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Old 09-29-2009, 01:12 AM   #1
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Paranoia

Hello - PLEASE reply to this. I don't care how large of small the replies are; I'm in need of a few answers to my great many questions...


I have paranoid ideations all the time. I have spoken on these forums already about having been diagnosed with psychosis NOS, (Not Otherwise Specified) meaning - I have been diagnosed as having psychosis but the doctors cannot decipher which illness... (Schizophrenia / Bipolar, etc)

Anyways; I'm sick of this psychiatry crap - I've been seeing psychiatrists for over 3 years - I've tried many different medications / treatments, you all know how it is... Even if you dont - I'm sure you understand the frustration - especially when you're having a hard time living with these paranoid thoughts...



Okay - SO; I think too much. I get anxious because I think too much - and slowly I become paranoid. I become paranoid about people thinking I am gay. That has happened MANY times now. It always seems to be the same thing too - I always think people think I'm gay... I've never ACTUALLY figured out if people were thinking that I was gay - BUT; its frustrating because I actually believe people hate me - or talk about me, etc...

One piece of advice people have shared with me, is to remind myself that I am simply, "NOT THAT IMPORTANT," to have everyone talking about me all the time... This works sometimes - but not all the time...

I find that these paranoid thoughts always get the best of me. I somehow - most of the time; find a way through them and I don't let it get me completely down... However - whenever it happens - I'm always on the lookout for what people are thinking / doing - that pertains to my paranoid nature. My thoughts speed up the moment something seems, "fishy," and suddenly its like all my conscious awareness, and insight into my paranoid problems - disappears... I get sucked into my own thoughts - and it DRIVES ME NUTS! And it drives my family and friends nuts!

Sometimes; I'll catch glimpses; as if I'm wrong about everything and all is well... I haven't had that in a long time - but MAN; I would love to experience those feelings once again... Its literally my only issue in life - and its holding me back from doing and being all that I can be. This is SO frustrating! Wherever I go - whenever I go; this problem always follows me. I know its not other people... But when I'm paranoid - its as if every time I've ever been paranoid comes back to life - and it verifies the current situation / circumstance; that I'm currently in...

I have pushed alot of people away because of this - and I have lost alot of respect in the eyes of my family... I hope to get this all back; but I know its not easy to change what other people think of me... And once again - that is MY problem... I always feel as though people think something about me that isn't true... And because of this - I get paranoid and I start to react to, "paranoid thoughts..."

< edited >

My QUESTION is this - I'm currently off of medications; and I'm getting paranoid thoughts. Regardless if they're paranoid delusions or not - I don't really care. As far as I'm concerned it isn't the DSM-IV that tells me if I'm delusional or not - it is a doctor trained with made up diagnosis's that tells me what I have. I just want to know - how to get these paranoid thoughts under control... I don't want to take medications anymore; my symptoms are not THAT severe - when I took the medications I got even more symptoms anyways... I'm asking if anyone knows of any methods of treatment / therapy that could help me get around my paranoid thoughts!

Thanks,
8800gts

Last edited by hb-mod; 10-01-2009 at 01:30 AM. Reason: Please do not copy and paste from other sites. Thanks!

 
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Old 10-02-2009, 12:44 PM   #2
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Re: Paranoia

Well, I'm not assuming that you use drugs, but if you're smoking pot, stop. It'll make you paranoid. Also, I don't know how old you may be, but if you're a teenager, paranoid thoughts about the opinions of others just comes with being that age. However if it's extreme, this paranoia, I can tell you that I've been through it. It could take a while, but if you're lucky, by the time your out of school you'll begin to relax and the thoughts will go away. The last thing I can really tell you from my own experience is that you need to keep a check on your heart. It may seem like the thoughts are happening in your head, however this is a very widespread misconception. If you observe a little closer you'll find that every thought comes from the heart. And so if you are able to mentally keep a kind of block on your heart you may find relief from some of these thoughts. And also, if you're not only experiencing thoughts but also feelings as a result of these thoughts the act of concentrating your mental energy on your heart will settle these things down as well. So, I hope you can take something from what I've just written. Best of luck.

 
Old 10-02-2009, 04:00 PM   #3
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Re: Paranoia

Hey - Thanks Hathada - for your reply.

I read carefully through what you said; it seems like you know alot about these kinds of thoughts. I'm sorry you have to go through them. You worded your own personal experience with paranoid thoughts - as if they had already past... Is this true? Do you continue to get them on a regular basis? If so - how often? If not - how did you get rid of them?

You mentioned that age has alot to do with this... I suppose you're right. I'm 22 years old - still young compared to majority of peoples... However; I've thought these specific paranoid thoughts over and over again - usually whenever I'm thrown into a situation where I'm meeting lots of new people, or when I'm with family and friends.

I never heard the term, "It comes from the heart, not the mind," I suppose its hard for me to imagine that my heart is telling me lies - when I've depended on my heart for so long - to get my mind off paranoid thoughts. Could you talk more about this? I'm interested to hear what you have to say about it. I'm in no way saying I disagree - I'm just curious as to why you look at things this way.

Thanks again for the reply - I get really paranoid - and I continually do. Its like; sometimes when I'm sitting alone - something, someone said to me; or just the way they acted, will start to bring about thoughts that pertain to, "People not liking me, people not enjoying me, etc..." It really bothers me because I'm so convinced of this - yet I know its rarely true. Anxiety sets in and usually I'm alone when I feel this way - so there's no one to talk to. Naturally - I become convinced that these thoughts are real; that people done like me. And I call the people who the paranoia is derived from. I end up upsetting everyone and I end up being alone... Again...

Please reply,
thanks,
8800gts

 
Old 10-03-2009, 09:22 AM   #4
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Re: Paranoia

Hello again,

I'm now 28 as of October 16th, and my paranoia began at about the age of 14. I developed a quite severe case of classic bodily dysmorphia. < edited >

So, my whole neurosis was based around my nose. I hated the thing. I would spend a lot of my time just analyzing my nose, finding every imperfection about it. And then when I was around people I felt ugly, and paranoid, and inferior. For three years straight without one day of relief I had this feeling. And then I overcame it when I moved into a dorm at the University. I think I was able to overcome it because I felt more comfortable with the people around me and I was able to trust them. But at times, when I had the paranoia, I was afraid to be in crowds. This was so bad at times that if I was at, say, McDonald's standing in line, I would not be able to move my head at all. I didn't want to see anyone around me because I had this overwhelming belief that they were out to judge me. Of course the truth of the matter was they really didn't give a damn. I could only look forward.

Today I rarely feel any paranoia. I'm not confident about my looks but I know I'm not ugly and I could care less about what people think of my nose. Then again, I know that a person's appearance is one of the first things people notice about others. But for me, I'll talk to anyone regardless of their appearance. I'd get to know them before I decide whether or not I like the person. So, anyhow. I can't really tell you how to overcome the thoughts, but I remember quite clearly that once I became really close to my first girlfriend I gained a lot of confidence and security. So maybe it would help you to find someone you can become good friends with.

About the heart...Well, I spent about an entire year in hospital listening to voices in my head. It's a long story, but for the two years or so that I had voices I was constantly trying to stop them...trying to block them...and I would mostly do this by centering my attention on the middle of my brain, which was where I felt the voices were coming from. I assumed that this center in my brain was my mind.

However, it never managed to work. So, eventually (after going off my meds) I landed in hospital. Day after day I would hear horrible things coming from a source I could not control. Eventually I was put in this certain Institution for the insane. It was the kind of place where the mentally ill would live out the rest of their days. After four months none of the anti psychotic medications were working. But I noticed that Ativan was the only medicine that ever made a difference in the level and intensity of the voices. So I asked to be put on Clonazepam three times a day. Clonazepam is a similar drug to Ativan but less addictive and longer lasting.

Now by this time I had reasoned that the whole mess of delusion and deception that this voice was killing me with was coming from my heart. So I decided to put all my concentration on my heart center (which is also considered a chakra center in the Kundalini system. You might want to read up on Kundalini if you have time. You might find it interesting to know that people who open up their heart chakras often begin to hear voices). So I did this and instead of hearing the voice say things like, "You're a piece of ****," and so on, I heard, "Damn! I can't get him." And the result was that every time the voice tried to insert a thought into me I went to my heart center and stopped it dead in it's tracks. Soon after the intensity of the voice went down and I heard him less often. Four weeks later I was able to leave the Institution. It's been a year since then and I basically live a very normal life.

The only thing I can say for sure is that paying constant attention to my heart was the one thing that made it possible for me to live a semi-normal life. Scientists will and must assume that there is a clear-cut mechanism for the production of schizophrenic thought. The fact that they naively think the mechanism lies in the brain is unfortunate and disturbing considering their own mis-guided convictions about the condition and the often devastating effects of the medicines they have produced to treat it. The real mechanism for schizophrenia is in the heart. It sounds hard to believe but it's actually the case. The secrets of the heart are quite amazing. The physical heart is only the host for the spiritual heart. The spiritual heart has never stopped beating since the dawn of time. In fact, every thing that has ever happened to you in this life and every single life that you have lived before is recorded like the words of a book in the spiritual essence that the heart leaves like a trail as it forever pumps and beats, and pumps and beats.

< edited >

I apologize for the length of this post. As it is, I must be going now. I hope to continue talking with you. It has been interesting. Take care,

Last edited by hb-mod; 10-03-2009 at 01:41 PM. Reason: Please don't post disallowed websites, or copy and paste from another website, as per Posting Policy. Thanks.

 
Old 10-03-2009, 10:01 AM   #5
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Re: Paranoia

Hi. Sorry. I just thought there was one important point I could make about the whole thing, just to tie things up.

So, maybe the thing about paranoia is that we are making associations that just aren't true. Like when you're in a situation with other people where you have to be close to them even though you don't know them you get an overwhelming feeling of awkwardness. So just assume for the moment that past life recollections are a reality and that they are a record of your everlasting spiritual heart. In a way we can say that all of our associations come from the heart. So, I'm just saying that the heart is the association function of the body.

When you concentrate on your heart you relieve any tension or any tendency to cling that might be in there. In a way, also, you are releasing your own inclinations towards egotism.

Take this for example. Say you're sitting in a chair in a food court and you find that every time a person walks by you immediately want to look at them to see how they appear or try to find out whether or not they are checking you out. But, I think you would find as I have found, that if you concentrate on your heart the tendency to cling, and check, and want to know, is not as strong when you're around others. People will just go by and so will time. So supposing that you are focused on your heart, I can almost guarantee you that if even a beautiful woman walks by you will find your self uninterested in what she's wearing. By controlling your heart center you will tame your own tendencies to cling and assume and associate, thus ending the false beliefs about your self, and thus canceling the paranoia.

"An open heart will set you free."
-Molingna

Last edited by hathada; 10-03-2009 at 10:02 AM. Reason: missed a comma

 
Old 10-08-2009, 03:53 PM   #6
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Re: Paranoia

Thank you so much for the reply! I appreciate it alot!

Wow - thanks for making things clear for me to understand; from your point of view. I really took in what you had to share - thanks for trusting this anonymous forum! I think alot of people will benefit if they should stumble on this thread and hear what you've said. So thank you.

I gotta say - its interesting what you said about the, "heart," and how it is the problem where paranoia exists... I honestly never looked at it that way. Never - I always thought it was the mind. Of course I know what you mean by spirituality and physical heart - theres a difference. Thanks for explaining it clearly enough for me to understand.

Im sorry that you had to spend time in the hospital. Its sad to hear - but from what you've stated on here; it sounds like you're off to a good start in finding out exactly what you, "yourself," need to discover. Paranoia is tough to deal with. I'm sorry you dealt with thoughts of inferiority - unforunately I do know how that feels. Its a tough one, and I hope to find some kind of answer (Even if its temporary) so that I can get alittle bit of peace like you've seemed to have discovered.

I'll look into that thing you mentioned. I'll have to look at the post again - but anything that could help me is worth looking into. So thank you for that as well. I'll keep you posted on what happens with it all.



I got another question if you don't mind... I got a ton of questions - I just dont know how to word them yet... Hopefully in time I can get a better understanding of how word really deep questions...

"Do you get lonely?"

One of the products of my paranoia is sadly; a reaction to those thoughts outwards to the people who are closest to me. Unfortunately I damage relationships and people walk away from me... This is something that has happened for nearly 5 years - and its daunting... Wherever I go - these paranoid thoughts follow me... Do you ever get lonely?

Thanks for your time,

8800gts

 
Old 10-10-2009, 09:47 AM   #7
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Re: Paranoia

Honestly, I've never been all that lonely, with an exception. As a kid I was an only child so I learned to amuse my self and occupy my time however I could. As a teenager I had good friends. In University I met my first real girlfriend and I was very happy. When she broke up with me I guess you could say I began to feel lonely. However, I think I was denying the fact. But to be frank, the loneliness I began to feel after we stopped talking was beyond just feeling sorry for my self. But, uh. Funny. That's how it started. It started by feeling sorry for my self. Then I thought "the world would end" which is an understatement that only people who've gone through psychosis can appreciate fully. What I mean is that I began experiencing Annihilation Anxiety. It's not a pretty picture. In between attacks of Annihilation Anxiety my world was completely empty. No meaning. I had to create my own meaning which was impossible to do and so I became delusional in order to cope with the stress of living in this make shift mock show universe. So, truthfully, I did feel lonely in my life for about four months and then I ended up with a headache that lasted four years. When that went away I ended up with voices in my head that lasted another two or three years. And then I met my girlfriend last year and we've quickly transitioned into complete emptiness, excuse me, independence, and I'm really never lonely. I'm always busy and I've finally assumed the responsibilities of taking care of my self and my house and my cat and my things and so on and so forth. So...dunno...things are okay with me. You need to be patient. Eventually, if it's meant to be you'll meet the person that will mean everything to you. If it's meant to be.

 
Old 10-25-2009, 10:14 PM   #8
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Re: Paranoia

Thanks for that Hathada - I learn alot hearing from other people.

I suppose my biggest issue; is feeling alone and confused about what it is that I'm supposed to do in life. Sometimes it seems all so clear but other times its non-existant. Its like - I have moments of clarity; and those moments I feel so good... Then I get moments when I'm completely confused - its like I have multiple perspectives on life... I honestly don't know what triggers the sudden changes - BUT; its SO hard to keep going because it changes so often. At times I wonder if I'm going insane...

Anyways, I am in my early 20's - and I really have not had a girlfriend in my life - its quite hilarious because I'm still searching for someone who is, "genuine," enough for me to handle. I can't stand having people around with private agenda's and things like that because my mind tells me they're dating me for, "BAD," reasons. Its hard.

I suppose I keep getting myself into codependant relationships - BUT; those relationships are necessary for me to live a fullfilled life with happiness. Its like - whenever I'm away from people for a long time; I get REALY scared and anxious in social situations. Once I'm forced into social situations for awhile - I get right back in the swing of things and open up. I often open up too much and make really close friends - whom I become codependant with. A few months or years will be fine and dandy; BUT; eventually I fight and then I end up getting into a huge messy relationship which suddenly becomes a part of my cycles.

I've done this many times and it bothers me. I always think people are thinking things about me - I always suspect they don't like me. I often times believe that these things are true; and I HAVE even gone to the extent of it being 100% truth. Its tough. I really hope to find a way to deal with this - and perhaps; as you have stated - getting a close girlfriend will help me deal with these sorts of uncertainties.

Thanks,
8800gts

 
Old 10-28-2009, 12:52 PM   #9
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Re: Paranoia

Fer Shure. Having a girlfriend will take away a lot of those insecurities about people thinking things about you or not liking you. I was the same way. I had no control over it, but I was preoccupied with my looks a lot of time. But if you meet that girl you'll overcome the insecurity. I'm in my late 20's. I've learned about people in large groups, that either they don't have any opinion about you, or they do, and in that case, it really shouldn't bother you. This doesn't mean I'm as care free as I want to be. I wish I could take off my clothes anywhere I wanted to or make a joke that's completely inappropriate, but just barely innocent enough for everyone to have a laugh. But, you know, everyone has their vanity.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 8800GTS View Post
Thanks for that Hathada - I learn alot hearing from other people.

I suppose my biggest issue; is feeling alone and confused about what it is that I'm supposed to do in life. Sometimes it seems all so clear but other times its non-existant. Its like - I have moments of clarity; and those moments I feel so good... Then I get moments when I'm completely confused - its like I have multiple perspectives on life... I honestly don't know what triggers the sudden changes - BUT; its SO hard to keep going because it changes so often. At times I wonder if I'm going insane...

Anyways, I am in my early 20's - and I really have not had a girlfriend in my life - its quite hilarious because I'm still searching for someone who is, "genuine," enough for me to handle. I can't stand having people around with private agenda's and things like that because my mind tells me they're dating me for, "BAD," reasons. Its hard.

I suppose I keep getting myself into codependant relationships - BUT; those relationships are necessary for me to live a fullfilled life with happiness. Its like - whenever I'm away from people for a long time; I get REALY scared and anxious in social situations. Once I'm forced into social situations for awhile - I get right back in the swing of things and open up. I often open up too much and make really close friends - whom I become codependant with. A few months or years will be fine and dandy; BUT; eventually I fight and then I end up getting into a huge messy relationship which suddenly becomes a part of my cycles.

I've done this many times and it bothers me. I always think people are thinking things about me - I always suspect they don't like me. I often times believe that these things are true; and I HAVE even gone to the extent of it being 100% truth. Its tough. I really hope to find a way to deal with this - and perhaps; as you have stated - getting a close girlfriend will help me deal with these sorts of uncertainties.

Thanks,
8800gts

 
Old 10-28-2009, 12:56 PM   #10
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Re: Paranoia

Speaking about being inappropriate, I wanted to mention this about guys meeting girls. On some sphere it's biochemical. So the major attraction is the testosterone in the man's scent. This can be detected, unconsciously, by women at very wide ranges and spans. So, I'm not saying anything about you, so please don't get me wrong, but I'm convinced that by decreasing the frequency of masturbation men can increase their levels of testosterone and increase their chances of meeting the woman they're meant to be with. So, for what it's worth, there's my two cents.

Last edited by hathada; 10-29-2009 at 09:58 AM. Reason: It's nothing I've found, I'm just convinced of the fact.

 
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