It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Reply Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-23-2013, 10:23 AM   #1
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 36
rod24773 HB User
Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devastated again

I put my heart out there 1 1/2 years ago after surviving my wife of 18 years leaving in an affair 4 years ago. My girlfriend of the past 1 1/2 years,whom I love and who said she loved me ,just called it quits at Christmas.I am really really devistated. Thought I had found happiness and love again but I find myself dashed on the rocks of life once again . I cant believe how devisted I am .I survived the ultimate betrayal 4 years ago but just cant seem to shake this . My girlfriend says she can't handle being in a relationship "call it fear, call it what you want". I never saw this coming and dont know if I can go on after this

 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-23-2013, 02:56 PM   #2
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 108
metalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB User
Re: Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devistated again

First, let me say I am sorry for your heartache.

What do you mean by "can't go on"?

It's completely normal to feel very sad, even devastated when you have deep feelings for someone. Give yourself time to heal, just make sure to not dwell on it for long periods. Time is the only thing that heals heartaches. When things first happen, it always feels like it will never get better. Eventually, if you push on, it will get better. It really hasn't been that long since your break up. Get out and about and spend some time with your kids. Maybe do some volunteer work for less fortunate people or animals or some other. Focusing on others can help heal yourself faster.

Look for contentment and happiness within yourself.

 
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to metalzombie For This Useful Post:
rod24773 (01-23-2013)
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-24-2013, 09:50 AM   #3
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 36
rod24773 HB User
Re: Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devistated again

A friend had an interesting perspective on my present troubles .They said that I had been destroyed by my wife having the affair (true enough) .I had just started to get my legs under me after that when along came love unexpectedly. It took me some time to allow this love to get through to my soul as I was scared .Then BLAMMMM!!! This love walks away because they themselves are scared of being hurt again . I am the full time father for the past 4 years of one son ,now 17 yrsd old .My younger son has jsut left for a week with his mother .I try my damndest to think positive and have had many conversations with the big guy upstairs .I have reached out to friends as well .I will get past this but right now I am struggling ."I cant go on" was not as bad as it sounded ,sorry . I am just struggling as I thought I had found happiness with someone again .

 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2013, 06:03 PM   #4
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 108
metalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB User
Re: Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devistated again

That happened to me before, too. It'll get better. Keep your chin up. :-)

 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-24-2013, 09:20 PM   #5
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 6
Labellavita46 HB User
Re: Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devistated again

You can go on! I'm sure you felt the same way after your wife left but you picked yourself up enough to find someone else and it just didn't work. But you won't feel this way forever and it will get better! You'll be happy again I promise. You are never given more than you can handle. Be strong. Find a hobby. Call some buddies. Get up and stop feeling sorry for yourself! It will help! And just think; some of the best days of your life haven't happened yet.

 
Reply With Quote
The following user gives a hug of support to Labellavita46:
KG5634 (02-11-2013)
Old 01-25-2013, 03:54 AM   #6
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 36
rod24773 HB User
Re: Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devistated again

Thanks Labella .I hear what you are saying and am on here trying to do jsts that . Sometimes the pressure of keeping my household going ,taking care of my sons ,work and life are just overwhelming . When I was in the relationship things just seemed easier.I had someone who shared my burden as I did hers. When she suddenly annouced that she was better off alone it seemed the weight of the world just multipied by 1000

 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-25-2013, 07:01 AM   #7
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 36
rod24773 HB User
Re: Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devistated again

Just got blasted by my ex girlfriend .I guess I spilled out my broken heart on FB in the wrong place and all could see .She has had 6 friends contact her about my comments. It seems we were not in the same place in this relationship .Although she said she loved me I guess her definition and mine are far apart . I dont use the words unless I mean them .If ever we were going to end up as friends ....that's dead now .

 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2013, 07:04 AM   #8
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 36
rod24773 HB User
Re: Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devistated again

Well I straightend the Fb thing out .I felt bad for that .My ex girlfriend just contcted me and wants to remain friends but says we need some time to get used to being alone . Back and forth we go . I need to let go but at the same time I dont wish to lose this person with whom I spent and amazing 1 1/2 yrs madly in love . I'm a mess .

 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2013, 07:38 AM   #9
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 108
metalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB User
Re: Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devistated again

You are only hurting yourself hanging on. You do need to be away from each other and minimize contact or you are just rubbing salt in your wound and possibly ruining chances of remaining friends if that is a possibility at some point in the future.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2013, 08:51 AM   #10
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 36
rod24773 HB User
Re: Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devistated again

I dont intend on contacting her at all .I have to admit that I am holding out hope that this will somehow work out however .I am an idiot I guess. I do intend on moving on with my life however .

 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2013, 09:08 AM   #11
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 108
metalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB User
Re: Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devistated again

I don't think you are an idiot.

I was in a "madly in-love" relationship for about 1 year. I actually thought I found my soulmate, if you believe in that kind of thing. He suddenly decided he couldn't be in that relationship -- no warnings, no nothing. I was devastated at first. However, I put him out of my mind by keeping busy with other things and we basically didn't have any contact for months. Eventually, I felt better and he and I are great friends now. The thing is, I just didn't let myself think about him for any length of time. I didn't hope or wish things could work out, I just went with the fact that he didn't want the same thing I did.

I just think the more you dwell on it, the harder it is to move on.

Anyway, good luck. I wish you the best.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-28-2013, 11:00 AM   #12
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 36
rod24773 HB User
Re: Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devistated again

That is the part I am having a ahrd time with .I had thought this was so right .After coming back from the abyss of my wife of 18 years leaving to another man suddenly I was cautious (I thought) . This person seemed like "the one" .Now ,as happened to you, she has taken a right turn out of my life because she isnt in the same place as me in life and isnt ready to let go of the fear . I have to get past the truth that she isnt the right one for me and find a way to believe that there is something or someone much better out there.....It's hard,very hard .

 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2013, 04:04 AM   #13
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 36
rod24773 HB User
Re: Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devistated again

Having a real hard time putting any thoughts of her out of my mind .At every trun there is something that reminds me of her or something we did together . Right now I have to convince my brain or at least act like she never existed and the time we spent together never happened but, that is so hard to do . Trying to keep busy but am so tired lately as I haven't been sleeping well . Depression sucks as does heartache.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2013, 07:00 AM   #14
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,223
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devistated again

Quote:
Originally Posted by rod24773 View Post
Having a real hard time putting any thoughts of her out of my mind .At every trun there is something that reminds me of her or something we did together . Right now I have to convince my brain or at least act like she never existed and the time we spent together never happened but, that is so hard to do . Trying to keep busy but am so tired lately as I haven't been sleeping well . Depression sucks as does heartache.
Rod you probably had the same hard time when your relationship with your wife ended and you got thru that......
you don't have to convince yourself she never existed.....she did exist and she came into your life for a reason. Maybe it was to make it easier for you after the divorce. Maybe it was to make you realize you CAN love again, that divorce wasn't the end of the world. People come and go in our lives and sometimes we don't realize why until much later. When I got divorced I was devastated, but I knew that was the worst it could get. I survived it and after that, no one could ever hurt me as bad as that. Look at it that way. You've survived the worst of it, it's all downhill now!
You will love again, don't worry.....

 
Reply With Quote
Old 01-30-2013, 09:55 AM   #15
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ontario Canada
Posts: 36
rod24773 HB User
Re: Put my heart out there after it was broken before and now I am devistated again

I think I figured out my dramatic crash .I was never over the first hit when my Ex wife left having an affair .2 years after along came love unexpectedly from someone I had a crush on years earlier . It felt wonderful .It was wonderful but slowly problems arose from her side primarily . After some time I was so caught up in feeling wonderful that I disregarded the negative aspects of this relationship .She would mention her fears but more so kept telling me how wonderful I was and how much she loved me .I clung to those thoughts as it felt so good . Boooom ,her fears came flying back at Christmas when heartfelt emotions were expressed and blammm I was gone . She gets rid of the best thing that ever happened to her for fear that I would eventually leave her ?????
I am so devastated because I fell head over heels in love ,more with , the idea that someone could love me again than the actual person.

Last edited by rod24773; 01-30-2013 at 09:57 AM.

 
Reply With Quote
Reply Reply




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (260), rosequartz (245), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (87), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1136), MSJayhawk (941), Apollo123 (855), janewhite1 (823), Titchou (769), Gabriel (743), ladybud (667), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (654), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:13 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!