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Old 02-06-2013, 12:54 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1
StayAfloat HB User
Fish or Cut Bait?

So here's my story. I need some major advise.

My ex and I dated very seriously for 2 years. We had plans to move in together and talked about our life together. We were dating long distance at the time but were going to overcome that soon. When my grandfather passed away I freaked out and started judging our relationship unjustly. A very short while later we got in a fight that led to a break up. There was very little build up to the breakup and frankly it happened quickly. We had never had bad things between, had always been honest to each other and faithful.

I was in a rough spot but refused to address my feelings for her. She reached out to me twice through email after the breakup. The first one was to explain that she thought this was for the best but urged me to call her if I wanted to. I didn't think about it then, but this was her way of trying to mend things without seeming desperate. I didn't respond to either email because I just wasn't able to deal with my emotions for her and so i just hid from them.

We broke up in July. In September she met and started dating her new boyfriend. Like I said, I avoided facing my emotions for her and thus spent my time thinking as little of her as I could. When I did think of her, I was filled with resentment. When I found out she had a new boyfriend, I was forced to face my heart in regards to how I felt about her. I realized that I never stopped caring for her but let fear and confusion cloud my judgement. Once I settled my feelings I realized I was hurt that she had moved on and that I actually missed her. I spent a long time thinking about whether that was just jealously or true feelings. I know now that they are true feelings for her and I regret not trying to fix things in the summer time.

I sent her a basic email just to check in shortly after I found out about her and the new boyfriend. She responded that she wasn't comfortable talking to me on a regular basis. So I sent her a long email just explaining everything that I had been thinking. Basically saying that i was regretful, enjoyed our time together, but above all was happy that she was able to find someone to make her happy. It was basically a long emotional good bye filled with why I thought things went wrong with us, and filled with good memories just to give her something to remember me by.

She responded with, "I'm sorry you're hurting but I'm confident in my heart. I know one day you'll find peace and someone special too." This upset me because it made me feel as though she missed the entire point of what i said to her, that I was happy for her and wished her continued happiness.

A few days later she "defriended" me on facebook. End of story right? I mean she made her opinion clear and made actions to cut me out of her life?

Well then on Christmas she sent me an email at 11:00pm wishing me well and saying she prayed I had a good day with my family. So then on new years I sent her a text at 12:01am thanking her for the email and wishing her a happy new years. She responded to the text within :30 seconds saying thanks and wishing me a happy new years as well.

I know that all doesn't mean much, but this is where I am getting mixed messaged and getting confused. She defriended me on facebook but still follows the facebook page I manage for my job. Well in the middle of January she "liked" a picture I put up on my work facebook page. Again I know that doesn't mean much. So I thought I'd return the favor. I liked one of her work FB posts. To which she immediately hid from her timeline. I am assuming this was so the new boyfriend didn't see it.

So again, no big deal I get it, and decide to just leave it alone and not do anything more with her FB page because I dont want to cause problems. But then two days later she "liked" another post from my work page, this one older and further down my page (which means she had to have been on my page). I found this very weird.

Well then two days later I put a post up about a new logo and she sent me a message with her thoughts on the new logo and said "I hope you don't mind me sharing my opinion, but I'm excited for you." I responded to that with an innocent thanks for the input and wished her well. Then it happened again a week later, I put a post up and she immediately shared it with her work page. But then deleted for unknown reasons.

My question is this, my ex has me very confused. Is she thinking about me, or is she just trying to be nice? I know that if the relationship she is in is actually a rebound, the only way I stand a chance is if I stay out of the way. I have no way of knowing if it is or isn't. But she is already "In Love" with the new guy which is strange to me since I was only the second guy she ever dated seriously and she's 28. And for her to go from spending the rest of her life with me to "in love" with a new guy over the span on 6 months is hard to fathom. But I know it's possible. I was the rock and cornerstone that helped her through a lot when we were dating and i know she probably wanted to fill that void as soon as possible after we broke up. But is filling that void with another person something that can blossom into a forever relationship or is it doomed because of it starting with flaws?

I have spent these last 8 weeks working on improving myself and finding ways to make myself happy. But when my ex keeps "popping" up in my life I regress. I can't help but think about trying to get back together with her.

What are people's thoughts? Should I just face the facts and move on? I don't ever initiate contact with her because I just want her to be happy, but should I? Is it possible she still has feelings for me? I mean why would she even bother following my work Facebook page at all if she was indifferent to me?

I guess what I'm asking is if I should "go fishing" or just "cut bait".

Thoughts, any thoughts would be appreciated.

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Old 02-07-2013, 09:05 AM   #2
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 108
metalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB Usermetalzombie HB User
Re: Fish or Cut Bait?

Well, we could guess all day what it means. However here is my two-cents, most boyfriends don't appreciate their girlfriend being friends or maintaining contact with ex's, especially if it was a serious relationship (same for the opposite, too). She could just want to be friends, she could still want to see if anything can be rekindled, she could just be keeping you on in case the new boyfriend doesn't work out. My policy is to usually be very direct about relationship things. So, instead of guessing, you could just ask her. Some people do not appreciate directness, though. However, if she has someone in her life, then moving on sounds like a good plan. Both of you probably aren't over each other. It was only two months when she got a new boyfriend.

Old 02-20-2013, 10:45 PM   #3
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Location: Chester, VA
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Re: Fish or Cut Bait?

Yeah I'd probably send her a fb private message ask her what's up that she's sending you mixed emotions. Based on her answer I'd either say ok then what are we gonna do about it or block her to keep her out of your mind so you can eventually move on. Right now she's messing with your head probably not realizing it so you're gonna either have to have all or nothing. Good luck let us know cathy

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