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Old 02-18-2008, 12:25 AM   #1
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brandonsmom777 HB User
Question Schizophrenia or new OCD obsession????

Hello, my name is Ashley and I'm fairly new to this board. I'm extremely nervous right now and my anxiety is somewhat high but I'm thinking this is a good thing becuase I'm obviously discussing some needed issue. I've been diagnosed with OCD since I was a child and I'm not going to go into great detail as to the extent of my obsessions I do know that the diagnosis is clear. However, throughout the last few months I've been experiencing new symptoms that have been frightening me and I cannot tell for sure whether or not it's OCD or in fact something else. I pray it's OCD. my OCD usually manifests itself in the form of a particular thought or worry that preoccupies my thoughts for days, months or even years. Before all of this started happening my latest was an obsession with brain tumors, but with the help of the CBT that obsession is gone. I am a mother and a wife and I've been getting these horrible thoughts and feelings that I don't really love my son or my husband, that I am starting to lose my connection with them and they're going to start sensing my withdrawl. I want to cry even by writing that and the thoughts give me much distress. When I leave school (I'm in college) for the day and am on my way to pick up my son I get thoughts that I didn't miss him or that I love the other children in his class more than I love him. I', so afraid to tell anyone these specific thoughts in the fear they'd think I was a horrible mother so I'm becoming socially withdrawn in a sense. This is not what I want. my husband is in Mexico and we're in the process of getting his green card, but with him gone I often wonder if I'll forget who he is or what he looks like. These thoughts also cause me great distress. I sought help for my condition about 1 1/2 years ago when I started thinking that God wanted me to get tested for HIV (I'd also been worrying about AIDS) the thought would not go away and caused so much stress on my life that I had to seek help. I was put on medication which helped but soon afterward I would tolerate the meds and need more or a different type. I've become fed up with meds and just recently (1 week) ago I quit taking the 50 mg of zoloft I was on becuase I felt like it made me confused and it made me feel emotionless. I constantly worry that I don't have emotions and that I might turn into a person without morals. I give myself little "tests" in my head to test my motives for all things. The reason why I contemplate schizo. is that i feel confused much of the time, depressed, apathetic sometimes (but I care so much at other times I could explode!!!) things seem loud to me...like when I'm driving with the windows down and I hear the engine in my car I concentrate on just that and zone out for a minute and have to snap myself back into the moment. I feel like being "normal" is a constant battle minute to minute and I fear that one of these days I'm just gonna lose my mind!!! I pray to God that does not happen, I have my little son to think about and all I want in this life is to be a mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy person so that I can raise him right, teach him the right things and also reach out to help others. I'm sorry to ramble on like this, I guess I didn't really realize how much I had to say....I should also mention that I am in a OCD support group and do explain my symptoms and thoughts and the two Doctors that coach both agree that my OCD is manifesting itself in a different way right now other than worrying about my health. My psyciatrist also told me that I did not have schizophrenia and that they are constantly monitoring patients to see "potential" cases for other mental disorders. They have been saying that they think I may be ADD-which I cannot entirely disagree but I think I can live with that. I am pretty biased on taking meds, mostly because of the ridicule and lack of understanding of mental illness from people I look up to in my family, and I know that's weak. But, from personal experience, sometimes the meds make my seem worse. I'm 22 years old and am in college and need a clear mind to concentrate. Thanks for reading my post and I'm not really sure what I'm expecting back from anyone, maybe I just needed to write....

Last edited by brandonsmom777; 02-18-2008 at 12:20 PM.

 
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Old 02-18-2008, 11:47 PM   #2
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velvet rose HB User
Re: Schizophrenia or new OCD obsession????

If you post this in the OCD section, you'll probably get more responses.

First off, you say that you stopped taking your zoloft. It sounds that you stopped taking it abruptly instead of weaning yourself off of it the proper way and without doctor's advice and supervision. Stopping your medication abruptly can cause withdrawal symptoms, thus making your anxiety and obsessions worse if not unbearable. Your dose of zoloft was way too low for it to be effective for your ocd. WAY too low. I can't stress this enough. Some medications can make you feel emotionally numb and sometimes not being on the right dosage and right medication can make you feel emotionally numb. You have to get the right combination in order for you to start feeling better. If you cannot tolerate meds then therapy is also successful for people with ocd.

The fear of schizophrenia is a VERY common fear of ocd sufferers. I don't think you have schizophernia, it's just your ocd. Not only is your ocd obsessing that you might have schizophrenia, you are confusing your ocd symptoms with schizophrenia symptoms (many people with ocd do this).

It sounds to me that you know you have ocd and are seeking help. I hope you start feeling better soon.

 
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