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Old 12-08-2004, 11:43 AM   #1
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Am I crazy or cursed (Thought broadcasting)

o.k. -----I think out loud!

My doctor calls it thought broadcasting, and says it is a delusion, i.e. a false belief!! I'm not so sure, though. As a matter of fact, I'm absolutely convinced it happens! I've noticed it for several years now, but it's getting worse. Am I crazy for thinking this? I've tested this belief, and confirmed it several times...IT HAPPENS!!! People can hear my thoughts!!

Does anyone else have this problem? It's quite invasive. I have absolutely no privacy, and to counter this, I stay away from other people. Sometimes I think I can pick up on other peoples thoughts, but this happens rarley. I don't know what to do...I take medication for this, but it doesn't make it stop. I think I'm cursed!

I've accepted the FACT that it happens, but have no idea how to handle it. Is it possible to control, or am I stuck with it w/o hope?

My pdoc says I should learn to live with it. GReat advice only I don't know how!! I wonder if I've always been like this, but only realized it in the last few years.

My therapist says it's somewhat rare, and she also says I'll have to live with it.

I need help! Someone must have this happen to them, too. How do you handle it?

It wouldn't be so bad if my thoughts weren't so offensive, but I can see in others how much they are. I want it all to stop...I'm an open book for all to read.

Crazy or cursed...I'm in a twisted cage that I can't seem to break free from. I need help....HELP!

You know, they say knowledge is power, but Perhaps ignorance Is bliss...sometimes I wish I didn't know....

Cage

Last edited by twistedcage; 08-12-2006 at 04:00 AM.

 
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Old 12-08-2004, 01:55 PM   #2
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elenaroberts HB User
Re: Am I crazy or cursed

No!i think not knowing is the worse!when you dont know, you suspect everything.Well,im scared the possiblity that people might be hearing my thoughts.if im thinking a bad or embaressing thing about them i stop and say im sorry,im sorry all the time.i hope theyre not hearing these thoughts!so i always tell them" its not a thought i would like to think ok?i have OCD!!!"Has the doctor diagnosed you with something???never think youre cursed there may be lots of other possiblities too think about them!

 
Old 12-08-2004, 06:56 PM   #3
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mudhound HB User
Re: Am I crazy or cursed

You are niether. There should be some help out there for you
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Mudhound

 
Old 12-08-2004, 07:53 PM   #4
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Re: Am I crazy or cursed

What possibilities would those be? People hear my thoughts...how is this not a curse?

I'm ashamed of the thoughts that pop in my head, and to make it worse...people hear them! It's awful. They are embarassing, unwanted, disgusting, offensive thoughts.

I have just started taking an anti-depressant for the possibility that it's similar to ocd. (Two days ago) My dx is actually schizoaffective. (Was bipolar 1 with psychotic features) Ten years of this, and I still don't have a handle on it!

How do you face others when you think like me while knowing they hear you? I think things I don't mean, and things that are untrue. But sometimes the things I think are true, but I would never say them, or want to even think them! The more I try not to think about them the more I think about them. A crazy cycle that I cannot seem to break!

I also take two anti-psychotics, a mood stabilizer, and a beta blocker. (For panic)

I do think it's better to know that my thoughts are heard! I just wish I knew how to control it, and use it to my advantage. The possibilities, eh? I've been trying to use this to my advantage for three years now, but my stinkin thinkin always gets in the way...I'm sorry for what I think, too, but I'm too ashamed to own my thoughts enough to appologize for them.

I guess if I didn't care I'd be alright, huh? I'd let them pass me by like it didn't matter. My conscience won't let me, though. I care too much..

How do you make peace with this sort of thing? How do the people react to you when you own, and appologize for your thoughts? Does it really work?

I'm willing to try just about anything at this point...Hmm, maybe an exorcist is in order, lol!

If I could manage to quit caring would it make me a bad person?

I want to give up!!!

 
Old 12-08-2004, 11:22 PM   #5
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jeffster HB User
Re: Am I crazy or cursed

That's like the most common delusion among schizoaffective and schizophrenic people. That's the thing about delusions, you think they are facts.

Jeff

 
Old 12-09-2004, 01:35 PM   #6
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elenaroberts HB User
Re: Am I crazy or cursed

Cage,What made you believe this is the fact??

 
Old 12-10-2004, 12:06 PM   #7
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Re: Am I crazy or cursed

this has been happening for several years now. At first, during a manic episode, I suspected others could hear me think, but had no evidence to support this belief. I shrugged it off, and just thought..."How could this be" To be honest, I thought I was nuts for thinking such a thing. As the time moved on I became more, and more aware that it did actualy happen. Little things would tip me off, and after a while there were several incidents that confirmed my suspicions.

To name just a couple (Out of many)

I was at a friends house watching them play/practice their music. They had no singer, but it was fun just the same. During one of their songs I was reading in my head the lyrics to the song. When they were done done playing, one looked to the other, and asked. "Did you hear that" He nodded his head said"Yes" then he turned to me, and said "If you're going to sing, sing on the mic, and do it out loud"

Another time...same place! He had a few friends over. We were sitting around, and during the silence I had a very embarassing thought about something that had happened a few years ago with one of the guys there. After thinking about it, and trying not to think about it. One of them popped up and said. "Wow, I had forgot about that" The guy was with his girlfriend, and said "Yeah, she knows about it." After that, I was very anxious, and couldn't stop my mind from thinking. The girlfriend looks up at me, and says "Good God man, shut up" and said my name. Everyone looks at her in discust, and shakes their head as if trying to keep me from knowing.

Just a couple out of many incidents that have confirmed that people hear my thoughts. It happens...it's a fact I know because I have tried, tested, and confirmed it over and over.

Delusion my butt! I know, just as many others out there know... Acknowledgement, acceptence will lead to recovery/control. You can't fix it if you can't accept that it happens...

Or...

Maybe ignorance is bliss! Maybe it's better/easier to believe it's a delusion?

Cage

 
Old 12-11-2004, 01:44 PM   #8
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elenaroberts HB User
Re: Am I crazy or cursed

Thank you cage!if i were you i would believe my friends were aliens or something like that.it must be really frightening!you might be right.better dont talk to them again.

 
Old 12-16-2004, 10:46 PM   #9
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Re: Am I crazy or cursed

Cage...

I went thru something like this years ago after I had gotten off of a thirty year addiction to booze and pot and pills. It was diagnosed by some doctors as a schizoeffective, or schizoid disorder, I don't remember which anymore. I left the hospital without going on medication and had a difficult time for several years afterwards. Not only did I believe people could hear my thoughts (because it did seem like so much more than coincidence to me), but I believed words had different meanings when they were spoken to me... Yes sometimes meant no, write meant ride, go meant stay, etc etc... I had to be very careful not to act upon what people were saying to me when I believed that certain words had other, secret meanings..

The way I got rid of thinking that people could hear my thoughts was that I just got sick and tired of always flinching and trying not to think "bad" things about the people I was talking to. I finally said screw it and just thought the "bad" embarassing things. I thought them at people and just ignored the thoughts and talked through them as if they didn't matter. If I was thinking "**** you" (or "**** God") at someone that I was having a pleasant conversation with, I just allowed myself to think it and kept up the outside nice conversation. After a while I began to notice that even if people could read my thoughts what I was thinking didn't seem to affect them in any way. And then I was finally able to accept that probably they couldn't read my thoughts, but only after I kept noticing that these rotten, embarassing thoughts didn't have any real effect on the people I was talking with, only on myself.
And then one day I just sat down alone for several days and wrote out all of these "foul" thoughts. I let anything come into my head, no matter how "dirty" or "disgusting" or "bad" it was, I allowed ANYTHING to come in, and wrote it all down. All of it. I didn't show it to anyone but just burned the writings and felt a tremendous sense of relief afterwards. Because I had thought that "God" or "others" would punish me for thinking these things, but NO, that did not EVER happen!
I also used to curse at "God" (or "Jesus") in my head something fierce, and then I realized that maybe even this was some sort of strange way that my spiritual Higher Power had of helping me, that It was showing me that It loved me so much it could accept these harsh thoughts and not punish or reject me in any way, only love me.

This all worked for me. The "evil" thinking has gone away and stayed mostly away now for years, with only an occasional return and this not more than once a year or so. But of course in my case I've also had to stay clean and sober, in order not to wreck my mind again.

Regards, and hang in there buddy, it will get better,
Greywoulf

 
Old 08-12-2006, 03:42 AM   #10
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twistedcage HB User
Re: Am I crazy or cursed

Well, I'm back again, and I still have the thought broadcasting. I can't seem to shake it no matter what I do. I've been on so many different medications its sickening!

Anyone else have problems with this? cause I don't think I can take anymore...nothing works for me! (Including the suggestions made in the previous post) Thanks, btw.

I'm currently taking a cocktail of resperidol, and seroquel, but like I said, it's not working. Has anyone had much luck with different meds for this?

Btw, people do care what comes out of my head. (I can see it on their faces)

Twisted,

Violated

As is the faux silence desperately held beneath my
closely guarded lips,
a restless spirit manifests into the opened minds
of many a man.

Existing solely on disturbed thoughts, unruly feelings,
fleeting images, and mind
they form a viable essence then travel far beyond
original home.

Brilliant in quest a great force thrusts the new entities
into mankindís
mental dimensions, and into the very grey matter
of unwary hosts.

The restless spirit harbors thought, and the illusive silence
is tied to my own mind.
This mental rape screams a voiceless panorama, and insanity
is tacked on my invaded soul.
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Last edited by twistedcage; 08-12-2006 at 03:53 AM.

 
Old 08-12-2006, 07:50 AM   #11
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barney64 HB User
Re: Am I crazy or cursed

Hi twistedcage,

Here's something to think about:

If your friends could hear your thoughts, why would they keep it a secret from you? If someone could hear your thoughts I think they would tell you or they would most likely think they had a psychological disorder themselves and seek treatment.

I have been taking risperdal for over 10 years and still from time to time experience the fear of thought broadcasting. I think the risperdal just helps to keep me from getting so worked up about it which keeps me from focusing on it. I think the more you "stress out" about thought broadcasting the more likely you will experience this delusion. Try to learn some relaxation techniques to practice when you are thinking about thought broadcasting.

 
Old 08-12-2006, 11:39 PM   #12
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emeraldeyes114 HB User
Re: Am I crazy or cursed

I have a hard time with a lot of things like knowing that people see what they shouldn't even if i am unsure of what shouldn't be seen. Often i will wonder about something and weird thing is that is when it gets brought up by those who are near me when i was wondering in the first place. I use to think coicidence (sp) but anymore not too sure it is or isn't. So then I got to the point where i would just stare at them thinking pretty much nothing cause I was afraid they might comment on that too. They stared back ok this is a family member and i can't explain much more then that. I knew she had cameras put around the house while she went on vaca to see what crap i did that would be wrong to her. I looked but didn't find them. But I know what you mean. It is almost scary when they start telling you what you already know or are thinking about and the looks....yeap i know what you mean...no meds for this chicky.
emerald

 
Old 08-13-2006, 07:21 PM   #13
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twistedcage HB User
Re: Am I crazy or cursed

Quote:
Originally Posted by barney64
Hi twistedcage,

Here's something to think about:

If your friends could hear your thoughts, why would they keep it a secret from you? If someone could hear your thoughts I think they would tell you or they would most likely think they had a psychological disorder themselves and seek treatment.

I have been taking risperdal for over 10 years and still from time to time experience the fear of thought broadcasting. I think the risperdal just helps to keep me from getting so worked up about it which keeps me from focusing on it. I think the more you "stress out" about thought broadcasting the more likely you will experience this delusion. Try to learn some relaxation techniques to practice when you are thinking about thought broadcasting.
Yeah, I get extermely 'worked up' when it happens. I need xanax, or something similar, but my doc won't script me for it due to the addiction factor. I try relaxation tecniques all the time, but they don't work, either. Sometimes I think it wouldn't be so hard to live with if it didn't create such anxiety, and fear...
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Old 08-13-2006, 07:22 PM   #14
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twistedcage HB User
Re: Am I crazy or cursed

Quote:
Originally Posted by emeraldeyes114
I have a hard time with a lot of things like knowing that people see what they shouldn't even if i am unsure of what shouldn't be seen. Often i will wonder about something and weird thing is that is when it gets brought up by those who are near me when i was wondering in the first place. I use to think coicidence (sp) but anymore not too sure it is or isn't. So then I got to the point where i would just stare at them thinking pretty much nothing cause I was afraid they might comment on that too. They stared back ok this is a family member and i can't explain much more then that. I knew she had cameras put around the house while she went on vaca to see what crap i did that would be wrong to her. I looked but didn't find them. But I know what you mean. It is almost scary when they start telling you what you already know or are thinking about and the looks....yeap i know what you mean...no meds for this chicky.
emerald
Your able to not think? What a gift that would be! I can't shut my mind up for the life of me...
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Old 08-14-2006, 06:17 AM   #15
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Re: Am I crazy or cursed

twistedcage,

I know your dealing with a difficult problem, I wish I could be more helpful. Xanax can be both physically and psychologically addictive, but you have to weigh the pros and cons. I am not a doctor, I only speak from my own experience. If you are suffering, ask your doctor to prescribe a small amount of Xanax to be taken 'as needed'. That is what I do and I only take it when I absolutly can't manage my anxiety any other way.

Exercise is a great way to improve mental health. If you can, try walking 20 to 30 minutes a day.

Hang in there!

 
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