Am I being a crap gf or should I leave?
I have been with my partner for a year and a half.
I have yearned for him from afar (we slept together five years ago and again a couple of times after that but lived in different cities so it never got further) and I was always upset when he'd get together with someone else, but I saw other people too. Then when I moved to the same city as him, we got together six months afterwards.
I really love him.
But I can't get over one mishap and/or my own insecurities.
A couple of months into our relationship, I did something I usually wouldn't do, I snooped in his phone. And there were texts from my best friend that suggested they were together on a night I hadn't gone to the pub with him. One said a phrase he had used on me a couple of times post-sex. It is an innocuous phrase, but I know what i meant when he said it to me. I confronted him about it. He said he hadn't slept with her but she had come on to him. I asked her about it and she said she was so drunk that night she has no idea what she did.
So, now I am confronted with a series of horrible thoughts. Did he take advantage of my drunk friend? Did it go down like he says and my friend betrayed me? Did they both betray me?
My friend told me to believe him and apologised for having a drinking problem. So I did. And I have tried to move on.
Months down the track, I am still not over it, even though everyone around me tells me I should be.
I can't look at other women without comparing myself to them and wondering if he'd rather shag them.
I can't imagine ever being with anyone who suits me more, who I find more attractive, who stimulates me and is fun to be with. But I can't get over it.
What I want to know is, is it impossible? Is it over, even if what he says is true? How do you forgive and move on?