I read a post "Do I Still Have It?" from a while back.
I was wondering the exact same thing. I've been taking medication for schizophrenia and depression since I was 19. I haven't had any symptoms for about 2 years. So, I cut my Clozaril dose a while back from 600mg/day to 400mg/day, then I cut it to 200mg/day for 3-4 months, then 6 weeks ago I stopped it completely. I haven't had any symptoms. So I'm sorta wondering..."Do I Still Have It?" It's wonderful to be symptom and side-effect free for 5 weeks. But in the back of my mind I'm also sorta wondering..."Am I a total idiot for stopping my medication?"
So, my questions are: Do I Still Have It? Am I A Total Idiot For Stopping My Medication?
I can tell you this My friend goes in and out of episodes.You need to know if you have it youll always have it.The problem being when you start to get sick (as I call it) Their is no reasoning in her brain to start her med again.She thinks eveyone is poisoning her.Then she gets deeper and deeper losing all touch with reality.then gets commited and is convinced to start her meds again.When she is feeling better she start to go off them again it is a cycle. Please continue on with your meds.
After I read your post I decided to do some research. I followed a link to a psychiatry book on Amazon. There was a 3 page section that described exactly what I'm thinking in regards to my meds. Unfortunately, it was in the "schizophrenia patients who stop their meds because they are delusional" section of the book. According to that book I'm not symptom free because it described my thinking as delusional. That aside, I couldn't find one source...and I looked really, really hard...that supports my logic of stopping my meds because I'm symptom free. They all say the same thing you say "if you have it, you'll always have it." The biggest reason for relapse is someone stopping their meds.
I haven't seen my doctor for a long time. When I first started seeing him I gave him the wrong dose of Clozaril. If he would have looked at my medical records from my previous clinic he would have known that I lowered my dose by 200mg/day. He's an idiot who I don't trust so I lie to him all the time. He has no clue.
I decided I need to find a doctor I can trust so that I don't lie. (I lie to people I don't trust.) I called one today to make an appointment so I can start taking my meds again. I'm going to have to start weekly blood draws for 6 months...err. I really don't like having to take them, but maybe it's better for me to take them than not take them.