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Old 01-29-2006, 03:59 PM   #1
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karl27 HB User
whats wrong with me?

i am so terrified the police sare watching my house and i think people are trying to burgle my house, i stay up all night just to keep an eye on the place. i have just been prescribed with 15mg olanzapine what is this for? people come and see me from the psychiactric hospital to talk. i dont like them they look like demons as does everyone else i cantt look at people i so scared all the time. i just want to kill myself i cant go on another day. everyone is against me and i cant even eat i lost loads of weight apparently but the food is not rioght. the water supply is poisened so i have to drink bottled mineral water why are people doing this to me i done nothing wrong. someone help me... i have tablets in the house i will use them i cant go on another day. help me please

 
Old 01-29-2006, 04:48 PM   #2
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Re: whats wrong with me?

Well, if you truly think the water supply is poisoned and everybody else acts like it's ok(They're drinking it too), I think you might be paranoid, and hallucinating(with the demons and stuff).

And since you're posting under the schizoophrenia board, I bet you're suspecting schizophrenia in which I would guess paranoid schizophrenia - But you'd have to ask the person who diagnosed you(or prescribed the medicine) to be sure. If it's not that, and everything you've said is true(to you) then it's something pretty darn close..... But... I'm pretty sure you have paranoia.

 
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Old 01-29-2006, 11:35 PM   #3
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HelpMeHoldOn HB User
Re: whats wrong with me?

You speak of suicide a couple times in your posts.... So you need to dial 911 and get help RIGHT NOW! That is serious and you thinking and "planning" to do it cause you cannot take another day is very very serious, wouldn't you rather go get help and get your meds rigjht rather than take you own life. Think of this, you die= your pain may be gone but all thouse you leave behind will forever be affected by your selfish act. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT AND YOU can get rid of all this when on the right meds,. I have a son that is similar to you- very much so and now he is getting stable.

FIND HELP- GO GET THE HELP YOU SO DESPERATLY NEED!

You will be in my thoughts
Hailey
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HAILEY

 
Old 01-30-2006, 11:46 AM   #4
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karl27 HB User
Re: whats wrong with me?

curiouskittie >> i posting under the schizophrenia boards cos my mum always mentions it and thinks i might have it.. so i was just curious and looking for an answer. i know something is not right i dont feel normal. i still here though havin got through another day. my pychologist came out today tried to put me in hospital but i went off on one so we came to an agreement which has kept me out of hospital. i have not been diagnosed with anything just been put on tablets. thank you so much for you reply.

 
Old 01-30-2006, 11:58 AM   #5
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Re: whats wrong with me?

to helpmeholdon>> thank you for kind words xx i got through the night spent most of the night on the phone to people at the hospital they have a crisis phone number. i do have people who try to help i have felt bad for a while. i have a dr and a psychologist. i have not actually been diagnosed with anything though. they tried to put me away today. i did not want to be locked up so came to an agreement with them have to have daily visits and accept phone calls from the hospital. glad your son is stable or getting there at least xxx the thought of hospital scares me and i dont want to leave the house i quite sure someone is trying to burgle the place.... thank you for your reply was nice of you. i have not got anybody really only my mum. i have no friends or anything like that and i scared to go out so getting reply was nice. take care... karl x

 
Old 01-30-2006, 04:34 PM   #6
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i-be-peabody HB User
Re: whats wrong with me?

Karl. I agree. If you're considering suicide, you need to get some help.

Karl, I totally understand how you're feeling right now. I really, really do. I didn't understand why I had to be on medication when I first got sick. Actually, for a fair amount of time I didn't get it... It's hard to understand. I just honestly knew what reality was and there was no need to medicate me. I distrusted the pills by this logic.

My diagnosis is undifferentiated schizophrenia. But I have paranoid behaviour and thoughts sometimes. I was really scared of others for a long time (now I'm just really shy and frightened of trying to be social) but then, back when it first started, people scared me because I thought if I looked into their eyes, they'd read my thoughts and send me theirs. Sometimes when I looked at people, their eyes would turn black and large. That was really, really scary. I'd hear their thoughts coming to me in their voices. That they would harm me in a variety of ways. And I'd actually FEEL them taking my thoughts from my head.

What you're saying sounds so much like what I went through. I thought one of my professors was trying to get ahold of my personal information to send to the CIA. This was TOTALLY REAL to me. Completely. I completely understand why you're scared, my dear friend *hugs*. It's scary stuff. Really scary.

Keep taking the drugs, okay? Just for now. See if they don't help. See how you feel. Some drugs work better for different people and some people need different doses than others. Is this coming at you too fast? Like, we can talk about it one thing at a time, if you want. I know, that can be easier.

For now, just keep telling those thoughts and demon eyes to leave you alone! They might try to fight back, but tell them you have the power to be safe from them. Tell those thoughts this: "It's not time to worry yet"

I hope you can find some peace. I know how you're suffering.

Please don't hurt yourself. Don't let it win, okay?

peaceful thoughts
love
pea

 
Old 01-30-2006, 09:39 PM   #7
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HelpMeHoldOn HB User
Re: whats wrong with me?

KArl,

I am so glad to hear that you were on the phone all night talking to people to help you through. I know the very thought of going to be "put away" is so very scary, but better that - than the other!! I thought about you last night and hoped you would be back here today with some kind of news on how you are !!

I may not know you
but I still care
when someone is hurting
I hurt too
please Karl, be good to yourself
and keep being the brave guy you are
reaching out
and not letting this horrible thing
get the best of you!!!
You are a fighter,
even though you feel weak,
we all are fighting
so stay with us, cause you help us as we help you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hailey
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HAILEY

 
Old 01-31-2006, 02:02 PM   #8
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karl27 HB User
Re: whats wrong with me?

dear pea thankyou for reply. i trying to get all the help i can but i have a problem trusting people and like you am very shy and frightened of people. i am not very good socially. i even get frightened coming on here and typing messages! i scared what people might think of me as i usually get bad reactions from people get called a weirdo ect... i think even my own mother is turning against me and she all i got i dont see rest of the family. in fact it feels like everyone is turning on me which is making me be nasty to people i dont mean it though. your message was kinda scary as i could relate to it.... i believe people can read my thoughts also which is horrible and one of my many reasons for not leaving the house. if i go out which is rarley i can feel it when i walk past someone and i know there always staring at me and know what i am thinking i can feel my mind emptying as though people are removing thoughts with some sort of power. dont know if it exactly same for you but that how it is to me. also when i have a phone conversation it feels like the world is listening so i always ask if the line is private. there not a day go by when i dont feel scared.... i do drink beer that seems safe but i drinking to much to try and hide the way i feel i do find it helpful but this i think is getting a problem. i hope you will reply back ... sounds silly but you lot are keeping me going i look forward to your replys... love karl xx

 
Old 02-01-2006, 04:43 AM   #9
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i-be-peabody HB User
Re: whats wrong with me?

Dear Karl.

Wow. I totally get this too When someone related to my feelings (these deep, scary feelings that I thought were mine alone to deal with) I was scared too. It's scary to talk about this stuff, different kinds of scary wiht different kinds of people,but it's especially scary to hear someone else who understands.

Yes. It's just like that. You feel like someone is draining your thoughts. Or at least I do I feel them draining my thoughts and replacing them with theirs. It leaves me feeling powerless and vulnerable. And when you feel that people are against you, you're going to want to protect yourself. Being nasty, as you say, is just your reaction to people you feel are some kind of a threat.

I think it's taking a lot of courage for you to talk openly and don't stop. No one will be mean here, I don't think. At least I won't. Even if I didn't understand, I wouldn't do that. I know how scary it is to admit all this, to talk about it and hit enter and not really know what people will think. And I know what it feels like to know (because I sometimes know, or knew) that people are plotting against you and trying to do you harm. That's veryhard to ignore and overcome, which you've done by being willing to talk about it. Good for you!!

Be careful with the alcohol, that's all I'd say. Because I did that. Not with alcohol (my stomach didn't allow it*lol*) but with drugs. I thought they were making it all better and in some ways, they were as they took a lot of the symptoms away. But I became dependant on the drugs I was taking and I've paid for it for years. I see nothing wrong with doing it for fun once in awhile but just be careful if you're doing it all the time.

Let me write some more later. I jsut wanted to say those things now but I'd like to talk more to you as it sounds like you could really use an ear. I'll check on this thread all day.

love pea

 
Old 02-01-2006, 04:44 AM   #10
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i-be-peabody HB User
Re: whats wrong with me?

PS And don't feel silly. It means the world sometimes when you realize there is someone out there who understands.

Hailey, that was really pretty

love pea

 
Old 02-02-2006, 07:40 PM   #11
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HelpMeHoldOn HB User
Re: whats wrong with me?

Thanks Pea!! It goes for you also!!!

Hailey
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Old 02-03-2006, 05:52 PM   #12
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Re: whats wrong with me?

hi pea sorry been a day or two .. havin it rough had horrible night the demons got under my skin i tried to cut them out made a mess of my arm.. not cut any main vains so did not need hospital. would have been to late anyway i live by myself and i would not ring ambulance. would have been a blessing... noone seen my arm. not seeing people.... i live in supported housing there trying to get in to see me. put a note through door and threatened to ring police and break in!! sorry i might not be making much sense my head all over the place... i hear you about the drinking. i cant help it though it helps me get through the night.. i not sleeping .. dare not even shut my eyes as can still see the demons. perhaps i should be a bit more complyent with the tablets but suspicious of them as i am of everything. i take them occasionally but its abit hit and miss only really take them if i get bugged for hours on end... i HAVE seen my social worker said if i dont improve they will try and get a section ... all i want is for these people to leave me alone there ganging up on me and talking about me to each other and passing messages on and i sure when they ring me up the phone is tapped and the whole dam world is listening to me i got no privacy whatsoever... sorry for going on pea hope you made some sense of this i will have to go now ... love karl ps HI HAILY WILL WRITE YOU SOON

 
Old 02-04-2006, 07:38 AM   #13
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i-be-peabody HB User
Re: whats wrong with me?

Karl, oh.. I've done that too I had to cut into my skin once to remove a tracking device. It's so scary and people always think you're trying to hurt yourself ("NO People! I'm trying to help myself!!!") I'd say keep an eye on the wounds, just to make sure they don't get infected. Dress them and maybe use an antibiotic cream you can get at the drugstore... Just so you don't get an infection.

It's hard to make people understand that sometimes you just want to be left alone. Especially if you're seeing things differently than they see them. Have you ever been sectioned before? It's scary when someone tells you you will be. But don't be scared, okay? If you DO get sent in, it sucks but they'll try to find something to help you. It's just hard to trust them, that they'll make you well. Every time I thought they'd never let me out and they always did. I'm on your side, Karl. Why don't people just let us be??

Do you have family that lives close? Or someone you trust near you? That could be there with you? I mean, that you wouldn't mind having with you?

I'll come back later. Phone's yelling!!

love pea

 
Old 02-09-2006, 06:47 AM   #14
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i-be-peabody HB User
Re: whats wrong with me?

Karl, how are you doing? We haven't heard from you in awhile and just hoping you're okay

love pea

 
Old 02-09-2006, 12:30 PM   #15
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Re: whats wrong with me?

hi pea... how are you? yeah sorry about that. not felt to good still live and kicking though. i,v had people constantly coming round harrassing me. do this do that!!! ahhhhhhhh they still keep threatening to have me sectioned but as yet they havnt and i still at home. had a visit from my housing people today . there a mental health organisation. they just sat there writing things about me into a file. funny thing is i never opened my mouth to say anything. feel like an experiment..... got two more visits tomorrow. housing people then i got to see my psychiatrist which i am not looking forward to and she is insisting my mother be there aswell so dont know what thats all about... i had enough really. trapped in house like a prisoner with people just asking questions all the time. wish i were dead hate my scary horrible life.. need help and not getting it really.... i get going now hope i not depressed you or anything .... love karl x x

 
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