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Old 01-25-2010, 02:03 PM   #1
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Mild Schizophrenia without Hallucinations (most of the time)

I know that no one here can diagnose. I just want to get some opinions and find out if anyone has similar experiences.

I have been diagnosed with bipolar, but I have been paranoid and grandiose all of my life, regardless of my mood. The only time I don't feel these things is during the deepest depressions when I don't feel much of anything.

I have been having some weird thoughts lately such as wondering if my entire life is a hallucination and i am still at the hospital. I have been using thoughts of bed checks and staff asking me questions to make sure I am OK to help me get to sleep. It occurred to me last night that I might actually be there under heavy sedation and all of this is a dream like hallucination.

Then today I was driving to pick my son up from school and I felt like I wasn't myself. I felt like I was a cartoon character that is on a show my son watches. I was seeing the world as this character would see the world.

I haven't been taking care of myself lately. It just doesn't occur to me to shower and get dressed. I feel like "life" gets in the way of what I really want to do. I just want to be alone and think, read and write.

I feel energies from people, almost to the point where I can feel what they are thinking based on that energy. It scares me sometimes because i feel that they are judging or hating me. When strangers are around on my street, I sometimes think they are going to kill me. I have ideas that wires will come down in a storm and hit my car. I can feel energies from houses and I can tell which houses contain happiness ans which ones contain pain and suffering.

I've talked to my therapist about these things but it has been in pieces over the past year. My p-doc is new to me, so she doesn't have the whole story either. Frankly, I sould be embarrassed to share some of this with her because she sees me as a very "down to earth" bipolar person. I have a hard time with people's images of me.

I did have an episode where I heard a voice say "Hey" and two other voices talking, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. That has been my only auditory hallucination other than when I was a child and I heard my grandfather calling my name late at night.

I am not tortured by most of these things, but the paranoia and social anxiety and desire to be alone get in the way of living.

Has anyone diagnoses with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder had experiences like mine?

 
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Old 01-25-2010, 04:38 PM   #2
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Re: Mild Schizophrenia without Hallucinations (most of the time)

As for anxiety I feel I suffered from anxiety when I was an adolescent or young adult but as I grew older I became more calm and more resilient to stress.

As for mood swings I dont experience that so I can't understand you, but I advice you to try to chill out and relax. Things are not always it first appears to be. Even if things seem bad at the moment , a moment later you will feel better regardless, if you just forget about it.

Just chill out and don't take too much notice and over time you will have good days and bad days but you won't die. Just relax. I don't think you suffer from hallucinations, it's just mainly other stuff you've mentioned.

 
Old 01-27-2010, 07:08 AM   #3
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Re: Mild Schizophrenia without Hallucinations (most of the time)

Quote:
Originally Posted by koolguy View Post
As for anxiety I feel I suffered from anxiety when I was an adolescent or young adult but as I grew older I became more calm and more resilient to stress.

As for mood swings I dont experience that so I can't understand you, but I advice you to try to chill out and relax. Things are not always it first appears to be. Even if things seem bad at the moment , a moment later you will feel better regardless, if you just forget about it.

Just chill out and don't take too much notice and over time you will have good days and bad days but you won't die. Just relax. I don't think you suffer from hallucinations, it's just mainly other stuff you've mentioned.

 
Old 01-27-2010, 07:23 AM   #4
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Re: Mild Schizophrenia without Hallucinations (most of the time)

I feel exactly the same way. My antipsychotic helps with this (geodon)

About the voices and fibes you get from others and houses and things, to some extent this is true. We pick up on others vibes and personally I put words to them and I would think I was reading peoples mind. My p doc walked me through a lot of this. He said all of this is ambiguous and you never can know what another is thinking. I still get paranoid wondering if its real or If I'm experiencing a feeling of my own making (tactile halluation). I don't always know whats real and what's not. My new p doc doesn't call it psychosis but it sure feels like it. I'm scared most of the time. Anyway I hope this made sence. It's so hard understanding everyone's delusions and psychosis because we're all different. Take care!

 
Old 01-27-2010, 04:57 PM   #5
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Re: Mild Schizophrenia without Hallucinations (most of the time)

I have had paranoia where I think someone is going to hurt me or kill me, that I am being followed, that the government is bugging our house etc etc. I have had thoughts of harming and self harming. I used to get frantic if something was out of place. I found a pop can in my yard once so I threw a hamburger beside it. Then I found the hamburger and thought someone else put it there so I threw a whole box of hamburgers on the deck. When I went shopping I would give my kids alias so noone would reconise our names. All of this stuff is embarassing. If I found something that was out of place I would think someone put it there on purpose and would find some significant reason why it was there. I have not had anything like this happen in years since I went on Paroxitine and Risperdal. Thank goodness medication works. I used to get extremely sensitive to other peoples pain too.

Last edited by Gia029; 01-27-2010 at 04:57 PM.

 
Old 03-07-2010, 10:49 AM   #6
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Re: Mild Schizophrenia without Hallucinations (most of the time)

Yes, I've been DXed as schizoaffective and I've experienced a lot of these things you've been going through. I'm also DXed with dissocitive disorders such as depersonalization which sounds like some of your symptoms. I have little understanding of this stuff but I would d*****ately start opening up with you tdoc and pdoc. Maybe your tdoc can work with your pdoc. Mine are in the same office and are able to do this. Please start opening up. I write letters and give them to them if I can't talk about it.

 
Old 04-17-2010, 06:42 PM   #7
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Re: Mild Schizophrenia without Hallucinations (most of the time)

My symptoms are coming back. I am very paranoid lately and my p-doc is at the center of many of my feelings. She is inconsistent and strange so i think she is trying to make me question myself. I think she is tryiing to make me crazy. She quoted a conversation we never had. Also, I have been scratching my skin on my arms until I bleed. I did it twice in the last month or so.

Yesterday, I thought I felt bugs on me. I made my husband check my hair because I thought that itches on my head were bugs. Also, I thought I felt bugs in my mouth when I ate and I had to take bits of food out to make sure it wasn't bugs.

My T knows all about it now. I am going to have to call my p-doc and ask for a med adjustment. I am going to a new p-doc in May.

 
Old 04-18-2010, 08:31 AM   #8
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Re: Mild Schizophrenia without Hallucinations (most of the time)

Much of what you describe is called depersonalization (feelings of unreality). In order to get the most effective treatment I'd tell my doc exactly what you've shared with us. There are so many factors that to consider when differentiating between Bipolar I with psychotic features and Schizoaffective D/O. Your doc will be able to diagnose and treat appropriately.
How have you been sleeping? You say you aren't taking care of yourself. Are your symptoms worse during these times?
One of your strengths is your insight into what's going on and your willingness to get treatment to help make life a little easier.

 
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