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Old 12-29-2012, 01:24 PM   #1
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Working out issues with wife. But she still is lying.

Been married for 10 years and have 3 kids. Been having issues in my marriage. My wife lies alot to me. She talks to other men over the internet and phone long distance. After first catching her she promised to stop. Kept catching her over the past year talking to multiple men over the internet & phone. All are from out of state. Things have been alot better these past few months after we agreed to work things out and she said she would end that behavior because she still loves me and does not want to lose me. She claims these men specially this one who is her favorite of them all are just guy friends over the phone and thats it. But her behavior and messages to this one in paticular is very upsetting. Lots of i love you in her messages and even once a naked picture of herself. I suspect she is still talking to this one man. But whenever i even bring it up that i suspect it she gets so upset and talks about how i will not forgive her and i keep throwing it in her face. She even swears she does not talk to this man or any man other than me. I dont go out of my way to catch her doing stuff. She just does it to herself and leaves behind clues or evidence of it going on. SO this morning i found something suspicious. My question i have is do i not say anything unless i have full evidence of her doing something. Because i really dont have evidience just little things that are wrong and may point to something. NOt 100 % but in my mind about 90% accurate. I know if i bring it up she will close up to me and not say a word for the rest of the day claiming i will not move and forgive her and that i am stalking her and being paranoid. Do i just not say anything and move on or do ibe open and tell her my issues that i have. At first i could not keep quiet but latley i am able to get over it alot faster and let it go. Is it best sometimes to let something go? Is ok if i accept she is gonna talk to this man against my wishes behind my back? Or is it not ok and i should not allow this and keep throwing up a fight when i see something wrong? I dont want to push her towards him but at the same tiem i dont want it to be ok in my marriage to talk to other married men. She would not let me do it.

 
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Old 12-29-2012, 05:11 PM   #2
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Re: Working out issues with wife. But she still is lying.

I think your wife is being disrespectful to you and your marriage. I don't believe that it's something that you should just learn to accept, but by the same token, this is your marriage and it's up to you what you consider to be a deal breaker. I am sorry that this is happening to you. You sound like a good guy.

 
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Old 12-29-2012, 05:26 PM   #3
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Re: Working out issues with wife. But she still is lying.

People seem to think that staying together, even if the marriage has become completely unbearable, is better for their kids than splitting up. For some reason, the idea of divorce still has such a negative connotation even though both parents are completely miserable. But consider how much more damaging it is to the kids when you're basically teaching them that staying in a miserable marriage is what you're supposed to do instead of making choices that would make everyone happier in general. Having parents who are divorced but happier away from each other is a far better lesson for kids to learn than for them to see so much anger and frustration every day in the home.

 
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Old 12-31-2012, 08:47 AM   #4
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Re: Working out issues with wife. But she still is lying.

Ok Tony, I'll give you my educated opinion. It is an educated opinion because I went through a similar situation about 10 years ago. Your wife wants excitement and part of that is the sneaking around part. Tell her she can do what she wants and if she meets a man she falls in love with she is free to leave. This makes you look more independent and she will respect you (hopefully). You must let her do what she wants because she will anyway and let her think you can take her or leave her. The more you confront her the more she will lie to you so be cool and all of this should fade way. Like I said, it's just my opinion but this strategy worked for me.......lenvegas

 
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Old 12-31-2012, 09:32 AM   #5
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Re: Working out issues with wife. But she still is lying.

Thanks for the advice . I think i will start to play it cool and try to go that route. Its hard sometimes to keep my mouth shut when i see something. I just need to learn to give her space and hopefully this excitement she seeks will fade away. THings have been so good at home which is what puzzles me. But then i see her go out of her way to call this man. Her latest thing is going to a pay phone and calling him. I feel so ashamed that i cant keep my wifes interest. I am such a fun and loving man. I just dont get it.

 
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Old 12-31-2012, 11:51 AM   #6
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Re: Working out issues with wife. But she still is lying.

Tony I hope that at some point you will realize that you're too good for her and she doesn't deserve you at all. She deserves a cheating lying like herself.

 
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