skid_so

Ive been having these thoughts lately that theres something out to get me. The voices will say its anything from just a monster to god. When I try to go to sleep at night I get up because I cant fall asleep and I feel something moving beside me or things of that nature.
Ive had this problem with sex for awhile now and I get bothered by like anyone. Do you think that could have something to do with this bed monster? Or the fact that something happened to me to cause this bed monster?
Im taking my medication and everything (geodone 80mg 2x a day) Ive only missed it like one day awhile back. I become freaked out by even the smallest things such as the phone ringing because I think its going to be that monster. (You know theres sometimes that long silence before that someone that answers the phone actually speaks....yea well I pretty much have succeded in that area when people call the house. And I wouldnt dare call anyone for like a billion reasons....which Im not going to name.) Well one of them is that Im afraid it will get thier phone number. Ive come to a conclusion that this monster hears my thoughts and knows my desires and this monster can confuse me he uses memories and knowledge aginst me.
Does that even sound like scizophrenia?
My theropist says Im just depressed and are having delusions and stuff. But Ive had evil intentions toward her( I wanted to super glue her *** to her chair) Childish huh? My mothers about had enough of her talking alone with me because its driving her insane to think that theres things she needs to know and she feels like shes not being told. (Im thinking she should join the club . We have t-shirts and they say: Thanks to theropy Ive learned more false information about myslef than I ever told.) Im just saying its so funny how doctors think they can just diagnose you because youre having these three little symptoms. And you dont even get to tell them what having the symptoms is like. I mean isnt that what the hell theropist get paid for so you can ***** to them or work out your problem? I mean Ive been in theropy for 9 years and am still unhappy... now about the fact that Im in theropy.
How can I keep a close relationship with my mother without seeming like Dr.Jekel and Mr.Hyde? One minute I really want to do things for her and I dont think she understands this(my good intentions and all). I think if she was told that I want to do those things for her she would say I should be doing it for myself. Then the next minute I go on this selfish kick where Im all that matters because I dont tell her about what I see or hear.(I mean the other day I said I was seeing things and she let me stay home from school for like two days. She dosent really know how to deal with whats happening to me. And I feel like Im the only one that knows whats best for me sometimes(even though I know I dont). I know its wrong because she trys her best to help so much but sometimes I feel like my lifes in danger and telling my mother about it just dosent seem like the best plan.....im not sure why. But what do you think I can do to help my mother? Since nobody else in this world seems able to.