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Old 05-03-2013, 07:55 AM   #1
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Broke up with her. not sure about it. help.

Hi there. I'm struggling with something that id really love some feedback on.

I just broke up with my girlfriend on Wednesday night. We have been dating a month and a half. We met online and we are long distance, about 2 hours or so away from each other.

Her background is that she had a very unideal childhood. She is older than me (33) but hasn't been in a serious relationship in a very long time. She's done a lot of casual noncommittal dating and usually dates people with drama. On the other hand, I am more of the relationship type and I am lacking the drama. Pretty much the opposite of her normal type.

We've spent 3 out of the last four weekends together, with me coming to her. But there has been a lot of troubles in our relationship. They stem from me not being able to fully communicate because it takes me a while to open up to people. And also from her inability to express her feelings about me.

The last weekend we spent together for example, I decided to go back home Monday morning and she was upset with me because I didn't discuss the option of staying with her on Monday, even though I work full time. She also got mad at me In the same weekend because she is leaving on a big trip next week and she expected me to come visit her this weekend, bc she can't come to me. But I feel like I need to spend time at home and don't want to spend another weekend away.

Maybe I'm just not ready for a long distance relationship or maybe she's just too pushy. We quickly labeled ourselves as girlfriends (after a few weeks of dating), which was her idea. I think the label put a mental speed up on things which wasn't good for me.

Basically my dilemma is, after I broke up with her she completely opened up about how she feels about me and told me she's falling for me and all of these amazing things she thinks about me. I really felt myself falling for her as well. I just didn't think all of the drama we had so early on in our relationship was good and I didn't want to continue getting deeper feelings if the drama was going to continue.

Should I stick to my guns with the break up or try to get her back? If I put the effort in I think she would take me back. It's just that, I'm not really ready to hop back into that girlfriend role/title immediately. But I can't ask her for a break because I don't think she'd buy that.

What to do?!
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Old 05-03-2013, 10:12 AM   #2
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Re: Broke up with her. not sure about it. help.

Hi, she sounds a little too clingy for you and if you get back together she will make you feel obligated to see her every weekend. Just because she expressed her feelings to you it really does not change the basic situation. Her needy personality does not seem to mesh with your more independent persona so you should keep being broken up and save yourself from unnecessary future drama.

 
Old 05-04-2013, 01:47 PM   #3
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Re: Broke up with her. not sure about it. help.

If you broke up with her, I guess the relationship is broken, at least for the time being. I am afraid there is nothing you can do right now, except waiting and looking within yourself, and seeing how things will evolve from now on.

 
Old 05-04-2013, 08:55 PM   #4
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Re: Broke up with her. not sure about it. help.

I would say stick to your decision. There is a good reason you broke up with her and even at this point that you want a break. It is good to be desired but that doesn't mean you belong together. If you are not into drama you will be getting drama with this woman. The rational behind opening up to you after you broke up is her attempt to get you back, after all that is what you wanted so she gave it to you once you broke up. Although, I can see why she would have been upset not seeing you before she left for her trip. She must have wanted to be with you before she left and your unwillingness to see her was hurtful and also rejection. Your need for some alone time is understandable but you both may need to discuss expectations especially when it involves long distance relationships. And you are right long distance relationships are not for everyone. You will need to ask yourself "do I truly want to be with this woman?" Only you will know the answer but it seems you presented many reasons why you don't want to be with her in your post.

 
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