i've recenty been diagnosed with schizophrenia, though i've had the symptoms for a few years. it's been bad at times, but for the most part i can handle it alright, it just makes my life more difficult. but i feel like, i don't know, sometimes i want it to go away, but i still feel as though my thoughts and perceptions are correct (yes, i know you disagree, please spare me if that's alright. i hear it plenty already). i just want the aspects i don't like to go away, like feeling confused, feeling paranoid, having it be harder to focus and make sense, and etc. so they're talking about abilify, and part of me wants to go on it to feel better, but part of me wants to continue trying to live in both realities, the one everyone else lives in, and the one only i seem to be able to see. my decision is most swayed by the knowledge that schizophrenia is supposed to worsen and greatly harm your brain if left untreated. i'm only 17 and in the developing stage, so how much worse can i most likely expect it to get? and is brain damage a certainty, or is it possible that i will not experience a degeneration of grey matter?
also, i was thinking about not going on medication until i felt as though i was getting a lot worse and meds were necessary. is this a poor idea? and are there any schizophrenics out there who live happily without medication?
and on a rather unrelated note, i go though phases where i don't have very many 'hallucinations' at all, and so it makes me wonder if i was making up the whole thing, or exagurrating it, or had tricked myself into believing it before. i'm not sure why i would do that in the first place, and it's most likely because i just didn't have people take me seriously for so long about the things i was going through, but i often feel so shameful, because my memory is getting worse and i often can't remember my 'hallucinations', even though i know there have been certain times of my life where i have written down, just to remind me, that this was really happening. and the thoughts other people think are delusions never go away. but i'm just curious if anyone else ever feels as though they were wrong, or making it up, during phases where they are more "normal" (and, as a related question, do other people besides me have episodes where they are pretty much free of voices?).
i'm sorry if i was not making sense, or if i asked too many questions, but to be honest this diagnosis has gotten me rather upset. i though i would like an explanation for things, but schizophrenia, though it is just a word, feels like such a weighty word with a lot of negative emotions and thoughts associated with it. so i'm feeling a bit lost. thanks in advance for any help/answers/personal stories you can provide
Personally if I were you, I'd follow the doctor's advice and start taking the medications. Again, you may think that you have control, but if you continue to go unmedicated, you could spiral into a full-blown episode and might even need to be hospitalized. I would think that following the medication requirements could save you from this. The good thing about you is that you were able to catch it early enough that it's only still developing. Perhaps taking the medication early will slow the progression of the disorder and limit brain damage. The brain damage of which you speak is similar to that seen in Alzheimer's. Holes form in parts of the brain, and it's degenerative- the longer you go untreated, the worse the damage is. I loved the part you said about how you think that sometimes you're making up the whole thing- I do that, too! Only mine is for my OCD! 
I've gone through some recent periods lately where I questioned, "What if I don't have OCD? What if I'm just exaggerating my symptoms, and I'm just faking it? I didn't really obsess that much today so I must be faking..." Only a person with OCD would doubt that they have OCD! 
I hope that you're feeling better, and if you have anymore questions, feel free to ask! God bless! 
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