ummyeahjustdoit

over the course of the last few months my life in a word has been hectic people dieing people thinking they're going to die people saying they want to die and people that are going to die its all i seem to notice these days (probably along with various other things my memory's strange unstimulated) ..which when i look back really isn't that bad nothings that bad after its already happened
but despite all this stress Ive noticed that in regards to my supposed schizophrenia some of my psychotic symptoms have started to clear up and others have became worse
the voices i used to hear nearly non stop are now stress related and easily manageable i now get visual hallucinations more often which are sometimes pretty weird like a different consciousness like your there but not paying attention even if some of them look like badly augmented trickery it can still be pretty cool even when they're supposed to be scary especially if sound plays a part in the situation
but the worst part would be when i get an overwhelming feeling something bads going to happen like someone or something trying to kill me and the only way to get past it is to accept it and move on just keep walking would be the phrase that best befits it..unlike previous psychotic episodes when young where they would just stop when i found somewhere safe
i find it laughable that schitzo is shrouded in a mystery that everyone has like normal people commenting on something that hasn't happened yet which they have no knowledge an example"i think something bads gonna happen" how many of those fluke story's exist and schitzos walk around calling themselves physic because they guessed an event or enlightened because they're brained connectivity problem causes something akin to religious experience in my opinion its gonna be in a pill if it isn't already..
but i definitely find the condition more manageable than it was originally the classical schizophrenic symptoms are definitely a thing of the past i hope(e.g.talking to tv,talking to animals,grandeur speaking in rhymes that sorta thing )
im just sat here wondering is this progress towards complete relapse or remission ill admit there are times where i wish i had a sound recording device just to make sure but personality wise i feel like im getting better all the time things ive done in the past while lost in it seem to become inconceivable but later become understandable its odd or the way i get memory's shoved in my face if im happy they're happy memory's if im depressed they're pretty bad
i might even be bipolar or schizo affective i remember several manic depressions and might even be rapid cycling if i had the faintest idea how to define and analyze it
but yeah perhaps i just really am crazy with a diminished brain power,ability to make desisions,attention span,ability to be nice to be around,creativity and the fact that a healthy relationship is hardly possible anymore
but then again i don't make jokes because im sick of watching other people profit from them