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Old 12-07-2012, 04:36 AM   #1
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is it over between me and my wife ?

over the last 6months my wife and i are always arguing over small things. and she has stopped showing me love of affection. when i ask her for a kiss she moans at me for asking.

going back a while now she took a pregnancy test and it came back positive, left it another 2 weeks and took another test but that was negative, i found another pregnancy test in the bin a week later that showed a positive result.. over time her stomach started to show signs of pregnancy. But 15 years ago she had treatment to prevent pregnancy. 7months ago i found her crying in the bathroom, i asked her why she was crying, she said she had lost it and blood clot were seen. but a few days prier to this we had a big argument and i moved her aside so i could leave an give her space but she stumbled onto the bed..

since then when ever we argue she blames me for loosing the baby.. but she did not comfurm her pregnancy at her doctors.

recently over the last 3 months she has been showing me no feelings and refuses sex. i have asked her if there is anyone one else, she says she has no time for anyone else.

i love my wife with all of my heart, i tell her that from time to time and all i get in reply is, what-ever... or nice for yeah.
she moans to her parents that i spend all night to early hours on my computer and get up late during the day.

when it comes to house work when i go ahead and do something, say hoover up or wash the dishes she says just leave it. then later moans at me for not doing them.

during these last few weeks she has told me she no longer loves me, then she says i'm a waist of space. many arguements.

her father and i chat and i have mentioned to him about us arguing all the time and she isn't interested in anything i say or do.. when her father and i have had our chat he then later phones up my wife (his daughter) and tells her everything we spoke about, after the phone call has ended we would argue yet again over the phone call conversation.

the last week of so i've been helping out with the washing the dishes etc, i still get the cold should. i just don't seem to win.

during our arguments she would say things like.. if you don't like it anymore, you know where the door is.
when i try to talk to her with a calm head she does not listen and says she's not interested.


any advise to try and get thing back on track with my wife would be greatfull

SirBuBBaLoT

 
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Old 12-07-2012, 04:59 AM   #2
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Re: is it over between me and my wife ?

Problem probably HORMONAL, temporary, guessing, just off top of my head. Give it a rest for 6 wks or 3 months or whatever, and my hunch is that she might start complaining you don't love her any more or something like that. Give the pregnancy hormones a chance to clear.

Another thing, I don't know if doctors still do a "D and C" surgery, to make sure there are no remains left in the uterus. If the fetus was no bigger than a blood clot, though, she couldn't have been far enough along to have been showing. Might even be still pregnant (?) If so, she'll be emotional all through it. Maybe not really know what she wants. Realize she can't help it. Good luck.

Last edited by Eagle; 12-07-2012 at 05:01 AM.

 
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Old 12-07-2012, 05:25 AM   #3
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Re: is it over between me and my wife ?

i don't think she is still pregnant.. the bump has gone back to normal shape. and has been so for some months.

my wife talks calmly with other members of her family but when it comes to talking to me it's moody or she ignores me talking to her.

i spend most of my hours a day in my computer room so that she has space to calm down. but when i go down she either ignores me or moody with me. sometimes when i try to talk to her she either shuggs her shoulders and twists her face or says... i'm not a$$ 'd.

i'm at a loose end to make things right by my wife. no matter what things i say or do helps the matter, she shows no interested.

Last edited by SirBuBBaLoT; 12-07-2012 at 05:27 AM.

 
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Old 12-07-2012, 11:23 AM   #4
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Re: is it over between me and my wife ?

One thing I will say, from experience, is that you should never, ever talk to your spouse's parents about her. My ex-H did that, and he is now an ex for a reason (that was not the only one but was definitely a huge issue). I get that you thought you would get some clarification from her father, or that you thought he'd help somehow. But it is not helpful. It's an intrusion, and shows a woman a huge lack of trust when you run to her parents and "tattle." (I know you didn't think of it that way, or even mean it that way, but that is how it is perceived.)

Your wife needs help from someone other than you. I doubt that she'll see someone if you suggest it. But you might try one more time to gently tell her you love her and want the marriage to work, and ask if she will see a counselor or minister with you. It sounds like she has a lot of built up stress over something (which may nor may involve this alleged pregnancy) and needs help getting through it.

 
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Old 12-07-2012, 02:43 PM   #5
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Re: is it over between me and my wife ?

these last few days has been really bad. the rest of the family say we should have a break from each other. and sleep in separate rooms. and stop contact with each other for a while.

we have 4 children together.. 20.. 17.. 17.. and 13. my youngest daughter (17)
recently gave birth to her 1st son (our grandson) 11weeks premature.

my wife goes to visit our grandson every night for a few hours i yet have to go visit him. she doesn't give me any details on our grandson's progress, i have to get it second hand.

 
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Old 12-08-2012, 01:17 AM   #6
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Re: is it over between me and my wife ?

Divert her attention to something else and ignore the pouting?
Maybe some kind of new activity? Is she actually past the age llimit to have been pregnant, and just envies your daughter? Blames you? (Men sometimes seem to blame a wife when they become impotent, you know.) I don't think I'd insult her by suggesting she see someone. Wouldn't she start telling that you need to see someone yourself?

You can't even visit your grandson because she tells something on you? Maybe just because your daughter's had so much attention lately? What's her astrology sign? I don't know much about that, but "they say" Scorpio's are especially inclined to jealousy. Probably some others too, especially if she's "home alone" all day while you're at work and you have no activities or friends together. I don't mean to insult anyone, just trying to help. I THINK I'd divert her attention and ignore the pouting, in case she's enjoying having the power to make you anxious. You've tried. And you did ask What'd I do? Or what'd I say? Early-on. Right?

Last edited by Eagle; 12-08-2012 at 01:27 AM. Reason: Better Wording

 
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Old 12-08-2012, 06:16 AM   #7
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Re: is it over between me and my wife ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SirBuBBaLoT View Post
. my wife goes to visit our grandson every night for a few hours i yet have to go visit him. she doesn't give me any details on our grandson's progress, i have to get it second hand.
I'm confused, why can't you just call your daughter yourself to check on her and ask how the baby is doing? And why can't you just go over there yourself? What's stopping you? That's weird to me because when my dad was still alive he would call me all the time to ask me how I'm doing and he would come to my work to have lunch with me sometimes and he would come to my house too without my mom. I can't understand why you are waiting to get info secondhand instead of calling your daughter yourself and going to see your grandson on your own time?

 
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Old 12-08-2012, 01:59 PM   #8
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Re: is it over between me and my wife ?

Me too. I was thinking the same thing, and decided maybe she's testing how much you'll take because you love her, but what do I know? I'm very very sorry that nice people sometimes get hurt like this. Isn't it usually the husband who takes over the kids once his wife has raised them, and she's the one shut out?

 
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Old 12-09-2012, 07:25 PM   #9
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Re: is it over between me and my wife ?

these last few days have been really messy for me.

my wife said that we need to have a break from each other for a few days. i wasn't happy with the thought of the over night break so i said i would go for a full day break to see MY family.

so i go to my parent home to visit them but they were not in so i contacted an old school friend and went over to see him for a few hours. he agreed to take me back over to my parents in his car. During this journey i receive a phone call from my wife telling me not to come back, it's over. and will be going to the solicitors on monday to start the devorce.

i asked her dad if he would goto the house and get my personal stuff out, he agreed to do so. when emptying the car of my belonging into my parents home he said to me...

(my youngest son 13yrs) my son was upset while my belongings were removed from the home and placed into the car, he asked, "where is my dad going, i don't want him to go, i want him back home" my wife comforted him with a cuddle and said to him.. "it's alright, he'll be back home in a few days"

yesterday afternoon i received a phone call from my wife, ranting and raving at me saying, "stop contacting my dad, he's not interested. it's over! you not coming back, not now.. not ever"
i asked why not.. she shouted at me and replied with a temper, " because YOU killed my baby.. get it through to your thick head it over and you are NOT ever coming back."
she then put my daughter on the phone and she said to me...
" get into your head you are an arsehole, you are not allowed to see morgan (the grandson) you are NOT my dad, as far i'm concerned i have no dad, you are dead to me. you've not been my dad for many years"

then handed it back to the wife.. she's still shouting at me.. repeating herself about not taking me back then slams the phone down on me.

so now i will live my life single and move on alone. and catch up with my lost friends i was unable to talk to because the wife wasn't happy with me having friends. i now live with my brother. spoke to some of my old friends and one of them has invited me to a party in the next few days.

and sometime in 2013 i will be getting my driving licence and my own car. which i wasn't able to get while i was with the wife. and continue to go ahead with my plan of going self employed. again something the wife moaned about saying it would mess up the benefits were are claiming.

now i live my own life.
leave contacting my kids for a while let them heal from what's been happening round them.. if they contact me off course i will talk to them, as they are my children.

Last edited by SirBuBBaLoT; 12-09-2012 at 07:29 PM.

 
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Old 12-10-2012, 09:05 AM   #10
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Re: is it over between me and my wife ?

You sound incredibly detached from your family. Your wife loses a child and you spend most of the day in the computer room "giving her space", seriously? to your wife that comes across as you just don't care. Why is your daughter so angry at you and saying "you've not been my dad for many years"? this just didn't come out of the blue, and now that your marriage is over you're attitude is like, well I guess I'll move on. It sounds like you have no idea of what is going on around you with your family and how they are feeling towards you. Unless everyone in your family has suddenly gone mad, there is much more going on here and it's been building for some time

From the things you've posted it sounds as though you are just distant and apathetic about your wife and your children. Honestly, if I had just lost a baby or was going through a tough time and my husband just withdrew to the computer room to let it all blow over I think I would build a lot of resentment and hurt too. You sound and act like you just don't care. What else are you not telling us?

"now i live my own life.
leave contacting my kids for a while let them heal from what's been happening round them.. if they contact me off course i will talk to them, as they are my children. "

so now you plan on taking the same apathetic approach with your children as you took with your wife when she needed you, seriously? what message do you think that will send to them? Is it so hard for you to reach out and show your family that you actually care about them?

Last edited by captjane; 12-10-2012 at 09:49 AM.

 
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:32 PM   #11
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Re: is it over between me and my wife ?

I think Jane raises some excellent points. And I think it goes along with the question I posted earlier, which you did not address, regarding why you don't just call your daughter to check up on her and the baby yourself and why you can't go see her by yourself. If she hates you and doesn't want to see you there has to be a reason for it, what did you do?

 
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:55 PM   #12
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Re: is it over between me and my wife ?

I wouldn't know what to do either, but think I'd start choosing an attorney, print all this out and take with you in case you get nervous and tongue-tied during the free First Consultation (1/2 hr, and ask first) to get to know the various attorneys. Keep an eye on your watch. Ask how you can tell your children you haven't been and will not be deserting them, that you're ordered out.

Make sure she has to prove she was pregnant and ask what to do about her poisoning the children against you. I certainly feel for you.

If she has to go to a mental hospital she'll say it's because of you, y'know, but tell the lawyers about this pattern and maybe have them get someone to talk to the children. Including that daughter, who probably always believed everything your wife said. You knew challenging her would be dangerous, will have to have the proper people talk to the children, officially. It's always been bewildering, obviously. Who would know what to do besides "walking on eggs" hoping the illness or whatever would blow over.

Thank goodness you have your brother.

Last edited by Administrator; 12-11-2012 at 12:36 AM.

 
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Old 12-11-2012, 03:18 AM   #13
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Re: is it over between me and my wife ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SirBuBBaLoT View Post
7months ago i found her crying in the bathroom, i asked her why she was crying, she said she had lost it and blood clot were seen. but a few days prier to this we had a big argument and i moved her aside so i could leave an give her space but she stumbled onto the bed..

SirBuBBaLoT
Something about this just doesn't sound right to me, if your wife went stumbling off into the furniture you had to be using a fair bit of force when "moving her aside". I think this incident was more dramatic than you are saying, and perhaps you did cause her to miscarry. From what you wrote there is also the issue of you spending countless hours on the computer, sleeping late, tuning out and really not being involved and it sounds as though the incident when she lost the baby was the final straw. People don't have this much resentment without a reason. If you are more interested in whatever it is you do on the computer for all those hours than spending time and connecting with your family, they aren't going to put up with it forever because you may as well not even be there and that's the harsh reality. I'm also wondering if this is why your daughter said you haven't been her father for a long time or why you haven't called or visited her and the new baby, it sounds like you have time to, so that makes no sense to me.

Last edited by captjane; 12-11-2012 at 03:34 AM.

 
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Old 12-11-2012, 07:19 AM   #14
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Re: is it over between me and my wife ?

I read all your posts and yes it sounds like it is over. I am sorry but your story seems to be missing information.
I am confused because just "moving her out of the way" and "stumbling into the bed" shouldnt cause a miscarriage unless it was a hard hit. If you seen 2 positive preganancy tests and she had a "bump" Id assume she was pregnant and loosing the baby was hard on her. I know from personal experience, it doesnt matter how far along you are, if you want the baby it is a great loss. If she had a "bump" Id also assume she was 3 or more months to be showing. Going in another room and giving her "space" is not how you handle loosing a baby. Loosing a baby is hard on a mother. She needed alot of support and wasnt getting it. I am sure she does resent you for that, after all it was your baby too. Does the rest of the family know about her being pregnant? What do they think about this?
I also want to say I dont think she is jealous of her daughter having a baby. However seeing that baby may remind her of her loss. She can be happy for her daughter while still mourning the baby she lost. That is a sensitive situation and no one would understand how she feels unless they have been there. I am sure she is happy for her daughter and to have a new grandchild, but hurting over the baby she could have had. If she was jealous she wouldnt be going to the hospital like she is and showing her daughter support.

Why were you not going to see your grandchild? No matter what is going on with you and your wife, you should want to be there for your daughter. My Dad was there everyday after work to see my daughter (she was premature 8 weeks). He was one of my biggest supporters. I can understand your daughter being upset with you. I would be too.
It doesnt sound like from what you daughter is saying that you have been there for her. If you had a good relationship with her, there is no way your wife could posion her against you. No what happens with my Mom and Dad, I will always love my Dad. She could not turn me against him. That doesnt just happen over night. What she is saying sounds like she has felt that way a long time and you shouldnt be blame that on your wife.
Please think twice about walking away from all of your kids. In no case is it best to leave them alone and if they wanna talk, they can call you. Sounded to me like your 13 yr old son was very upset about you leaving. Atleast try to contact him and let him know you are here if he needs you. No matter what goes on with you and your wife, you are his Dad and you do have rights.
Sounds like letting them have space is always your approach and its not working out for you. Dont loose him like you have the rest of your family.
In you very last post it sounds like you are glad it is over. You said she prevented you from having friends, a job, a car.. Maybe this is for the best, even if it doesnt seem like it right now. I am really not sure what to think at this point.
I do wish you luck.
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