I recently had an episode that terrified me. I told my husband immediately that I thought something was wrong. I went to the Doctors and he had no desire to go. He said if it's herpes, I better not give it to him. Later he told me that he loved me no matter what and we actually had sex a couple times before the test results came back. He did however insist we use condoms. Which i agreed. I got the results back, I am postive for HerpesII.
Later that week he was sick and decided to go to MedCheck. On the paperwork it listed current medications. Two of which were for Herpes. I confronted him and he said he didn't know what they were for.
Our medical insurance is under my name. I did call and confirm with his doctors office that it was specifically for Herpes outbreaks. He had requested refils through our pharmacy atleast 10 times in the past 2 years. He finally told me that he does in fact have it. He has had it for over 20+ years. He said he was embarrassed to tell me.
I am so upset. My husband has lied to me. Infected me and he was going to make me believe it was my fault for bringing into our marriage. And eventually say that I infected him. WHAT KIND OF PERSON DOES THIS???
I was going to say a scumbag, but I will tone it down and say an insecure scared person.......
but the good news is he had this before, he didn't get it by recently cheating.....how long have you been married?
We have been together for 13 years. Married for 8. The doctor was surprised it took this long for me to get it. I understand people have the STD. That's not the part that i'm so upset about. I can't believe the first thing I do is show/tell him. The first thing he does is blames me.
I have an acquaintance (friend of a friend) who has never told her husband that she has herpes. They have been married about 5 years and they have a 2 yr old son. She made a huge deal out of telling everyone that she was having the baby via c-section because she said she wanted to "preserve the area" and avoid an episiotomy or stretching or whatever. I didn't know she had it until my friend told me and then I just felt bad for her husband who is totally clueless about it.
So my point for telling you is that it's not uncommon for spouses to withhold that kind of info. I think it's a shady thing to do and I'm sorry that your husband lied. I don't have a whole lot of patience for people like him so I guess I don't have anything positive to say. I think I'd probably scream at him for 45 minutes about it but that wouldn't solve the problem. Sorry I don't have any good advice for you this time.
sucks thats what i say. but when and where did he get it at ? call the insurance company and see when they first started to RX the pills for it.
also the fact he was going to lay this all on you ? really? i am not sure i would stay in this relationship girl, sorry. this would be a deal beaker for me. i think he was going to use it to break up with u. he may already have a girl one the side hence having "herpes".
men with stds screw around a lot. i dont really care what other kind comments the other ppl here have for you. you need a reality check here and now. sorry to be the one to give it to u. u deserve a better guy asap. if you divorce now or what ever can u live $$ on your own?
if not start socking his money away asap. 50 here, 100 there, get enough as fast as possible to rent a studio if u have to, enough for a cheap junky car maybe 1200 at least for that and sock something away for the bills, utilities, deposit etc and go. a divorce takes at least 3 months.
start now. you can do your own papers, or find a local womens group for abused women or battered women bc yes this is a form of battery and they will agree with u and they can also help u fill out papers.
when i was recently divorced i had to ask them for help also and they gave it to me and the divorce was easy and fast and painless.
whats next from him for you: gonorrhea,syphilis, aids etc you better get tested for all of those also. thank God u arent pregnant also.
i would go, but get ready to be on your own also. if nothing else a local womans shelter may be a place to stay if need be. hugs and keep all faith in God. he will bring you some one better.
if you do stay find a way to track his every move, i bet u, u find a another girl or maybe three or four.
Last edited by sadgirl74; 01-31-2013 at 06:57 PM.
The Following User Says Thank You to sadgirl74 For This Useful Post: punkybear (02-02-2013)
I had his doctors office verify that he started receiving the meds in 1993. I honestly don't believe that he's had relationships on the side. I have the means to move, I'm leaning towards moving out. I can't even look at him without getting upset. And I actually find myself at peace with the idea of being on my own. The downfall is our family and friends. My number one concern is our son. He is very active in sports. Straight A student. Amazing heart. I am terrified that I will destroy my sons outlook on marriage and life. I am ok with being alone. I would deffinately tell the next person that I would be intimate with knowing that I could be rejected. I also fear people finding out why we've split. I know that it will have such a negative stigmatism for my husband. And even though I hurt I do not want to cause any further pain.
The worst part of it all is that he was accusing you of giving it to him! I believe that's inexcusable really! I'll dare he! The fact he has herpes is really very insignificant if you ask me! Being informed of the virus as I am, I realize that it is extremely common and MANY MANY people have it totally unaware of that fact! So many finger pointers who think they are so ABOVE having it, if they would go and get tested they would find out that they already have been infected. You do not have to even ever have a single symptom of it...just be exposed and you could be a carrier. Seriously, I wish testing was mandatory!
My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.
I have been a blood donor for years... And you know they don't even test for the Herpes virus?!? Crazy if you ask me! It isn't the fact that I have it now. It's not even the fact that he has it. It's the point that he hid it. Never even have me the option. And then he was going to truly manipulate the situation so that his secret would never be found out. I ask again... What kind of person does that?!? That is inexcusable, I agree! It has instantly changed me.
Your husband has been taking anti viral medication to mainly protect you as herpes outbreaks are few and far between and generally last a few weeks. I have had it since 1981 and have had no outbreaks since 1985. By him taking these medications it will reduce his chances of transmitting it to you, however there is still a small chance it will be passed to you.. He may have felt that by taking these medications the risk to you was nill hence the surprise when he leaned you contracted it. I was married for 11 years and never told my wife and I never took meds for it. Your husband did alot more than I did and in my opinion should be commended for taking the medication even though he lied to you about it which should not be condoned. Many people say you have the right to walk out of your marriage and that is your choice and the other is to forgive .
I can agree that maybe he believed in his mind that by taking the meds that he couldn't transmit it but ignorance of the virus is no excuse for falsely accusing her when he knew good and well that he was already infected with the virus! I am sure that many people keep this a secret and that is very wrong but to accuse her of something that he knew was not true is just deplorable!
My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.
He didn't take the meds to keep me from getting it. He took them to keep me from finding out about it. He said he's so relieved that now I know. Which I could understand to have that weight on his shoulders must have been horrible. But I wonder how many times I felt isolated or distant from him because he was actually having an outbreak and didn't want me to "want" to be intimate with him? It's a never ending circle starting with "What if". I think I'm honestly still in shock. What if he would've just told me? What if he would've came clean when I started to show signs? What if he wouldn't have tried to manipulative the situation?
So sorry! I understand being embarrassed, however... his selfishness extended beyond his concern for your health. He has knowingly made decisions about you and your future (whether you are with him or not) and taken your choices away. And when the issue came up, manipulation at its finest. I would sincerely do some soul searching.