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LaMaestra2015 01-18-2013 03:39 AM

Dating a man that is hiding a previous relationship
 
Hello,

3 months ago I started dating a man and it has been one of the best relationships (so far) that I've had in years (am 48 yrs and he is 55 yrs). He shared his past relationships and life with me. He told me that he divorced his wife 8 yrs ago and has dated but has not been in a long term relationship with anyone. He lives in another part of town and he usually visits me. But a month ago he was sick so I want to his house. I was at his house before but couldn't remember how to get there so I googled his street and name to get the house number. A females name was attached to his and I knew it wasn't his ex. His name also came up on Legal News (it was a divorced) that was finalized in 2011. He was married for 3.5 years. Should I ask him about it? He is truly wonderful but he keeps saying how he was by himself all these years, I would like to confront him. my friends tell me to wait 'til he brings it up. What should I do?

Helen7144 01-18-2013 04:20 AM

Re: Dating a man that is hiding a previous relationship
 
you're friends are right! you should wait till he recovers he might have a good reason why he's not telling you about his past relationship

lenvegas 01-21-2013 08:05 AM

Re: Dating a man that is hiding a previous relationship
 
hi. I agree with Helen that you should wait to see what happens. It may be that he wants to make you feel more special or on the other hand he may have lied about many things about himself but if you have the patience to wait, the truth always comes out. There is an old saying that I go by.......trust but verify. All the best........lenvegas.

metalzombie 01-21-2013 02:44 PM

Re: Dating a man that is hiding a previous relationship
 
I disagree with the previous posters. If I was certain that he is the person that got a divorce, then I would ask about it. Being open and honest is important as well as being able to discuss any subject. I don't think it matters that he was married, but lying about it is not a good sign for your relationship, in my opinion. He may have reasons for not telling you, but I wouldn't let this sit and fester.

LaMaestra2015 01-21-2013 02:51 PM

Re: Dating a man that is hiding a previous relationship
 
I would like to bring it up, but don't know how. My ex-husband was a pathological liar and I really dislike dishonesty. This guy is very nice and we have a wonderful time together, the interesting thing is that he told me things about his past that are far worse than this. My friends say that I should wait and see, but honestly it is eating me up. This is the first relationship that I was seeing a future and now this, I am very disappointed. I appreciate your response :) I just can't believe that he would keep this from me.

metalzombie 01-21-2013 03:01 PM

Re: Dating a man that is hiding a previous relationship
 
I would just be honest about how you came upon it and then ask, explaining that the fact he was married is no big deal. If it's eating at you, then that can be bad for the relationship, too.

Maybe he was by himself even though he was married.

LaMaestra2015 01-27-2013 08:23 AM

Re: Dating a man that is hiding a previous relationship
 
I asked and he told me that he was hurting for money and he married an illegal immigrant so she could get her permanent residency into the US. He was in need of money to go to court so he could get visitation rights for his sons.

I felt like I was invading his privacy and I told him so, but I have fallen in love with him and am protecting my heart. We talked and everything is fine. I am having liver issues and he is being very helpful.

sadgirl74 01-31-2013 08:37 PM

Re: Dating a man that is hiding a previous relationship
 
i agree with metal zombie, if nothing is there to hide then openly chat about it in a friendly way. if he backs off etc, bad news move on fast. you dont want to be with a Lier at all. bad way to start off a new relationship, people that hide things are best left alone. i meet a few liers also it never went well either. some people are chronic liers and that sucks to be around them at all by the way. sorry. ask him first tell him what you stated in your post and see what he says.


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