If I may, here is your problem in a nutshell 'Hears the problem I just found out after 4 yrs he's still married to his 2nd wife he was writing and talking with her a month'. This man is still married to another woman, whether or not he thinks it is valid. He is a user and an abuser by your own words. This 'man' is the last thing you need in your life and I think you have already come to this conclusion. What you need now is a way to get rid of this 'man'. Do you belong to a church? Have you family? A case worker? You can leave your home for a while, you might not want too for whatever reason but think of it as a recovery period away from home and not forever. As a last or even first resort, call a battered woman shelter. They are not only for physically battered women but also emotionally battered and that is what you, my Dear, are! Calling doesn't mean you must go right now. Call to talk. They are trained and caring and have many solutions available. It won't cost you anything and is a first step. You can do this!