Me and my girlfriend of 3 and a half years broke up in July because she had to move to a different city (Her mum married again and decided to move). I'm 23 she is 21
She came back in November, sent me a letter saying she made a massive mistake, want's us to have kids and do all kinds of wonderful things together ect..
We started visiting each other again and although I was still angry with her I took her back and forgave her. Never been so stressed in my life. Spent Christmas together, kept telling me that she loved me..
While it was going all good we did have a rough patch at the beginning of the year. We went to an aquarium to spend the day and it felt a bit awkward (It was full of kids lol) but I could tell she wasn't comfortable and that made me anxious because I wanted her to enjoy the day.. so I acted kind of weird... like I dunno.. not myself. I think she ended up picking up on it and then after she had went back to her new city, she called me and said I don't think I want to be with you. We've rushed the relationship.
It hurt and all the anger and sadness that I was trying to suppress came back. I like to think that I am a nice person though, so I have never said anything rude or offending to her. I just try my best to hold it all in.
She said she doesn't want anybody, doesn't want a boyfriend anymore and just wants to be alone for a while. I understood and accepted, even though inside I was crushed and couldn't believe that I was going to have to through all this anguish and pain all over again. Sleepless nights, obsessive thinking, permanently unfocused...
So... I haven't been contacting her, she has been contacting me via ********. This is where I am getting confused and a sense of hope, when I know I shouldn't!--- She tells me that she had a dream about me, was about me saving her and then giving her gifts and then she said that she misses me. When she told me that I was happy (I coincidentally had a dream about her... was more intimate though..)
Then on Valentines day she says to me: " I know I shouldn't say it because you hate Vday but I Love you, Happy Vday"
I took my time to respond because it really effects me emotionally... in the end I just sent a smiley face.
THEN... about a week ago she calls my phone three times in about 20 minutes. I ignored all of them... then she facebooked me asking if I was busy... again took my time to reply and and said "Not anymore, whats up?" and she replied with " oh nevermind I've sorted it now
At times I feel like she is only keeping me around so she doesn't hurt me by completely cutting me off or when she needs something.
Also she has been liking occasional things that I have posted... but it sends me crazy. She likes bars that she has visited, which makes me think of the worst things and posts pictures with her new friends and where she has been... I can't stand it.
I occasionally block her on chat so that she is off my mind a bit.
But yeah.. I'm confused. Some days I want to delete her because it feels like emotional torment. I have not contacted her once. She has always contacted me. I find myself getting upset when I see that she has done something.. I know I need to try and move on but my God... anything to make it a little easier?! I am starting to struggle.. been about 6 weeks since we broke up / dumped me for the 2nd time.