It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Reply Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-30-2013, 02:35 PM   #1
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5
JW0309 HB User
Unhappy Dating someone going through a divorce

Hello!

I have been dating a wonderful woman for the past 5 months. We are fantastic together and love each other very much. We do, however, have some obstacles:

It is a long distance relationship and she is going through a divorce (though is currently just separated).

About a month ago, she realized that she was going through a particularly difficult time getting over the marriage (she does not want to get back together with her ex -- he was secretly unfaithful during their relationship for a long period of time) and we had to majorly scale back the functions of our relationship. Phone calls, video chats, etc - all had to be minimized. If she is going to get through things, she doesn't want to ignore them and only focus her attention on me. She does go to therapy and is with a support group/counseling for people going through divorces.

I absolutely love this woman and will stop at nothing to make things work, but I'm having a hard time being as patient as we both want me to be. I have vowed to stand by and let her get through this time on her own and I am always available to her. We both know and accept that it's a bit one-sided, but I want to know if anybody has advice for me on how I can be the best man for her as possible.

Thank you all SO very much

 
Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2013, 08:44 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: las vegas nevada USA
Posts: 1,300
lenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB User
Re: Dating someone going through a divorce

Hi, since she is going through a difficult time now you have to learn to respect her wishes and give her space. As much as you want to communicate with her you have to control yourself,, let her make the first move getting in touch with you. If you stand back and do not pressure her then she will respect you more and stay in love with you.....If you become too over bearing you could lose her, it happens in relationships everyday. Just play it cool.......

 
Reply With Quote
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 05-31-2013, 09:55 AM   #3
Facilitator
(female)
 
Seraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 4,778
Seraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB UserSeraph HB User
Re: Dating someone going through a divorce

If you are looking at a life partner, then you can wait for her to finish her divorce issues. Trust me, you want it done before she starts a new relationship. She is doing the right, healthy thing, sorting out and getting rid of baggage. Don't pressure her or you will either lose her or prolong the whole process. Sera

 
Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2013, 10:06 AM   #4
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5
JW0309 HB User
Re: Dating someone going through a divorce

Thanks for the response. I'm definitely trying to play it cool, but it's VERY difficult. I certainly want the best for her - I just want to be as much a part of her life as I can be.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2013, 10:07 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
pendulum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
Posts: 3,713
pendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB User
Re: Dating someone going through a divorce

Ok, you're having "a hard time," but I guess she's having a harder time. You'd have a reason to be angry and feel abandoned if all the functions of your relationship - phone calls, video chats, etc - had stopped at short notice rather than being minimized. Give her plenty of time, but not all the time in the world, of course. How long will it take before she is ready for those functions again? Well, you can use this time to plan (since this is long-distance relationship) who will move where and when. Good luck.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2013, 10:10 AM   #6
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5
JW0309 HB User
Re: Dating someone going through a divorce

Thanks -- I'm definitely not angry. I commend her for being brave enough to put something on hold that is distracting her from dealing with difficult emotions. I'm just not sure I want to set any timelines or ultimatums. The last thing I want is for her to feel like I'm pressuring her.

Maybe It's an issue with no answer, but I appreciate the wish of good luck. Thanks

 
Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2013, 10:14 AM   #7
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5
JW0309 HB User
Re: Dating someone going through a divorce

Thanks -- I'm definitely not angry. I commend her for being brave enough to put something on hold that is distracting her from dealing with difficult emotions. I'm just not sure I want to set any timelines or ultimatums. The last thing I want is for her to feel like I'm pressuring her.

Maybe It's an issue with no answer, but I appreciate the wish of good luck. Thanks

 
Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2013, 11:30 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: las vegas nevada USA
Posts: 1,300
lenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB User
Re: Dating someone going through a divorce

Hi, is it a complicated divorce? Children?.If there are no children she files, he gets the papers, signs them and it is all over, easy breezy. What is the complication? If she loves you a divorce should be a joyous time, a new beginning, at least my two divorces were. There may be more here than meets the eye but I won't let my mind start racing until your reply. Sincerely.......lenvegas

 
Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2013, 11:32 AM   #9
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5
JW0309 HB User
Re: Dating someone going through a divorce

No children, no shared property - I think it's more of the emotional barriers and dealing with where she is in her life compared to where she thought she would be.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2013, 11:51 AM   #10
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: las vegas nevada USA
Posts: 1,300
lenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB Userlenvegas HB User
Smile Re: Dating someone going through a divorce

Quote:
Originally Posted by JW0309 View Post
No children, no shared property - I think it's more of the emotional barriers and dealing with where she is in her life compared to where she thought she would be.
Understood, even the more reason to lay back so with a clear head she can look forward to all of the wonderful possibilities in a life with you..

 
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to lenvegas For This Useful Post:
JW0309 (05-31-2013)
Reply Reply

Tags
dating, long distance, separation



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (273), rosequartz (255), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (158), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (101), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1006), Apollo123 (906), Titchou (853), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (755), midwest1 (669), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:07 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!