How do I help my friend...should I even try??/ - Schizophrenia Message Board

ANDREA0621 · 09-24-2007, 05:32 PM

I have been trying to date a schizophrenic for almost a year now...we have been off and on. I didn't understand his illness until recently, his family encouraged me to date him, but didn't tell me what was wrong with him!
Most of the time I just feel like he didn't want me around, or he was just shutting me out, he would go into a different room when I came over, or just sit there and not talk at all...I kept getting the impression that he just hated me and didnt want to be bothered, so I backed off. He drinks and does drugs and now he is going to jail in a few days he got in big trouble, and the police had to tazer him.

Anyway...he was really mean to me at times, we slept together for the first time, and three days later I went to a party with him, and some girl was all over him, and he pretty much tried to have sex with her that night while I was there with him! He also got pretty mean with me a few times,pulling my hair and pushing me. and he went home with another girl while we were out one night with his sister.I backed off totally after that.

Anyway, I heard that he was going to prison, and went to see him one last time. He was on one of his "normal" days, and asked me to write him and visit him while he's in prison. We talked all night and he was like a totally different person...I felt like I connected with him for a while that night.

What do I do...i l do love him and I am willing to walk through this Hell with him...but I dunno how much of this past behaviour is schizo, or if he is just a complete A-hole and I shopuld just let him go????

Please help, this is hurting very bad....

AnnD · 09-24-2007, 05:52 PM

Schizophrenia doesn't come and go ...he is what he has shown you. Some can lead a normal life on medications but your friend apparently doesn't want to take his medications. Once they have him in custody they can force him to take his meds and that is when he seemed normal and for a few moments he was. Of course his parents want you to date their son...they want someone else to take over the burden of them having to. While he is jail/prison or where ever they will be sure he gets his meds but he has shown you what he will do when he is out on his own. Some Schizophrenics prefer not to take their meds as the medication has some serious side effects. The medications make them feel like they are in a fog/groggy. He has been mean and nasty to you so why on earth would you seek out someone like that...it isn't going to change.

ANDREA0621 · 09-26-2007, 04:11 PM

So...this is just him being him???? Sorry,, i'm just really confused by his off and on behaviours. He would ask me if i wanted to go out for the evening, and 10 minutes later he would be in his room with the door shut and that was it.

I really wasn't the nicest person to him when i met him, (I kinda rejected him at first) and I think maybe this way a way of retaliating...showing me that he didn't need me (other women at the bar, ect...) I just couldn't figure out why he was so cruel.

If this is how he truly feels about me, then i will walk away quick, but if I caused it or it's part of the Schizophrenia, I would like to try and fix things between us...he's going to be in jail for awhile, and i will have to move on regardless of how I feel right now, but I would feel awful if he just sat there all alone, (his family is not supportive and in denial) slowly deteriorating in some jail cell with no one to care. As a human being, I cannot let that happen.

lauraz1957 · 09-26-2007, 06:54 PM

my son is schizophrenic and your boyfriend's behavior is the illness. This will never go away, and may worsen at times and require psychiatric treatment. Even on meds, "breaks" can often occur and cause puzzling or even disturbing and threatening behavior. Have you asked yourself what you hope from him? he may be able to give you nothing as in give and take. Can I ask why you're interested in him as a love interest?
He may not even be able to "love". maybe you should ask yourself why you have fallen for someone with such a serious mental illness.

ANDREA0621 · 09-27-2007, 06:23 AM

Well, I have been thinking a lot about this, and the love interest part, well, that's pretty much going to be over regardless, since he is going to be doing some serious time, at least a few years in jail.

I just couldn't understand what was going on....why someone who seems so normal and nice sometimes could turn around and be intentionally so mean and cruel-everytime he was mean and/or cruel he was intoxicated on alcohol, which obviously makes him a LOT worse.

I guess the worst part is the glimpses of the people that they really are without the illness, thats what keeps you hanging on.

I am kinda relieved to know that his behaviour had more to do with his illness than him wanting to intentionally hurt me...if I'm understanding you correctly.
His sister confronted him about the other girls he paraded in front of my face and he said "I dont care how Andrea feels, you should hear how she talks to me sometimes"....when we met, I said a few things to him in anger, because I didn't understand him or the illness of schiz at the time. I have since apologized to him, BTW....

Do you think it would be wrong to write him in prison, just as a friend? I'm not even expecting to get anything out of it at this point, I just want him to know that someone is there for him. I'm afraid that something is going to happen to him....I'm afraid he will commit suicide in there or something.