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Old 02-06-2013, 02:17 PM   #1
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Talking How long should a girl wait for a ring?

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years but have known each other most all of our life's. I'm 33 and I want a wedding and kids, have for a long time. I told him this right away and he said he did to, just hasent found the right person. He's almost 40. Now for the last 6 months when we talk about it he says I'm the one and he wants to marry me, it will all happen soon, but in always a quick response so we won't have to talk about it anymore. I'll admit I'm getting a little impatient. Is it true "ifs it's meant to be it will be" and if I walk away will it all work out if it is meant to. I love this man and we have been trough a lot, but I don't want to wait to settle down. I also don't want to pressure him any longer. In need of some real life wise advice. I feel lost and am very scared to move on but at the same time have hope to hang on. What is my smartest move?

 
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Old 02-06-2013, 03:56 PM   #2
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Re: How long should a girl wait for a ring?

That's a very subjective question. I've been with my guy 12 years and we're not married but I still feel very much "settled down". If marriage is a must-have for you, then you need to sit down and have a talk with your guy. If he really wants marriage too, then maybe he's just happy with how things are going and hasn't wanted to rock the boat. Or maybe he is afraid to take the next step but would if you nudged him. Or maybe he really doesn't want to get married yet. If he's been married before, he may be reluctant to do it again. If he's never been married before, then it could be a scary move for him. It's time for a talk, I'd say.

 
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Old 02-07-2013, 05:25 AM   #3
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Re: How long should a girl wait for a ring?

We have had the talk and now when I try to talk about it, it's always "soon". And he wants to make more money, excuses.

 
Old 02-07-2013, 09:48 AM   #4
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Re: How long should a girl wait for a ring?

Honestly, from what little you've stated, it doesn't really sound to me like you are on the same page on the marriage/children thing or at least on the timing. Do you live together? If not, that could possibly be your first step instead of going for the marriage/children thing right away. He might find that more appealing at first, especially if he is fearful of marriage.

 
Old 02-07-2013, 11:32 PM   #5
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Re: How long should a girl wait for a ring?

I don't believe in living together before marriage, he wanted me to move in with him but I won't until we're married

 
Old 02-08-2013, 08:09 AM   #6
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Re: How long should a girl wait for a ring?

I don't think you two are on the same page at all then, especially since you are contemplating moving on. You will either have to wait until he is on the same page or just move on. What is your relationship with him worth?

No matter what you do, you have risk. If you decide to move on, there is no guarantee you will meet someone that wants the same things you do, or you may and find that you are not compatible even if you meet someone that wants to marry and have a family. If you wait, there is no guarantee he will get to the same point you are. Either way, you will be waiting on something or someone.

Since he did want to move in together, I think it is very likely he will get to the same point you are, but it will take him longer. Personally, I wouldn't throw away a good relationship because of impatience.

 
Old 02-08-2013, 10:00 AM   #7
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Re: How long should a girl wait for a ring?

To expect a ring after less than two years of dating and not even having lived together yet is like what my grandparents did back in the 1920s. Marriage isn't what it used to be anymore. What used to be considered a "non-traditional" relationship has now become totally mainstream. That includes people living together long term and having kids together without being married, same sex couples with children and interracial couples just for a few examples. You may think its your boyfriend that needs to get with the program but it appears as though you're the one who is clinging to outdated notions of relationships that are perhaps not as easy to live with as the new more modern relationship. Marriage is a very serious and legally binding thing that involves a ton of sacrifices. Maybe he just doesn't want to put himself in that kind of situation. I don't know the guy so I can't say what he is thinking.

This is just my opinion but you don't need a ring or a marriage to prove anything. If you guys love each other and want to be together then be together. There isn't anything stopping you from that. And I agree that I would not throw away a relationship with someone I loved and got along really well with just because of no proposal. That would be throwing away something precious and rare that not everyone gets to have in their life. You need to consider the alternative of what would happen if you ditched him and ended up alone. Then what?

 
Old 02-08-2013, 10:04 AM   #8
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Re: How long should a girl wait for a ring?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
To expect a ring after less than two years of dating and not even having lived together yet is like what my grandparents did back in the 1920s. Marriage isn't what it used to be anymore. What used to be considered a "non-traditional" relationship has now become totally mainstream. That includes people living together long term and having kids together without being married, same sex couples with children and interracial couples just for a few examples. You may think its your boyfriend that needs to get with the program but it appears as though you're the one who is clinging to outdated notions of relationships that are perhaps not as easy to live with as the new more modern relationship. Marriage is a very serious and legally binding thing that involves a ton of sacrifices. Maybe he just doesn't want to put himself in that kind of situation. I don't know the guy so I can't say what he is thinking.

This is just my opinion but you don't need a ring or a marriage to prove anything. If you guys love each other and want to be together then be together. There isn't anything stopping you from that. And I agree that I would not throw away a relationship with someone I loved and got along really well with just because of no proposal. That would be throwing away something precious and rare that not everyone gets to have in their life. You need to consider the alternative of what would happen if you ditched him and ended up alone. Then what?
I agree with you. You don't have to have a ring and a ceremony to have commitment between two loving people.

 
Old 02-08-2013, 05:49 PM   #9
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Re: How long should a girl wait for a ring?

It sounds like you have different values. In my opinion, 2 years is long enough for a man to know if he wants to marry the woman he's with. If he's avoiding the topic now, then probably you only have 2 choices. Continue as you are and hope he decides to formalize things with marriage, or move on. Another person mentioned that your values are old fashioned, and they are. I don't think that's a bad thing, nor would I suggest you compromise them. If you don't want to move in with someone until you're married, then don't. But just understand that every choice has consequences. You could choose to go on as you are, and he may never propose. You could choose to move in with him, as he asked, and he still may never propose. You could choose to break up with him, and find someone else, and you might have the same problem. Or you might find a guy who has very similar values to your own and be married a year from now. But whatever you choose, do it for you, and not to try and force this guy into marrying you.

 
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