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Old 12-29-2012, 06:10 AM   #1
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Lying

So my boyfriend does a lot for me. He fixes my car, gives me money when I need it, nice boyfriend gestures...etc. We are best friends, we live together, We've been together for a year.
So, he told me he quit smoking. And he lied. He knows I hate liars. And his father is super sick and he didn't bother to tell me. Plus he was drunk the other night and was just kind of mean with words.
Outside of this we have a great relationship.
I don't know how I should feel after finding out this news. Should we break because he lied and it's likely he will do it again? I know he loves me and I'm more important to him that I guess almost anything, he told his mom and gma he wants to marry me and is ring shopping. I just don't know how mad I should be but I definitely have a heavy feeling in my chest.

Any words of wisdom would be appreciated.

Thank you <3

 
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Old 12-29-2012, 06:29 AM   #2
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Re: Lying

I think that only you can decide if this is a deal breaker for you, unfortunately.
Smoking is an addiction for many, and I am betting he didn't want to disappoint you by telling you that he went back to it again. Still, keeping the info from you IS lying.
Not telling you about his father just means he didn't think of mentioning it- obviously that is not a lie.
I am wondering about your listing the three things: the lie, the withholding of info, and especially your feeling that he was mean to you, and drunk. It sounds like you are trying to formulate a list that, once it gets long enough, will give you enough ammunition to end the relationship. My advice to you is, if this is not the man for you, get out now. You have your whole life ahead of you. Just be careful, because NO one is perfect, and people by our very nature, will disappoint. Good luck!

 
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Old 12-29-2012, 06:35 AM   #3
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Re: Lying

Only you can decide if what he has done is a deal breaker for you..The smoking lie I can understand. It is very very hard for anyone to quit smoking!

 
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Old 12-29-2012, 08:53 AM   #4
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Re: Lying

What was his reason for lying? and how do you know that he's looking for an engagement ring?

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It's all a matter of perspective!

 
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Old 12-29-2012, 04:53 PM   #5
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Re: Lying

Communication skills are so crucial to any successful relationship. Agree with the others about the smoking "lie." Perhaps he did quit initially but relapsed so to speak. He's prolly ashamed. Is there a way to broach this gently? Avoiding any subject does not make things magically better of course. Does your BF know you were hurt by his mean words when he was drinking? And re his father's health, your BF might have difficulty discussing this for some reason, fear, denial, who knows. You won't know unless you ask. If you are thinking of getting married, now is a great time to work on building stronger communication skills. It takes courage to ask sometimes & it takes courage to reveal the truth, but you will both be stronger for it. Good luck!

 
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