It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Schizophrenia Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-07-2006, 09:10 PM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Harrisonburg, Va
Posts: 22
Fierysungirl HB User
I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

That's why I came to this board, to find answers. He feels ashamed of this disease and as if he is less than other men.
To me, he has been the most loving, caring, unselfish man I have ever met.
He is so much better to me than all of the "undiagnosed" men I have dated.

He puts effort and thought into what makes me happy and is the only guy who has treated me like I am a real person and not a sex object.

Our relationship is long distance and we really don't see each other on a day to day basis.

My concerns are, could he ever be dangerous to me? Would he have mental health needs that I couldn't meet and if the relationship fell apart, would he relapse and would I be the cause of his detriment?

I really want to be with him, but sometimes he gets so intense and needy it makes me want to run. As soon as I've had distance from him, I miss all of his good qualities that other guys don't seem to have.

Are there any non schizophrenics on this board who are dating someone with schizophrenia and if so, how did that relationship differ from other relationships?

I want to continue this relationship, I am just scared. He takes heavy sedatives. What are those sedatives suppressing? I just need some clarity.
Thanks!

 
The following user gives a hug of support to Fierysungirl:
dollydagger (09-29-2011)
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 06-14-2006, 03:31 PM   #2
Newbie
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 6
1unaccounted4 HB User
Re: I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

Hey

you awnsered my post a couple of days ago so i just thought id get back to you here. our situations sound almost identical lol with the same questions and worry, and i hope he's not the same guy simply because id love him more i met my guy the other day im still pretty unsure about him he denies it but he does have schizophrenia it shows, right now, im not trying to ignore it but just take it all in i guess the same as you just trying to understand how severe he can get...but i have a bit of a self confidence issues so the only reason i would totally give up is if he started blaming me and or getting really annoyed with me as he does others. but well how did you meet your guy?
the board won't let us exchange email but im fine just chatting here. ill try to check more often.

btw: i think sometimes the drugs can supprres all emotions like being sedated i think even sex drive but i think my guy sounds the exact same he shows very little intrest in that so maybe he's on something too. sorry if im sounding a bit harsh i don't mean to im just not sure what to think about him.

ttyl

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 06-16-2006, 05:33 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
GatsbyLuvr1920's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 1,871
GatsbyLuvr1920 HB UserGatsbyLuvr1920 HB UserGatsbyLuvr1920 HB User
Re: I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

Do you know what medicines he's taking? I would hope that it's an atypical anti-psychotic and not a traditional anti-psychotic like Thorazine or Haldol, which pretty much makes the person a zombie... Actually, if your boyfriend seems emotionless at times, it's probably not all the medicine. A main negative symptom of schizophrenia (a non-psychotic symptom that is present even when the patient isn't exhibiting psychotic symptoms) is withdrawal from loved ones and apathy. Some medicines make it worse, but some apathy will most likely always be present. Good luck, and God bless! I hope it works out for you!
-GatsbyLuvr1920-
__________________
"Not everything that steps out of line, and thus 'abnormal,' must necessarily be 'inferior.'"
-Hans Asperger

 
Old 06-20-2006, 04:18 AM   #4
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Brighton
Posts: 225
steveo23 HB User
Re: I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

Fiersysungirl

Hey, one of my closet friends who I met through college has schizophrenia, and she is one of the most wonderful caring people I have ever met. The idea that schizophrenics may harm people is one of the biggests misconceptions about the illness. We have the media to thank in a large part for that.

 
Old 06-20-2006, 05:02 AM   #5
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Harrisonburg, Va
Posts: 22
Fierysungirl HB User
Re: I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

Thanks to all who replied.
To Unaccounted4, I met my guy in a park in Virginia. He is 48 and I am 38.
We met last year and at first were just friendship resources for each other as we were both recovering from other breakups. We're both Pisces, so hopefully this clears things up and we aren't dating the same guy!

We then became closer to each other and waited a long time before we slept together. i have issues concerning sexual intimacy, due to a prior sexual assault and he has been the ONLY guy who was ever kind and tender about that and the only guy who didn't push sex on me anyway or play any manipulative mind games to get me into bed. He's the only guy I have felt like I've ever made love with, all the other guys (there were only 3 before him) just used me for their own pleasure.

When I am with him, i notice more attention deficit type behaviors than any type of "schizophrenic" behavior, but then I am not sure what schiz. behavior is. He gets distracted very easily and sometimes it can be annoying because we can never get anywhere on time.

The meds he's TOLD me he's on are Seroquel, Adderal, Trazedone, Klonipin and Cymbalta. As I said before, we live 2 hours apart, so we don't see eachother everyday. I wonder what he's like on his "off days".

On the other hand, I wanted to point out, that the "undiagnosed" boyfriend I had before him had the sick hobby of watching animal and human torture videos that he down loaded from the internet. He was also nasty, mean and selfish with me. It's amazing who gets diagnosed and who remains undiagnosed in this world.

 
Old 06-26-2006, 09:02 PM   #6
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: oklahoma city, ok
Posts: 2
lizzie415 HB User
Re: I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fierysungirl
That's why I came to this board, to find answers. He feels ashamed of this disease and as if he is less than other men.
To me, he has been the most loving, caring, unselfish man I have ever met.
He is so much better to me than all of the "undiagnosed" men I have dated.

He puts effort and thought into what makes me happy and is the only guy who has treated me like I am a real person and not a sex object.

Our relationship is long distance and we really don't see each other on a day to day basis.

My concerns are, could he ever be dangerous to me? Would he have mental health needs that I couldn't meet and if the relationship fell apart, would he relapse and would I be the cause of his detriment?

I really want to be with him, but sometimes he gets so intense and needy it makes me want to run. As soon as I've had distance from him, I miss all of his good qualities that other guys don't seem to have.

Are there any non schizophrenics on this board who are dating someone with schizophrenia and if so, how did that relationship differ from other relationships?

I want to continue this relationship, I am just scared. He takes heavy sedatives. What are those sedatives suppressing? I just need some clarity.
Thanks!
Hey Fiery, I married a schizophrenic knowing that he was ill. I was a single mom, totally in love. I thought I could help him. That did not work out, as his hallucinations, delusions, illusions, not only affected me but also my child. We were married less than 3 years, because he became increasingly hostile toward my daughter. He refused to get help, not believing he was ill. My advice to you is let this relationship go.

 
Old 07-13-2006, 07:07 PM   #7
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Harrisonburg, Va
Posts: 22
Fierysungirl HB User
Re: I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

Thanks Lizzie, even dating him can be scary sometimes. He does get really hostile and negative about life. He also gets really defensive about his source of income, which is a disability check that he spends on his 3 run down vehicles. He wants a woman to accept him as he is and not look down on him for him lack of income, yet at the same time, he does seem to expect the woman to support him.

I am needy and in need of love, but I wonder what price I am willing to pay.

did your ex get scary with you when you needed to break up with him?

did he ever make you afraid of him?

 
Old 07-14-2006, 02:04 AM   #8
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Seattle,Wa.Usa
Posts: 2
JohnnyGirl HB User
Re: I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

I have schizophrenia but it is a very untypical type that baffles my doc quite often though he is sure of the diagnosis..anyways I dated a guy I met in the hospital,who also had schizophrenia and we were both sick when we met and both thought the other one was crazy I realize now that we were both delusional, my point is that even though I was sick as well dealing with the issues of someone who is not in reality can be very hard and in my case this guy didn't really do much to help himself so that was difficult, I have gotten violent with my family usually it was because I got paranoid and they were trying to tell me thats not real or I was really scared and thought I was being threatend,but I have dated non mentally ill guys and it's never been a problem , what helped them with me was that I sort of told them what caused me to have the problems i did have and how they could help like if I was hearing voices or being paranoid and they have all been real sweet about it and understanding. I don't know if this will help you or not but i think if you love this guy and you can talk with him about what to do in situations it might help if you do want it to work out.... but if a person scares you wether they are sick or not it's best to leave the relationship I was in an abusive marriage and I wish I had gotten out at the first signs of trouble..

 
Old 08-15-2006, 06:38 AM   #9
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Sydney
Posts: 1
Zoley HB User
Re: I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

My situation is almost exactly the same.The guy is adorable,not like other guys but he lives far away!
The only real difference between what you have said and the guy I like is that he is not heavily sedated.
He lives on the other side of the country but my parents happen to live in the same city and he wants me to go up there.It is a big step though but I miss him so much and..well..I just need to know more about this illness too I guess.

 
Old 08-15-2006, 06:48 AM   #10
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,417
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

Fiery - don't get sucked into supporting him. he wants someone to accept him and support him too? Thats asking a little much. Can he get a part time job to supplement his disability check? be very careful about spending money on him, it will become a habit, more and more, you want to help him.....I know. But then you will start to resent him and the situation.
Trust me.....

 
Old 09-13-2006, 08:05 AM   #11
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1
amandica HB User
Re: I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

I too am with someone who has schizophrenia. He is- like most others seem to be saying about thir signifigantr other- very sweet and not pushy and kind and cary. But, he doesnt show the "schizo" side. After reading about the condition, reading posts and this post in particular, I kind of feel as though I can not relate. My boyfreind and I see each other every day, he has NEVER done anything to even romotely clue me in to having this, and I can usually pick up quickly that soemthing is "wrong" with people, but I didn't know until he told me. I asked him what kinds of things "happend" with him. He told me that he would see/ hear things that were not there, not completely fabricated, but that he would hear things that he had heard pereviously- but as if they were being said "now", but they were coming for "nowhere" and he wouldnt see things necisarrily, but see things differently than what they were- distorted if you will. He takes meds and sees a professional every couple weeks. He siad when he was younger that they couldnt figure out what was wrong with him becasue I guess his case is more unique. As a child he was institutionalized becasue of this and once they figured out how to treat him and put him on meds- he lives a normal life. He can work, go to school, etc. He has never heard "devil" voices like I have read of many people hearing. As long as he takes his meds he does not have any "episodes". He was with his previous girlfriend for over 2 years and she never knew, nor had any clue of his ilness. So I guess it is like I would like to know more about him and his ilness and maybe how I can help him or how/ what I should do IF he has an episode, but he doesnt. Unlike others on here- I dont see him as having an ilness, as most have said they can see things in thir "lover" that show their condition. Is there anyone with the same "type" of this as he has who could help me out, or am i just lucky that his case is "mild"?

 
Old 09-13-2006, 08:04 PM   #12
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Peoria, IL USA
Posts: 2
BoonesWifey HB User
Talking Re: I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

Hi guys...

I just signed up here and was browsing for a while...

I am married to a man who is schizo - effective. I didn't know until he told me. He has his moments... we all do... sane or not. We've been together for four years... married for almost two of them. He is only heavily sedated medication but as long as he takes it, he's fine. I've always been there to be supportive of him. One of our ways of dealing with his condition is we sit down and talk EVERYTHING out...

Being schizo-effective or schizophrenic doesn't always mean that they are slow... my husband has a quicker reaction than anyone I know... he's also very bright. All they need is support and love.

It took us a LLLOOOTTTT of work but we are very happy. I make sure he takes his meds every night and we're alright. When he doesn't take it... it worries me. Not because I'm scared he'll lash out of act crazy but he gets sick if he doesn't take it. It takes work but mostly love.

 
Old 09-18-2006, 09:01 PM   #13
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: San Diego
Posts: 8
Squeaker HB User
Re: I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

Hi Booneswifey,

I agree with you wholeheartedly......Love, Love and More Love. My husband is the most adorable and loving man, unless he doesn't take his meds. I used to let him take care of it but found that most of the time, he would "forget" to take them. I have taken over and see to it that he takes him daily and for the most part, he is fine. every once in a while he hears whispering but like you said, we talk and talk and talk. He seems to do better, when we are open about EVERYTHING and he is VERY INTELLIGENT. I think that most of the schizo's are. When they are taking their meds and not in a different world, it is amazing how bright they are and how well they get along with the public. I wouldn't change my life with him. We have been together 3 years and married one and a half. I just went through major treatment for HepC and he held up and took care of me through the whole thing. If they are given half the chance, that most people won't give them, they are wonderful. Schizophrenia does NOT mean, "stupid, ignorant, no brains, weird, retarded and on and on" We are the lucky ones, because we gave them a chance and found out who they really are. Aren't we blessed?

Good luck, Sheila

 
Old 09-19-2006, 06:27 AM   #14
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11
ozzmoc HB User
Re: I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

At the end of the day their isnt a clear anwer to any of the questions you asked. but if the love is strong then ur relationship should survie.

Renember take it easy dont be so hard on ur self, try to stick by that person you love, he will need, just like times when you need him.

Take it easy ozzmo.

 
Old 10-01-2006, 02:51 PM   #15
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: usa
Posts: 1
hey_paul HB User
Re: I'm in love with a person who has schizophrenia

My boyfriend of six months recently told me that he has hallucinations and suffers from paranoia. He's only 16 (I'm 15), but he's had these symptoms for about two years... although I'm one of the only people he's told. I'm not entirely sure if what he has is schizophrenia, but I've read up on a lot of the symptoms and they seem to correlate with what he's experiencing. He's never been violent towards me, although he occasionally gets angry when I try to discuss his getting help.
It was incredibly helpful to read these posts and to know that I'm not alone in loving someone who has (or may have) schizophrenia. If you have any advice, it would be very much appreciated.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
In love with a schizophrenic sadomasogis Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 5 07-29-2009 04:09 AM
Schizophrenia and Love? Dark Mind Schizophrenia 4 07-27-2009 05:26 PM
How can I help the one I love? sombereyes1 Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 18 11-25-2008 09:16 PM
Do I have Schizophrenia? Sari05 Schizophrenia 17 09-07-2008 05:15 PM
Schizophrenia and Autoimmune Disease kassy34 Schizophrenia 2 07-23-2006 10:23 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:15 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!