I understand where you are coming from on all points. Sadly, I am the blacksheep of my family and I can completely relate to being seen as "lesser" by family members. Their loss, though. I have a full life with wonderful kids and grandkids even though I limit the time I am around my parents and siblings.
It is very good to have an outlet here. No matter how trivial an issue may seem, it's very important to someone. I don't think what you are going through is trivial.
The following user gives a hug of support to metalzombie: Liarose006 (02-28-2013)
I need to let this out because I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. Next Friday is my brother's 50 birthday. I am driving to their hometown and flying my sons in to be with my brother (their uncle) for his birthday. There were no plans made so I planned a day out with my brother and mom on his birthday along with my sons. I made mention of this to my mom and asked about my sister. My mom said they had not planned to do anything. So today I get a text from my sister that she planned a celebration for my brother next Sunday. I thank her for the invitation and explained that we will no longer be there on Sunday. My sister states well I don't know your schedule...this is the kicker...my mom told her that I would be leaving before Sunday. So I, in turn, invite my sister and her family to join us on Friday. She states that they already have plans to do something at the house for his birthday. I mention the letter I had sent and how she ignored that it was even sent. She denies ignoring it, although it's been over 30 days since she received the letter. So the text messages go back and forth with me trying to explain how I felt and with her contradicting her own words. Here is the Twilight Zone part...she says that things are being said that did not happen. What??? She says that she is trying to make peace and resolve the matter. She says she wants the best for the family and wants to move forward. How can I move forward without my sister acknowledging my feelings. So I tell her that she is not seeking peace by denying responsibility. And I hope when she lets her guard down she can re-read my letter and text messages and understand what she has done to me. She even denied that my son cried that day. My head is spinning because how much more can I explain and still the response is denial on her part. A simple "I didn't mean to hurt you or your son" would have gone a long way. Now denying that those things happened just adds insult to injury. I have a gift for remembering what people say and the express on their faces as they say them. So when someone tells me that things didn't happen I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.
If you can, I encourage you to take the experience just as it was, knowing you did everything you could think of to be a generous guest, a caring sister, and a loving mother.
That is all you need to focus on. We can not allow ourselves to be damaged by another poor behavior. Of course, with family it can be heartbreaking. I encourage you to continue of focusing on your family that is interested in keeping close and sharing time together. If you do need to be together, just remember where you cannot tread. If she chooses to approach you about it, fine. But otherwise I would take her non response as her response. You have stated your feelings and forget the rest of it.
Your son will also have to find his own way of choosing time with his aunt, if at all. I would not force him to do anything he does not want to. I would not encourage you to prolong this hurtful experience any longer, or involve others. In a family, we all have our faults and everyone learns to accept us or not. I imagine in time this issue will be resolved, but for now I would let the fire die down and the embers to go cold. That will leave you with lots of room in your soul to create something positive for you.
I have also been a single parent of two sons, now both one their own, It is the perfect time for you to concentrate on yourself, on your interests, your needs and your kind of fun. Hold your head high and keep being that grateful, generous person you are.
Thank you for your kind words growagourd. I have been trying to get past this but my sister's text messages today after 30 days of non-response brought it back to the forefront.
I am happy to say that both of my sons are not involved and have no idea that there is a problem between my sister and I. I do not want to ruin any relationship that they choose to have with their aunt and uncle. I only wish my sister had done the same with my nieces and nephews. I can just image the cruel things they are saying about me and my nieces and nephews hearing such things about me makes me sad.
I will follow your advice about finding the positive in my life and begin to enjoy my life. Being in a new town without any friends I appreciate you and everyone on this board that gives me the push to focus on my life.
I am very sorry for your l\pain. I also had to loose my sister following the death of both my parents, which was awful and I understand how that hurts. She just bailed out before the funeral even happened, we have never spoken or seen each other again. I understand what it is like for things to just go too far for any reconciliation.
I have a feeling that you will be able to mend this fence one day, given the proper amount of time. I hope that for you both one day. It is definitely her place to make the next move, whatever she decides it to be. I hope she can find the words that will begin the healing you need. It is her issue to resolve this, and yours to accept of deny her efforts. If she cannot ever respond appropriately to you, that is on her. I would not worry about your nieces and nephews, for they know the truth long term.
I hope you find your life in the new town to be full of friends and new experiences.
Last edited by growagourd; 03-06-2013 at 10:46 PM.
The following user gives a hug of support to growagourd: Liarose006 (03-06-2013)
The Following User Says Thank You to growagourd For This Useful Post: Liarose006 (03-06-2013)