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-   -   I Love my wife but DO NOT like my stepson, HELP!??!?! (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/930158-i-love-my-wife-but-do-not-like-my-stepson-help.html)

Ronn9 12-03-2012 11:47 AM

I Love my wife but DO NOT like my stepson, HELP!??!?!
 
:o
It is so hard for me to deal with...I have no issues with my other step sons but the one I have issues with , I have always had issues with.. He is just unbelievably wimpy (12 yr old) , his older brothers are not like that at all and constantly badger him about it, and it is making the issues worse. They have been disaplined for it time and time again....He doesnot help himself much , he is just a whiney, wimpy, hypocrondriac, that I am unable to help in any way. I feel bad because I have truely come to dislike this boy, and I know thats not right of me... I cant even explain how bad it is... He has no friends and he complains about everything, Theres really no reason anyone would want to be friends with him, he doesnot offer anything in the way of friendship. I have tryed to help him with this, but like everything else he just doesnt get it.. My wifes exhusband is extremely wimpy, but her other two boys are not.. Its just strange, my youngest daughter and my step daughter (1o and 12) constantly make him cry...I told my wife a 12 yr old boy should not be made to cry by little girls. She doesnt seem to see a problem... Is it me?? PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK!! Am I just a horrible person??? If you need more info plz ask me. I dont mind offering it out I just dont know what would be significant as info....

Seraph 12-03-2012 03:09 PM

Re: NOBODY likes my stepson (12) , including me...
 
This poor kid is really the family target, isn't he? I know you probably have the best intentions, but the way you describe this boy shows the way you think of him. Do you think it is possible that he doesn't know that you don't like him? I think not. He sounds like the most unhappy kid, and why not - all his siblings pick on him, so even his home is not a safe place from bullying. I bet he cops it at school too. Look at the words you used and try a different interpretation:
Wimpy = zero self esteem
Whiny = no self-defence skills
Hypochondriac = deep anxiety
You are not a horrible person but you do need to remember that this little boy has problems and a fair bit of it comes from being totally unacceptable for being himself. He gets bullied by his family, and there is definitely an undertone of "he asks for it". It sounds also if your help is all geared to changing him. It will not work. This help can only come from an approach of total acceptance, eg "you are you and I love you as you are, but we can find ways of helping you to deal with life". At the moment, he is hearing "you are not good enough to be loved".
Sera

DaveO48 12-11-2012 03:45 PM

Re: I Love my wife but DONOT like my stepson, HELP!??!?!
 
I hate to tell you this but, you need to make a game plan for resolving this problem you have very soon. Badgered kids withdraw and end up doing things you, as a parent, don't want a part of, (Columbine?).
Try to help yourself, and the others in your family that don't get it, to understand that continuing on your previous path is problematic.
Find a counselor and work out the problems. You don't seem to understand what is going on in his head. Maybe you never will, but at least try!

Ronn9 12-11-2012 04:26 PM

Re: I Love my wife but DONOT like my stepson, HELP!??!?!
 
Thanks for the reply! Yes I agree completely.... unfortunately my wife and her exhusband dont think he needs counseling... its insane,......

WhatWasIThinkin 12-12-2012 06:57 AM

Re: I Love my wife but DONOT like my stepson, HELP!??!?!
 
He sounds terribly depressed. Poor kid.

rosequartz 12-12-2012 07:06 AM

Re: I Love my wife but DONOT like my stepson, HELP!??!?!
 
some people and some kids are just more sensitive than others......
maybe he's sensitive.....who knows?
but I agree with the above, this treatment is unacceptable, and it amounts to bullying......you and your wife need to put your foot down and teach the other kids the correct way to treat people......


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