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Old 11-18-2012, 05:42 AM   #1
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Boyfriend wont let me sleep.

He is very clingy. We live in different states.Yesterday was our 1 year together.

We spent the day talking about things we want to change. And ways to better our relationship.we have been fighting a lot lately.

Anyways.... he won let me sleep.
I have no job and no school. I don't leave the house often. And I have been depressed lately. There has been a lot of stress between us lately on both ends. But I feel like its mostly me pushing him away.

He has ocd and is clingy. But I love him and he is always there for me. He is very mature. But there I one thing I can never speak with him about. And that is that he is so clingy.
He works days and so I spend the nights with him. Seeping all day and staying awake till 4 or 5 am to be with him.

I am always on the phone with him. He calls me at every work break. And that I don't mind... what I do mind is that if I don't answer the phone he freaks out and spans me until I do. He immediately thinks there is something wrong or that I am mad at him.
I suppose he just got comfortable with it.. and it became a sort of routine we have now. But I despratly want some alone time and space from him.
When I bring it up he either gets angry or sad. Because he thinks that if I don't want to constantly be with him that means I don't love him anymore.

Its very unfair. Becase I end up resenting him and I feel pushed away and I can't talk to him because he is so abrasive when it comes to this subject.
Another note... he plans my entire days for me and tries to micro manage everything

He always calls and wakes me up at 3 pm and I am always mean to him when he wakes me up... he says its because if I sleep all day I wont be able to wake up for him at night.
He always nags me about my sleeping times. I have insomnia....why can't he see how important sleep is to me?.. it has nothing to do with him...

 
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Old 11-18-2012, 09:08 AM   #2
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Re: Boyfriend wont let me sleep.

This is horrible and you need to get away and rid of this guy soon. This clastrophic behaviour isnt love or normal. He is expelling his OCD on to you. Look to get away from him somehow, or you will have a life of misery.

 
Old 11-18-2012, 10:19 AM   #3
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Re: Boyfriend wont let me sleep.

If you want to keep the relationship, then tell him flat out that you have to have your sleep, and if he can't handle that, then it is over. Mean it too, and follow through. If he values you enough, and if you insist enough, then he will respect your boundaries. If he will not, then I cannot see how you can stay. Don't let him intimidate you; it sounds as if he needs you more than you need him. Use the power you have in this relationship to work for change and a little more respect. Sera

 
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Old 11-20-2012, 08:18 AM   #4
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Re: Boyfriend wont let me sleep.

He keeps you awake even though you live in different states? Well, this one is easy, just turn off your phone.

 
Old 11-20-2012, 09:26 AM   #5
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Re: Boyfriend wont let me sleep.

I completely agree, turn off your phone and get some sleep! If he hassles you about it, I would tell him he is being an idiot and to quit it or else. And you need to quit being such a doormat to someone who doesn't even live in the same state as you do!

 
Old 11-20-2012, 04:27 PM   #6
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Re: Boyfriend wont let me sleep.

Quote:
Originally Posted by trystme View Post
He keeps you awake even though you live in different states? Well, this one is easy, just turn off your phone.
I agree with this 100%.....

 
Old 11-20-2012, 05:36 PM   #7
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Re: Boyfriend wont let me sleep.

I agree with the others except I would tell him in advance. The last time you talk on whatever day, tell him you will not be available the next day until whatever time you want to be available. Then turn the phone off. If he goes crazy, he goes crazy. You need to start to build some independence for him and for you.

And, by the way, that should include getting a life after you turn off that phone. It doesn't have to be anything spectatular. Heck, get a part time fast food job. But try to find something to fill a few of your hours each week and get your own schedule that he works within. If he can accept that change, then he might be worth working with. If he can't, you need to move on.

 
Old 11-21-2012, 11:20 AM   #8
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Re: Boyfriend wont let me sleep.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DirtCleen View Post
I suppose he just got comfortable with it.. and it became a sort of routine we have now. But I despratly want some alone time and space from him.
When I bring it up he either gets angry or sad. Because he thinks that if I don't want to constantly be with him that means I don't love him anymore.

Its very unfair. Becase I end up resenting him and I feel pushed away and I can't talk to him because he is so abrasive when it comes to this subject.
Another note... he plans my entire days for me and tries to micro manage everything

He always calls and wakes me up at 3 pm and I am always mean to him when he wakes me up... he says its because if I sleep all day I wont be able to wake up for him at night.
He always nags me about my sleeping times. I have insomnia....why can't he see how important sleep is to me?.. it has nothing to do with him...
There are two major issues that you need to consider. 1) He is VERY VERY insecure with himself. He/You say it's OCD, but it's really his insecurities that has him clinging to you for dear life. It's a tremendous amount of pressure/stress to have someone like that since everything revolves around you and your ability to make him happy. I'm sorry but he's not a healthy individual which is why he has to control your life. His controlling nature is a way to mitigate his insecurities which he should get some help on if he wants to be able to have a healthy relationship.

I'm not saying you should just dump him outright since I'm sure there's other qualities you like, but you have to address the second major issue which is 2) boundaries. You really have to set your boundaries and be firm with it. He also has to respect your boundaries or else you're going to resent him like you already do. I would have a heart to heart with him and tell him that he has to respect your boundaries and that you are NOT a child and he's NOT your mother/father who has to tell you what to do everyday. You are your own individual self and can do things quite easily yourself. If he can't deal with you being an individual or understand that you need space then you need to decide if that is how you want to live. It's not going to get better if you don't stand up for yourself and have him deal with his insecurities.


Good Luck!
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
— Eleanor Roosevelt

Last edited by baffomet; 11-21-2012 at 11:22 AM.

 
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