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Old 03-24-2013, 04:29 AM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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katenicsmom HB User
lonely & confused

My husband told me the first of February that he had "feelings" for someone at work. I begged and pleaded for him not to leave (not my best moment) since then he has become more and more distant. He says they haven't crossed the line, and she has no intention on leaving her husband. But I am so lonely...he treats me like a roommate (with benifits). He says I need to get my own life. I have always been a stay at home mom and housewife. I have signed up for classes, and I agree that I need to get out and make friends...but I want him to be a part of my life. He still talks to her constantly while he is working, and the messages barely ever stop when he is home. He says he will not give up their friendship, I am at a loss with what I should do...he has been my world for so long, and I don't know what I would do without him.

 
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Old 03-24-2013, 05:43 PM   #2
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Join Date: Nov 2012
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dv8er HB User
Re: lonely & confused

Quote:
Originally Posted by katenicsmom View Post
My husband told me the first of February that he had "feelings" for someone at work. I begged and pleaded for him not to leave (not my best moment) since then he has become more and more distant. He says they haven't crossed the line, and she has no intention on leaving her husband. But I am so lonely...he treats me like a roommate (with benifits). He says I need to get my own life. I have always been a stay at home mom and housewife. I have signed up for classes, and I agree that I need to get out and make friends...but I want him to be a part of my life. He still talks to her constantly while he is working, and the messages barely ever stop when he is home. He says he will not give up their friendship, I am at a loss with what I should do...he has been my world for so long, and I don't know what I would do without him.
hello!

my heart goes out to you, it sounds like you're going through a really difficult time. on the outside looking in, it's easy for people to say, "join a club, get a divorce, get up and leave," when in reality, it's not that simple. period.

just reading your post told me a number of things about you. first and foremost, you are a strong woman! don't let anyone tell you otherwise. you've demonstrated significant insight in finding adaptive ways of coping with this infringement in your marriage. you're being proactive - you signed up for classes, you're looking for support online/here, and possibly in other places. i have the feeling you're a resilient person, and it's a shame your husband can't see that right now.

unfortunately, we (as women) have a tendency to blame ourselves and/or attribute relationship/marital issues to something we did or didn't do. sometimes we play things over and over in our head, wondering if this or that would have happened had we done things differently. if only i cooked his favorite meal, if only i had picked up his dry cleaning, if, if, if. truth is, we'll never know, but we do know how we are being treated now and that's all you need to go on. trying to save your marriage is a decision you'll have to make. the 'right' decision may not always be the popular one. be an example for your children, but don't forget about what makes you happy!!

all the best!

 
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