Should I Marry Her?
So, I'm in my late thirties and I want to settle down with a permanent partner and start my own family. I have a girlfriend who I have been with for almost two years, and I cannot describe how much I love her. It should be an easy call that I should marry her and get on with it, right?
Well, I'm nervous. She had a disastrous prior marriage. I knew her during it, quite well, and I while I am not sure she is "to blame," I know she could have avoided the disaster. Put simply, she knew she didn't want to go through with it but she did anyway. Speaking for myself, I think that a "marriage" is when two people make an indefinite commitment, when they intend (even though they can't always follow through) to become one family together. That's not what she did. What she did involved a ceremony, a piece of paper, and not much else other than an attempt to not disappoint everyone.
I'm worried. It would be one thing if she found out some new information, if she had gone into it and something changed . . . but that's simply not the case. Isn't this the kind of mistake that people repeat again and again?
To make matters worse, I think she feels that it was "her fault," and she's ashamed. So, I think that I would feel more comfortable if she gave me the impression that she understood what went wrong before, and that she understands what she wants in a "real" marriage. I've dated people with prior marriages before, and they all "carried themselves" as if they had grown, learned, matured. They understood what happened and what they intended going forward. I don't need her to give a speech or write a memoir, but it just feels like she has "blocked it out" and never taken the time to heal, to learn, to move forward.
Should I be worried?
(And yes, some of you will remember me posting before. Things are going way better than before, but now I am nervous about taking this next step.)