5alphareductase

Ok, I have a bit to say and ask so if you could please give me an idea of what you think I may be having problems with, I would very much appreciate it.

I wad dxed with depression and OCD at 19, but I know that I have had it for much longer than that. I am more of a counter OCD than anything else. I pick multiples of 3, especially 9, 27, 45, 57, 135, 270, 543 and I put something in order (such as folding a shirt) and I put my hands on it and count to a number quickly so I can avoid the ominous thoughts that would come if I didnt do this. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for the past year and a half and she is great. She even offered to give me a script of opiates (I am not sure which ones) if my pain management doc was opiophobic. I dont know if docs are looked at by the dea if they treat with meds that arent in their usual scope of medicine, but it just shows that she really cares. I was on paxil originally at 20mg qd, then switched to welbutrin sr 150mg bid and that is what I take now in addition to xanax 1mg tid (probably switching to klonopin when I run out of this script of xanax) and risperdal 2mg qd. I seem to go through spurts of feeling great, but not manic in my opinion, then go in to deep depressions with wanted to be dead and some cutting of my arms at times. Last time this happened we used lithobid at only 900mg a day and that worked very well, but we stopped that after I seemed to be Ok. I had periods where I would hear voices and one time I thought I was being chased by a **** soldier, and that is why I am on the risperdal.

My problem is that I am now going through periods of deep depression with dellusions of "someone" following and spying on me because I have "the truth." I know that they want to give me sodium brev or pento to act as a truth serum to get "the truth." from me. When this is happening it seems so real, but afterwards I know that it wasnt (at least mostly know) and can sometimes even laugh about it. I seem to have the depressive states of bipolar without the extreme manias though. I am suicidal at times and still do cut, and might even ask my doc to commit me for a bit to get me back on track. Is it easy to get signed in voluntarily and go out the same way, or does it involve lots of legal stuff where I have to get the doc to sign off on me before I can leave. I am afraid though of being around the stereotypical institution that I have only seen on TV, so could someone please explain it to me. I would really appreciate it if you did.

My other question is, does my situation and description seem to go with any one certain dx. Is it possibly a mix of a few disorders, which my psychiatrist says are pretty common amount 20 year olds who have some sort of mental disorder (I am 21). I can give any information that you need if it can help you or me. Again, I really appreicate the time and I wish you all a great day.