I'm a member of a dating site and a girl has contacted me, and we've decided to start talking on IM.
Now when I read her profile it says on it that she is Schizoaffective and has major depression, and she's alos staying at a halfway house (whatever that is), I think she's nice looking and she seems nice, but I now feel put off because of this. Is she just going to be way messed up? Could she be dangerous at times?
I'm wondering if I should just not bother contacting her again and just move on.
I'm a little surprised that she posted that on her profile, although kudo's to her for her honesty. I don't know that she's dangerous, but she probably will have some problems and I honestly don't know if it's worth getting involved with.
I guess. It's just that it's never been easy for me to get a girl, in fact I'm 31 and never been able to get one before, not even just a fling, so half of me is telling me to get to know her more things might not turn out to be that bad, and the other half is telling me to just forget it and move on.
I'd like to tell you a little about myself as a schizoaffective person in order to answer your question.
I am a first year psychology and sociology student at a small private college. I made the Deans list during my first semester and anticipate making it during this semester. I sit as a delegate on the Student Government Association, sit on the Judicial Board for the college, and am the chairperson of the Grievance Committee for the College. I am currently running for the executive board of the Student Government and if I win I'll be the Vice President of Public Relations. In my free time I volunteer at a Women's Center.
I have been stable for over a year. During that time I have taken my medication, attended therapy, and have not had any depressive or manic episodes or hallucinations or delusions. However I still have the label of schizoaffective and will always have it.
So please dont' assume that just because someone has a label that they are an unstable and violent person. People with mental illnesses can be at all points in their recovery.
I volunteered three days a week for three years in an agency run clubhouse for the mentally ill. The clubhouse had about 100 members most of whom had some form of schizophrenia, and I have never been in a more civilized place in my life. The people there were very sick. Those who needed supervised housing spent their days there, as did those who were required to see their case managers every day.
More than any other thing, I miss going to the clubhouse and visiting with the friends that I made there, but I moved to the west coast for my health.
My advise is to value your friendship with this girl, and do not abandon her just because of a disease. You do not have to fall in love with her, but wouldn't it be nice to have another good friend in this world.
You could meet her first-- there is absolutely no guarantee that the two of you will even have chemistry. Is she dangerous? If you mean physically dangerous, not all SZ people are dangerous, I think the rate of violent crime is something similar to the general population. You can assess that by getting to know her.
But is she emotionally dangerous? Probably, definitely, YES. I knowingly got involved with someone with light SZ, and it was a really horrible experience for me. First of all, he (and a lot of people with SZ) have problems with "theory of mind" which I think means understanding what other people are thinking, why people behave the way they do, and modifying their actions and words towards that. So in practice, this meant that he was totally inconsiderate and said a lot of super ****** things to me, tearing down my self esteem. On the other hand, I treated him with kid gloves, though about him constantly, and never felt relaxed and protected. Second of all, he had paranoia. One day he became convinced that I had betrayed him, and dumped me abruptly. It still hurts me quite a lot now, but sometimes I think that it's actually better this way. I loved him and had I stayed with him I would have become his primary caretaker, because people with SZ need a caretaker. And if you are sane and compassionate, you won't be able to help it because you wil be so sad for your partner.