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Old 12-08-2009, 01:33 PM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: california
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egirll HB User
Help.

I really dont know whats wrong with me. I'm seventeen, and I've been in and out of mental hospitals and nothing has helped. I'm, starting to feel hopeless. I'm always worried that people are out to get me, that they are going to hurt me, that they're laughing at me and judging me. I can't even go out in public. I hear voices and they tell me what the people are thinking, and it's usually bad. Depending on what the voices say, will depend on how my day will be. Sometimes they tell me they love me, and the days okay. But then sometimes they are mean. They tell me I should just kill myself. That nothings ever going to get better. They tell me I'm pathetic and all sorts of things. It makes me so depressed. Sometimes when they tell me to cut I have to do it. Or scratch myself, pull out my hair. I can never stay still.
My moods always changing, in the split of a second. I'll be so happy, and the next minute, I just want to die, and the next im so mad. It's weird. I think about hurting people to. I can control it though. Instead I'll get so angry, I'll break everything, I'll scream, I'll trash the room. Sometimes it doesn't even feel like its me in my body. Its someone else. I act different, with different people. I get headaches all the time, my mind is racing and it never stops, to the point where I cant sleep. The voices are begginning to get more common. They show me how to manipulate people, they like when I hurt people emotionally. Especially my bf. I hate doing this to him. I cant control it! I've been diagnosed with PTSD, and depression but this is more then that. I have schizophrenic tendencies, or something of that sort? I am on no medication. I'm turning 18 soon, I have no insurance, I can't do things on my own, so I don't even know where to get help for this? The only thing that ever helped me were the hospitals. But I dont want to end up there again, I just cant deal with all this anymore. I hate it so much. I cant talk to my parents about it, they dont get it. And like I said Im almost 18.
Is a mental hospital my only choice? The only way I can get in there is for an attempt, I cant just go and check in. This is all so complicated. Sorry I dont make sense. I just have a feeling that Im going to hit rock bottom soon. I dont want to hurt anyone. I dont want to be like this.

 
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Old 12-09-2009, 08:56 PM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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cstreet HB User
Re: Help. I Know what ur going thru

Hi, I am Bipolar Manic Depressive with schizophrenic tendencies. These are the exact symptoms that I experience. My first suggestion is to find someone in your life that enables you to have more patience or what not than normal person that you will allow your worst tendencies come out. That inner strength that I get is from my step mom when I am around her it is if I am completely rational. Although when I am around someone who loves me with out a doubt it is as if I display my worst symptoms on this person who is always around trying to be there for me I am always sabatoging the situation. It all starts with a negative thought or an embarrassing situation, then my mind runs wild with delusional thoughts ranging from wicked, negative, suicidal, jelous, embarrassed, revengeful, like someone is against me and I have to gear up for war. The most important thing is to take it one moment at a time right when that feeling or thought comes on address it out loud as comely as you can pretty soon you will get better and better one thought can end a lifetime saga dont feed into negativity fight back with positive thoughts if someone is in their you r too and your argument can be a positive argument. I take a mood stabelizer their are many to try and trial is not easy stick thru till you find one that works for u Like you said u dont have insurance when I was pregnant I refused to take psych. meds I took an organic mood stabilizer called flax seed oil I took One table spoon a day and did not experience any mania. U get it at right aid or gmc ask someone they will help. It taste terrible but I chased it with soda it is a literal oil dont let the taste stop you from getting the help u deserve. cafeine is bad in the evening a light sleeping pill for a little while to adjust to a schedule. good luck Hang in there w/b[/B][/I][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

 
Old 12-09-2009, 08:59 PM   #3
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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cstreet HB User
Re: Help.

I noticed that was ur first post ur n cali and ur female that is my situation as well It feels good to comfort and support but believe me I have problems i need to address as well

 
Old 12-14-2009, 08:57 PM   #4
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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egirll HB User
Re: Help. I Know what ur going thru

Quote:
Originally Posted by cstreet View Post
It all starts with a negative thought or an embarrassing situation, then my mind runs wild with delusional thoughts ranging from wicked, negative, suicidal, jelous, embarrassed, revengeful, like someone is against me and I have to gear up for war.
That is exactly what happens! Wow, it sucks that you go through it too, but at least I know I'm not alone. It's comforting.

 
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