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Old 02-24-2013, 10:15 AM   #1
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Tough Situation

Me and my girlfriend of 3 and a half years broke up in July because she had to move to a different city (Her mum married again and decided to move). I'm 23 she is 21

She came back in November, sent me a letter saying she made a massive mistake, want's us to have kids and do all kinds of wonderful things together ect..
We started visiting each other again and although I was still angry with her I took her back and forgave her. Never been so stressed in my life. Spent Christmas together, kept telling me that she loved me..

While it was going all good we did have a rough patch at the beginning of the year. We went to an aquarium to spend the day and it felt a bit awkward (It was full of kids lol) but I could tell she wasn't comfortable and that made me anxious because I wanted her to enjoy the day.. so I acted kind of weird... like I dunno.. not myself. I think she ended up picking up on it and then after she had went back to her new city, she called me and said I don't think I want to be with you. We've rushed the relationship.


It hurt and all the anger and sadness that I was trying to suppress came back. I like to think that I am a nice person though, so I have never said anything rude or offending to her. I just try my best to hold it all in.


She said she doesn't want anybody, doesn't want a boyfriend anymore and just wants to be alone for a while. I understood and accepted, even though inside I was crushed and couldn't believe that I was going to have to through all this anguish and pain all over again. Sleepless nights, obsessive thinking, permanently unfocused...


So... I haven't been contacting her, she has been contacting me via Facebook. This is where I am getting confused and a sense of hope, when I know I shouldn't!--- She tells me that she had a dream about me, was about me saving her and then giving her gifts and then she said that she misses me. When she told me that I was happy (I coincidentally had a dream about her... was more intimate though..)

Then on Valentines day she says to me: " I know I shouldn't say it because you hate Vday but I Love you, Happy Vday"

I took my time to respond because it really effects me emotionally... in the end I just sent a smiley face.


THEN... about a week ago she calls my phone three times in about 20 minutes. I ignored all of them... then she facebooked me asking if I was busy... again took my time to reply and and said "Not anymore, whats up?" and she replied with " oh nevermind I've sorted it now "..

At times I feel like she is only keeping me around so she doesn't hurt me by completely cutting me off or when she needs something.

Also she has been liking occasional things that I have posted... but it sends me crazy. She likes bars that she has visited, which makes me think of the worst things and posts pictures with her new friends and where she has been... I can't stand it.

I occasionally block her on chat so that she is off my mind a bit.

But yeah.. I'm confused. Some days I want to delete her because it feels like emotional torment. I have not contacted her once. She has always contacted me. I find myself getting upset when I see that she has done something.. I know I need to try and move on but my God... anything to make it a little easier?! I am starting to struggle.. been about 6 weeks since we broke up / dumped me for the 2nd time.

Last edited by Moose2; 02-24-2013 at 10:22 AM.

 
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:34 AM   #2
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Re: Tough Situation

Someone else has posted something similar on here and I will tell you the same thing I told them. It will be easier for you to move on if you cut off contact with her for a while so that you can heal. Tell her you need to be alone and to leave you alone. You will contact her when you are ready to be friends. If you don't want to remove her from your facebook friends, at least add her to a group where you won't see what she posts and then don't go out of your way to look at her page. If you can't help yourself, then remove her from your friends list.

Some time away from the constant reminder of pain will help you.

And, you shouldn't hold things in. It isn't healthy emotionally or physically.

 
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Old 02-25-2013, 07:24 AM   #3
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Re: Tough Situation

Hi, I agree with metalzombie, cut her off completely because there is something not right with her head. She is not happy with you or without you. First she feels smothered and rejects you and then she feels abandoned and chases you. This cycle keeps repeating itself and is playing with your emotions as it would with anybody in your situation. This is evident when she talked about having children together and then turning cold by saying she wants to be alone. You do not need these head games in your life and as young as you are you should be out there meeting other girls and having a good time......

 
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Old 02-25-2013, 01:34 PM   #4
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Re: Tough Situation

Thanks for the replies. I have been contemplating on weather or not to delete/block her for a while. I need to have some will power even though it will hurt.

I would like her to come back but I know that this is going to take a lot of time.

Urgh.. need to concentrate on myself. This is gonna be hard.

She text me again, literally an hour after I had posted this. Another 'I miss you' text.

Makes me sad.

Last edited by Moose2; 02-25-2013 at 01:39 PM.

 
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Old 02-25-2013, 10:00 PM   #5
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Re: Tough Situation

I know that every situation is different and every relationship works differently, but if at any time during a relationship my partner decides to tell me they don't want to be with me, that's a good indicator that I should start facing the music, because at that point they've basically expressed that I'm not good enough for them to keep trying, and I have trust issues as it is. I had an ex who did this same kind of thing and it drove me insane, it was really the worse kind of torture. She's basically pulling all of the strings with you, but as soon as you try to move things forward she's just going to pull back. Ignore her, at least for a while, I would say a few months, give her some time to adjust to life without you because only then will she have time to figure out what she really wants.
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Old 02-26-2013, 07:00 AM   #6
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Re: Tough Situation

You keep allowing her back into your life whenever you reply to her messages. As if someday you think it will somehow be better and things will go back to the way they were. But as the old saying goes, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That could apply to your whole relationship really because you broke up and got back together and broke up again how many times? At some point you have to accept the fact that she is not right for
you, you are not right for her, and her being in your face all the time is making it way too hard to move on. Therefore the only logical thing to do is cut her off 100% and don't have any contact with her anymore. Not even a text. Change your number, block her on email and Facebook and don't go looking for her anymore.

Either you're serious about wanting to move past this or you're not. If not, then keep doing what you're doing and torture yourself every day. If you are serious about it then cut her off right now before you read the end of this sentence. There's nothing more you can do.

 
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Old 02-26-2013, 02:36 PM   #7
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Re: Tough Situation

It got a little bit more complicated.. my mother has gone into hospital for knee replacement surgery. So I haven't been able to block her yet since she is asking how my mum is. Awkward timing.

One more week... such a tough decision to make. I get the feeling she is gonna be mad at me and it will push her away completely... but she said weeks ago that she didn't wanna be with me.

I know I'm repeating myself, I just have to put it down to make sure it get's through this thick skull of mine.

 
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Old 02-26-2013, 03:51 PM   #8
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Re: Tough Situation

I think you miss the point. Just because she calls/emails/texts/sends a carrier pigeon to talk to you and ask you questions doesn't mean that you need to answer. I don't understand why you keep replying to her every time she contacts you. There comes a point where if you don't reply she will also get the message but I think in this case you need to tell her flat out that she needs to stop contacting you. Tell her you do not want to hear from her again. End this nonsense with her once and for all, you're only making it harder on yourself by dragging it out.

 
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Old 02-27-2013, 05:46 AM   #9
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Re: Tough Situation

Yeah she has just questioned me. "Are you just not gonna talk to me, or don't you want to anymore, How is your mum?"

I just said I have been busy working on the garden and that I am actually about to go and see my mum at the hospital, so I'll talk to you later..

I'm going to tell her tonight that I can't keep talking to her because it makes me sad and my confidence is at rock bottem at the moment.

Need to be happy by myself before we ever start talking again.

 
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Old 02-28-2013, 04:49 AM   #10
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Re: Tough Situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moose2 View Post
.....

Need to be happy by myself before we ever start talking again.
Good!

 
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