seem to make a difference to him , and i do think your right about his life being boring and thats why hes making it up , i mean why else would he but to be a virgin til hes 26 and to lie about that isnt that something someone should be proud of , but hes lied to me and all his friends well everybody , maybe his friends i could see but to the woman hes fixin to spend his life with and share his life with , i just dont get that i have a lot of things in my past im not to proud of but ive told him everything , and i mean everything about me , even things i did not want him to know , so why would he continue to make things up , he even made up that he was in a relationship with this girl that he knew and when i asked her about it she said they never so much as even kissed at all , and that there was never anything going on with them and that she was engaged to get married the entire time they were around eachother , so see he lied about that to , im just confussed should i get out of something like this or what ? i mean if he lies about silly things like that now what might he lie about in the future ? thanks again tasha
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Old 07-03-2001, 12:32 PM   #5
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yeah he diffenantly lies about other things as well , i mean everything ! i guess ill continue to watch him really closely and if i catch him lying again ill have to put my foot down and i will have to make it the end of this ordeal or hes never gonna realize that he cant just go around making things up that arent trus thanks for your advice tasha
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Old 07-05-2001, 08:29 AM   #6
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First, Are you at the correct board for your issue, you think?
Next, You want advice and I will not give it but I will give you feedback from a different perspective and my experience with MY relationships and what I have learned.
When a partner (or anyone) lies, it is usually out of fear or some other motive. We fear telling the truth for many reasons, rejection, judgement, etc. I have been in a relationship where my partner has lied and I found out and we discussed it and(it wasn't pretty) and I left. I left him to his own devices and he decided he wanted to work things out. Since then, we talk (on a civil level) and I tell him that I love him but I do not want to live like that. We are also recovering addicts and our whole lives were centered around lies. There are many things that he is embarrassed about and he wants to stray from the truth, but we talk about it and it gets resolved. When people lie, we take it personal, but many times it isn't. Getting constantly chastised by you and reminded how awful he is being to you, doesn't help either. When you commit to someone for the rest of your life it should be unconditional love. That doesn't mean you take abuse or anything like that. It means you do not judge them and you stick around and you work through the problems always seeing what your part is in it and what you both can do towards the solution instead of living in the problem.
For myself, if a man left his wife for me that would be an instant red flag for me. People need time for themselves before they can give fully to a new reationship and for it to be healthy. Please dont' take this wrong but what I see (from your post) is that you were unhappy in your marriage and went outside the relationship to try and fix it. I am 45 years old and have had marriages and I am only speaking from experience. In retrospect I see many mistakes I made. Also my active addiction had much to do with it.
Hope you find your solution.
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Old 07-05-2001, 10:53 AM   #7
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well to be honest you didnt help much because i dont think you know what your taking about ! ive been married twoce i did go out side my realtionship but in the process , i found my soon to be husband brad and yes he does lie alot " BUT HES NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP BEFORE ME NOR HAS HE EVER EVEN HAD SEX BEFORE ME AND HES FREAKIN 27 YEARS OLD WE JUST MET 10 MONTHS AGO " are you with me so far ? i am to a recovering addict of 15 years a meth user , i think i know a little about lies myself and yes i am in the right place for this topic have you not read the other freakin topics ? that if mine should be addressed then theres should as well ? good god! addiction ? i think compulsive lying is an addiction ! anyways ! like i said before your way off on the story i think you need to read it again !
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Old 07-06-2001, 11:42 AM   #8
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If you are a recovered addict, then you probably know that you can't change somebody else. You can only change how YOU react to it. You may get a better response from a board that deals with relationship issues or ANGER MANAGEMENT. peace

 
Old 07-06-2001, 12:21 PM   #9
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i went thorught anger management ,and ive been through parenting , ive taken maritial as well and completed a drug couseling course and attened na and aa i havent seen a bored with any issues like this but lets see on this bored ive also see where people have asked about help for somebody to quit sucking there thumb at 16 and other related topics that shouldnt be on here as well soooooooo anyways . later
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natasha

 
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