This is the first time I have ever tried anything like this, but I am desperate. I am married to a man who can be the most wonderful person in the world, or the devil himself. We have been married 28 years and raised 3 amazing kids....At the beginning of our marriage he did have somewhat of a temper, but I just figured we were both 18 and learning this new marriage thing. over the years I have seen him do some things that I will never forget. He has been abusive,not physically (well 3 times,yes 3 times too many,don't ask why I stayed)Now that our kids are grown,our son will be home in dec. college turned out to be too much,but back to the point, seems he just never is happy for long any more. he is very critical about everything,seems he just can't find anything to be happy about,our girls don't visist very often or let the babies stay very long because they don't want there kids to see papa like that. he can't just be mad, he has to rant and rave, mumbles under his breath,tells me I act just like his hands (he works on a drilling rig and is a driller,boss)I don't bother arguing back,have learned it only makes it worse, when he on one of his rants or "rages" as I named them, he will spit in my face as he yells at me,I finaly told him I won't live like this any more, we both grew up in abusive alcoholic homes, but I turned out passive, I let Karma work for me, maybe because he has enough anger for both of us, I told him I think he needs to go see a dr. he tells me after the rage, the name calling, the being told to get the f&*( out if I don't like it, then stopped at the door when I try to leave,) that he can't control himself, he doesn't know why he does this. The hardest thing of all I think, is seeing other people especially women and kids get to see the man my kids and me should see daily, instead I get a cranky mean old man, and my kids only come around if dad is at work most of the time.Don't even really know what my question was or is, but I do know there are alot of people out there who deal with angry people, but how, where is my next step????
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: woodstock1984 dunerkat58 (02-07-2013), nightowl2 (11-30-2012)
... but I do know there are alot of people out there who deal with angry people, but how, where is my next step????
People who are able to successfully deal with angry people know how and where to set limits of how much they'll accept. They aren't "passive".
Your next step should be to look inward at yourself instead of focusing outward to him. You have to decide why you imagine you deserve this kind of treatment. Hopefully, you'll see you don't and will separate yourself from the behavior before more harm is done to your person.
It's likely true he doesn't know why he acts that way, but he absolutely does have control over fixing it. Rage is a choice. It's entirely possible that it will continue to escalate until he seriously harms you. That's how it is with abuse that is allowed to go unchecked.
__________________ "We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses." Abraham Lincoln
I think that when YOU are ready you will leave him! I have sooo been in that place! I was with an alcoholic! It was NOT fun! Everybody told me to leave him..I didn't! I let him leave our apartment..but, I missed him in a lot of ways! He didn't live with me for some time..until I wanted him to come back and live with me..because I could NOT stand roommates!! Bad reason..but, I did like him..I still do..and he no longer drinks.. but, now I am married to another person..and years later he has ended up in a resthome!! He is quite ill! I am worried about him!! I still care about my ex..but, I am NOT "in love" with him!! But, NOT to get into mY issues..what I think that you will do is when YOU are ready to leave him..that's what you will do!! It's hard to do this..but, Somewhere you will find the strength to do what you "gotta do!!" It's NOT your fault that he is mean to you!! It's HIM!!!
You are I am sure a great human being..so, do NOT worry or think that "it's all my fault!!" It's not!!!
Hugs to you! You have a friend here, cheering you on!! Go for it..when you are ready!!
Peace love and light!!!
The Following User Says Thank You to nightowl2 For This Useful Post: dunerkat58 (02-07-2013)