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Husb 06-21-2013 12:16 PM

Wife demands I confront friend
 
My wife is very sensitive to any perceived insult and feels a need to be vindicated by me. My friend drove a long distance to attend a charity event I did to raise money for cancer research. At the silent auction, my wife and I bid on many items. My wife says my friend said in a joking manner "you are a pig" because we bid on all items they wanted. My friend is a first class person and I seriously doubt he used those exact words. Even my wife admits it was clear he was joking.

She now DEMANDS that I call him and tell him he was wrong and insulting. I say there is no point other than to make him feel bad as he was only joking. I'm afraid this will ruin a friendship my wife has already damaged in the past. When she met my friend's fiance about 1 year ago, my wife got drunk ad said to her "who are you and why are you in my house?" This caused the fiance to leave the house and now I hardly see me friend. He was my best friend but did not include me in the wedding and I think it was because of my wife's behavior to his fiance. My wife has a history of extreme and emotional outbursts against me and others when she feels slighted for the smallest thing. She threatened to leave me when I did not approve of wallpaper! She has now made me sleep in another room for 4 nights because I have not confronted my friend.

What should I do?

Seraph 06-21-2013 12:24 PM

Re: Wife demands I confront friend
 
Stand up to your wife. She is being pretty unreasonable. Just plain refuse and stand your ground. So she gets huffy, just let her get on with it. This is the best way to deal with people like this, make them realise that you will not buy into their manipulative agendas. Sera

Husb 06-21-2013 12:37 PM

Re: Wife demands I confront friend
 
[QUOTE=Seraph;5190571]Stand up to your wife. She is being pretty unreasonable. Just plain refuse and stand your ground. So she gets huffy, just let her get on with it. This is the best way to deal with people like this, make them realise that you will not buy into their manipulative agendas. Sera[/QUOTE]

Thanks Sera. While I tend to agree, I don't want to shirk any responsibility I have to protect my wife - just don't think she really needs protection here and feel I am being manipulated like you say.

I would love to hear any other opinions on this. Thanks!

rosequartz 06-21-2013 12:59 PM

Re: Wife demands I confront friend
 
AGREE! nip this nonsense in the bud! I would go one step further and reconsider if I really want to spend the rest of my life with a woman like this.....and I wouldn't be thinking very long about it!

pendulum 06-22-2013 04:22 AM

Re: Wife demands I confront friend
 
I think you should talk to your friend about it and give him a chance to defend himself. Probably he said those very words, it was a joke, ok, but if he knew your wife was so sensitive, he should have avoided it, lest he would be misunderstood. And do you know the old saying: "when a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth"? So maybe your friend really meant to say "the pig thing", what do I know? As for your wife, I really don't know her, so it would be hasty of me to tell her to seek treatment or therapy for her jealousy, misbehaviour, suspicious mind, etc, but I think that having a job or something meaningful to do would help her focus on more important things in her life.

lenvegas 06-22-2013 07:19 AM

Re: Wife demands I confront friend
 
[QUOTE=Husb;5190574]Thanks Sera. While I tend to agree, I don't want to shirk any responsibility I have to protect my wife - just don't think she really needs protection here and feel I am being manipulated like you say.

I would love to hear any other opinions on this. Thanks![/QUOTE]

Hi, since the dynamic of your marriage is not going to change any time soon, just give her a hug and a kiss, tell her you love her and take her out to a nice dinner. Try and remember the things that got you two together in the first place,,,,,,,,

spitfirejen21 06-22-2013 01:37 PM

Re: Wife demands I confront friend
 
In my opinion, it sounds like she wants to control every single situation she is in with you. Everything has to be her way and she feels offended if you won't do what she wants and what she tells you to do. If I were you, lay down the line with her and tell her how it's going to be because if you don't she is going to be controlling and she will know she can get away with it because you "obey" her. It might also be helpful to talk to your friend about how your wife feels, then maybe next time he can be careful what he is saying and try not to offend her.

noevr 06-22-2013 04:39 PM

Re: Wife demands I confront friend
 
Hi, its hard to say without really knowing her maybe you can talk to one of her family members and see how she was growing up. But to me it almost sounds as if she could be bi-polar. Now, I'm no dr. Or anything I'm just basing it on personal experience in my own family.

I would try to get her to seek therapy if you can best of luck cathy

redsmom 07-07-2013 01:29 PM

Re: Wife demands I confront friend
 
I don't know if a hug, kiss and dinner will solve her problem. My mom always said that the power people have over you is what you give them. I think the lady protest too much and by giving into her is like saying she's right. Did she even apologize to your friend for her actions toward his girlfriend? Stand your ground and let her know in a calm manner that her actions are unacceptable.

MantuaMom2 07-09-2013 09:24 AM

Re: Wife demands I confront friend
 
You said 'I don't want to shirk any responsibility I have to protect my wife'. From what? herself! With a woman like this, you will be 'protecting' this woman the rest of your lives. You said yourself 'He was my best friend' Get it over it with now, call whatever friends you have left and say goodbye, becuase you will lose them all evenutally, if you haven't already. For whatever reason you married a woman like this and you have decided to stand by her and her outragious demands. Leaving you over wallpaper? Kicking you out of your own bed because you will not do what you know deep down is silly? Your wife is a bully, Sir. Run!


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