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Old 04-21-2013, 10:03 PM   #1
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Need help! Relationship issue

Hi everyone. First time posting on this forum. I am in a very stressful time in my life right now. I've been dating a girl for about a year now. The first half was amazing. Now I am realizing I do not want to be with her anymore. She is mentally abusive, nasty, needy and very immature. Little by little her true colors started coming out and she is driving me insane. She is not the person she is when I first met her. I moved out by her from another city and I feel alone and trapped. We have a vacation planned in a week from now and I feel bad making her lose her money. Should I go and try to make it peaceful or just end it now and risk her losing all of her money? I am a very nice/easy going and patient person, and I learned a lot about myself from this miserable experience. I went from a happy go lucky person to a constantly miserable and negative person. I think she preys on my weakness of being the "nice guy" giving her multiple chances and manipulates me. Why am I so weak? She threratens me and manipulates me into staying everytime we break up I say I am going to be strong.

I just never met someone so relentless. I've ended other relationships without a problem but this is just something that is extremely difficult. Maybe I need to man up

 
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Old 04-21-2013, 11:07 PM   #2
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Re: Need help! Relationship issue

I have guy friends that have been in similar situations and I recommend get away from her abusive behavior asap. The longer you stay, the more you will lose who you are and the harder it will be to leave. As far as the vacation. Why would you want to go on a vacation which should be a fun time with someone that will make it miserable for you? Did she pay for the vacation? If so, maybe she can take one of her friends with her in your place. Being the nice guy that you are...you are again putting her feelings before yours. Also, if you go with her then it will give her the feeling that you want to be with her and if you break up after the vacation she will feel you used her for the vacation. Stay strong once you leave her!

 
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Old 04-22-2013, 01:51 AM   #3
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Re: Need help! Relationship issue

Run like heck!! Count yourself lucky that you didn't have children or marriage to complicate things. She is an emotional vampire, it doesn't matter to her whether you feel good or bad. If you feel bad about the cost of the holiday, can you pay out your half? Sometimes it worth a financial cost to get out of a relationship like this. Expect much nastiness. Good luck, Sera

 
Old 04-22-2013, 05:46 AM   #4
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Re: Need help! Relationship issue

If I was in your shoes, I would just pay her my half and tell her Thanks for the memories and then get the heck out of that relationship. No matter how much your half costs, you will have accomplished 2 things: 1). You will have paid her back your half so she can't come back to you -ever- saying that it cost her $$$, 2) When you do this and tell her you're done with the relationship, you never have to deal with her again because you will have paid for that trip and she can't come back at you over it.

No matter what the cost, it's totally 100% worth it for you to get away from her as soon as possible. You're very unhappy and life is too short to stay in a relationship like this. In the end, if you stay with her or if you keep going back to her after breaking up, the only person you will have hurt ultimately is yourself. Why would you want to keep hurting yourself? You're the only person in this world who will ever have all of your best interests in mind in all situations. It's time for you to start putting yourself ahead of everyone else so you can start living a much happier life!

 
Old 04-22-2013, 06:09 AM   #5
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Re: Need help! Relationship issue

Wow guys thanks a lot for the great advice. I know in my heart I shouldn't go. I just hate drama and I feel knowing her personality its easier to just go and in a week or so end it. She paid for the vacation. I told her previously I couldn't afford a trip, but she went out of her way to book one because she cannot take no for an answer. The thing is I am not certain if she even paid for it. She is extremely spoiled and lives with some extended family members (Thats another whole story within itself i wont get into now). So i feel more guilt knowing someone else may have paid for this and I really do love her aunt/uncle.

I have actually tried breaking up with her a few months back but dediced to give it one more shot and learned she wont be the person she pretended to be in the beginning. When I did sit her down she exploded violently and wouldnt leave my apartment and threatened me in various ways. I dont know how to do this.

 
Old 04-22-2013, 09:11 PM   #6
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Re: Need help! Relationship issue

I get the feeling that you want to go on this vacation. Do you think you will have a good time with her? I agree with the others here that you should just pay her for your half whether she paid for it or not, unless she can take someone else. If you sat her down and she got violent and threatening...all the more reason to run!! The only way to rid yourself of someone like her is to end it and DO NOT entertain ANY contact with her. As long as you keep in touch with her, she will continue to think she can get you back. If she realizes that you are done and over her, she will move on to her next victim. This type of woman will make your life hell...is this how you want to live your life? When is the vacation scheduled for? And one more thought...move back where you came from.

Last edited by Liarose006; 04-22-2013 at 09:13 PM.

 
Old 04-23-2013, 01:05 AM   #7
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Re: Need help! Relationship issue

Leave now, I would advise against going on holiday with her.

Does she have a key to your apartment? If so change the locks now then meet her in a public area to break up with her. She may be less likely to react violently in front of other people, there'll be witnesses if you need them and you'll be able to walk away from her much easier than if you were stuck in your apartment with her.

 
Old 04-23-2013, 03:11 AM   #8
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Re: Need help! Relationship issue

Get out of the relationship because its going to get worse as time goes on.She must go seek professional help and maybe when she gets better as time goes by you can try again but stay away from her for now.As for the vacation do not go things might get worse there,she might loose her temper there also and who knows what will happen,on the other hand the vacation might be a good thing because maybe then she will come out and tell you why she's treating you like that but you got to ask her why she is like and you got to sit down as a couple because only than she will be able to open up to you.

 
Old 04-23-2013, 11:28 AM   #9
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Re: Need help! Relationship issue

I agree with Ely4. My friend broke up with his nasty gf while at her home. He left to his home and the police went and arrested him for hitting her. He never hit her and she told him that she would drop the charges if he went back with her. Well, under law, the DA is the only one that can drop these sort of charges. So he had to go to court, and get back with her so that she would not testify against him. He is still trying to figure out how to get out of this mess of a relationship without becoming violent and dangerous. Get away as fast as you can and do not look back.

 
Old 04-24-2013, 10:37 AM   #10
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Re: Need help! Relationship issue

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liarose25 View Post
I...you are again putting her feelings before yours.
It's truly a bloody shame when one's selfless love for another becomes a tool for a "user". I always thought true love is when both parties are putting their feelings ahead of their own; that way both win, right? Shame Shame!

As far as breaking up with her, please do it either with a friend (i.e. witness) and/or in a public place. Maybe she'll think twice about threatening you. Just be persistent and firm and get the job done, then skedaddle. Good Luck!

 
Old 04-26-2013, 01:43 PM   #11
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Re: Need help! Relationship issue

Hey guys I finally did it. She was relentless and doesn't understand what she was doing to me. I explained exactly how I felt hurt, abused and very unhappy. Those were not good enough reasons for her so she's been tormenting me calling me for an explanation (which is bizzare because I told her as clear as possible I am NOT HAPPY in the relationship)

The thing is a family member of hers was at the home when this happened. She accused me of having someone else as the only possible explanation for me wanting to end this! How preposterous and brazen to say something like that let alone involve and ask me so many questions! How dare someone accuse me of cheating let alone interfere in a relationship. I have now received emails and calls from this family member requesting I talk it out with all of them!! Doesn't seem kosher to me.

I feel like they are trying to make me second guess my decision and feel guilty like I am making a mistake. It was hard for me to do because I hate to see someone cry/upset but its what needed to be done.

I told them that they dont see what goes on behind closed doors and how sad and upset I am in the relationship but they make me to be the bad guy because I hurt her by doing this ..

Advice from here on out?

 
Old 04-26-2013, 01:45 PM   #12
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Re: Need help! Relationship issue

Let me also clarify I had a very good relationship with her family members so maybe this came as a total shock to them but I still believe regardless of my reason they should all respect me and leave me be. I mean these are grown adults calling and emailing me for reasons and answers.

Its tough because I feel like she does really love me but at the same time I dont get how she could never work on things that hurt me and seems so selfish.

 
Old 04-26-2013, 02:04 PM   #13
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Re: Need help! Relationship issue

Stay strong. It was absolutely the right thing to do. And you don't need to respond to any of her family's communications because its none of their business.

It's going to take some time to recover from this now so take your time and do your own thing for a while and then when you're ready you can start dating again.

 
Old 04-26-2013, 02:18 PM   #14
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Re: Need help! Relationship issue

Whatever you do...you don't need to explain anything to them. The relationship was with her, although you had a relationship with them through her, that needs to be cut also. She is more than likely using them to try to get to you and to keep you attached to her. Explain to them once and only once - that the relationship is over, that you do not see a future with her and rather than drag this on for the sake of both of you, it is over. After that ignore them, their emails, their phone calls and anything else, eventually they will get the message. People with her personality can not accept the fact that you do not want to be around that so they come up with the excuse that you are having an affair. Do not pay any mind to that, keep moving on with your life and if you find someone soon be happy with them and don't look back at this old relationship that went wrong. Remember the more you give her and her family any attention the harder it will be to severe the ties. You may feel that you are being cold and heartless but under these circumstances, this is the only way to escape the hold they have on you. Keep posting here if you have any moments of weakness before you act on it...we will make sure you don't give them an ounce of attention!

 
Old 04-26-2013, 06:55 PM   #15
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Re: Need help! Relationship issue

Wow, what a messed up situation. It seems to me that if it only took 6 months for her true nature to show itself, one would think her family would know this is what she is really like because they have been around her for years. Wouldn't it be difficult to hide that behaviour from them on a day to day basis? It shouldn't be a surprise to them that you want to get away from her. You do not owe these people anything and it truly is none of their business.

 
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